Tag: True Woman

But beyond these, my son, be warned: there is no end to the making of many books (Eccl. 12:12 HCSB).

If Solomon were parenting today he might have said it this way, “There is no end to the making of many books, articles, blog posts, tweets . . .” (you get
the idea).

Because of Jesus, we have victory over enemies big and small. One of the weapons He has asked us to wield is our story.

The steady drip of written content Solomon noticed in his era has been replaced with a flood in ours. With so many words already circling the stratosphere,
I often stare down this question: “Why should I keep writing? What’s the point of adding my words to the deluge of content created by other writers?” But
day after day, year after year, I sit at my keyboard and write. Here are four reasons why.

1. There’s Power in My Story.

Revelation 12:11 describes the moment all of history longs for, when Satan is thrown down and God’s people are victorious. Pay attention to how we will
overcome:

They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.

Because of Jesus, we have victory over enemies big and small. One of the weapons He has asked us to wield is our story.

Think about the testimony of Jim Elliot who sacrificed his life to share Jesus
with a remote Indian tribe in Ecuador.

Think about Naghmeh Abedini who used her story to tell 100 ambassadors at the United Nations that Jesus is
the solution their countries are looking for.

Think about Louis Zampereni, the former Olympic runner and WWII prisoner of war, who overcame
alcoholism, night terrors, and a failing marriage after a collision with the gospel.

I don’t count myself in the same league as the heros on that list, but I do have a story to tell about God’s grace and provision in my life, so I write
about what God has done.

Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—those he redeemed from the hand of the foe (Ps. 107:2 NIV).

2. Writing Takes Me “to the End of the Earth.”

Jesus said, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation” (Mark 16:15).

Acts 1:8 promises, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and
Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

When it comes to ministry, God asks us to think globally. Yes, I need to use my gifts to serve my local church. I am called to love the people in my
zipcode. Writing is not a substitute for either of those things, but I add it to the ways I am investing in the kingdom close to home because it allows me
to expand my reach.

Just this week I heard from a woman who reads my blog posts in Canada and another who is teaching one of my Bible studies in South Africa. As a momma of
three on a farm in Missouri, I could never disciple someone in Canada or teach a Bible study in Africa, but God graciously allows me to have influence in
those regions through writing. He sends me to the nations from my desk in the Midwest. That mind-blowing truth keeps me writing.

3. I Write as a Record for the Next Generation.

In the wake of my grandfather’s recent death, we have spent hours combing through his belongings. Though I know my grandpa had a deep faith in Jesus and
experienced His work in his life, he didn’t write it down. We are left guessing about the details of his Christian walk. I don’t want my children to say
the same thing about me.

Long after I’m buried, I want people to know that Jesus rescued me, that He constantly provided for me, that He kept His promises to me.

Long after I’m buried, I want people to know that Jesus rescued me, that He constantly provided for me, that He kept His promises to me. I want there to be
an overwhelming body of evidence for His work in my life for my children and grandchildren.

We all have a responsibility to pass the torch of faith to the next generation. Writing is part of how I do that.

He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children,
that the next generation might know them,
the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children (Ps. 78:5–6).

4. My Gifts Are Meant for the Kingdom.

The honest truth is, I can’t not write. Words burn in my heart until I feel I might burst if I don’t get them on a page (or screen). I often feel like a
fish who lives on land, and when I write it’s like I get to swim in the fishbowl for a while. I know this is because God has uniquely gifted me to write.
Like all gifts from Him, I want to surrender writing for the benefit of God’s kingdom.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace (1 Peter 4:10).

It is my deep desire to use my words to encourage, equip, challenge, or teach others to follow God and His Word more closely.

Living for Jesus vs. Writing About Jesus

I take my role as a writer seriously. There are certainly plenty of landmines buried in a writing career, primarily that I will become more concerned about
writing about Jesus than living for Jesus. When that happens, I pull back and stop writing for a while.

Because of Jesus, you have a story worth telling.

The word of my testimony isn’t very powerful if I’m not actually doing the things I write about. There is also a temptation to use writing to shine a
spotlight on myself instead of on Jesus or to see writing as my only ministry outlet when God clearly asks me to love others in ways more tangible than
words on a computer screen (Matt. 25:35–40).

Because of these temptations, I have accountability in place to make sure I am actually living what I write. Certainly I make mistakes, but that’s a part
of my story, too.

Because of Jesus, you have a story worth telling. Maybe you will sing it in song or whisper it into your baby’s ear or write it in a book. Whatever your
gifts, find a way to tell about what God has done. “Let the redeemed of the Lord, tell their story!”

In fact, I’d love to hear your story today.

Why do you do what you do for the Lord?
What story do you have to tell?
How are you using your gifts to build God’s kingdom?

PS: If you’re wondering how to write, needing tools to keep writing, or want a reminder why what you write matters, join me at Revive ’15. I’ll be with
Lore Ferguson Wilbert and Jennifer Lyell in a pre-conference track on writing titled “Writing to Touch Hearts.”

 

See you there!

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ Advice to Young Writers and Speakers.”

I stared at my computer for a long time. After reading about the Ashley Madison scandal that is currently sending shockwaves through our culture (anyone
else feeling like it’s a train wreck? It’s hard to look away!), I learned that you could search the hacked database to find out if your spouse was on the
list.

I followed the link but paused for a long time before finally deciding not to enter my husband’s information in the search bar.

The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us.

I’ve been at this crossroads before, fighting a deep and nagging fear that news of my husband’s infidelity is right around the corner. I haven’t always
chosen to kick my fear to the curb. More often, I’ve invited the fear to sit in the driver’s seat.

The Ashley Madison headlines are recent, but men who cheat aren’t new news. For many years, I’ve struggled with an intense fear that my husband would
cheat. That fear was reinforced by a dad who cheated and tales of infidelity even among my Christian brothers and sisters.

Fear left unchecked can wreak all kinds of havoc on our hearts and lives. In my case, the fear that my man was destined to stray led me to be clingy,
accusatory, anxious, and worried. None of those behaviors could have kept him from cheating. That’s a job for the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law
(Gal. 5:22–23).

Do All Men Cheat?

During the most intense seasons of fear, I kept stumbling across verses like Romans 8:15, which states, “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to
fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,” and 2 Timothy 1:7, which says, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power
and love and self-control.” These verses made me want to deal with the fear that was gripping my heart (and my marriage), but I didn’t know how. The fear
that my husband would cheat wasn’t something that I could just talk myself out of. It’s a fear that didn’t unravel until God started exposing the lies
rooted to my fear.

Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of self-control.

I realized that my fear was based, in part, in the lie that all men cheat. The media portrays men as unable to control their sexual appetite. I just
assumed that if given the opportunity, my man would cheat out of an inability to control himself. This lie has dangerous ramifications far beyond a fearful
heart.

The truth is that men are no more carnal than we are.

Titus 2:11–13 says,

The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to
live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior
Jesus Christ.

We don’t have the market cornered on self-control. The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us.
Men aren’t the animals we see them portrayed as. They aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean that the entire gender is destined to ditch their marriage
vows.

No Spiritually Superior Gender

Ladies, I think that sometimes we see ourselves as more spiritual than our male counterparts. The truth is the Holy Spirit lives in men who know Jesus as
vibrantly as He lives in our own hearts. Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of
self-control.

All of us are prone to run away from God’s best for our lives. It’s why we need a Savior so much.

All of us are prone to run away from God’s best for our lives. It’s why we need a Savior so much. My deep fear of marital unfaithfulness has forced me to
search my own sinful heart. Over and over again, I’ve had to make the choice to praise God for His grace in my own life instead of going on a witch hunt
for sin in the life of my husband.

I love how Alvin Reid said it recently, “I am experiencing personal revival because I stopped confessing everyone else’s sin.”

I closed my laptop and reminded myself that though imperfect, I have a wonderful husband. I gave him a hug instead of an accusation. I chose to lay my
fear, again, in God’s capable hands.

Is your man doing his best to live out his faith in Jesus? Has his love for you and commitment to your marriage kept him faithful? Don’t wait in
anticipation for the moment he will fail. Thank him for serving God by faithfully loving you.

Note: To those wives whose husbands have cheated, please check out these posts for a hopeful dose of God’s truth.

The Whole Truth: To the Christian Woman Who Just Discovered Her Husband’s Affair

Hope for the Hopeless Marriage

We are a culture of advocates. Perhaps more than ever before, it’s trendy to latch on to a cause and passionately declare our support through colored
ribbons, memes, and virtual thumbs up. While I love to see us standing up for truth with passion, in our zeal to champion the people and causes we love, I
can’t help but notice that we seem to have missed something that matters deeply to God—unity.

Do we value harmony in the Church to the same degree we esteem
right theology and defending our tribes?

Sure, we throw “unity” around when we are speaking Christianese. But do we really get it? Do we value harmony in the Church to the same degree we esteem
right theology and defending our tribes? Yep, theology matters. Yep, it’s okay to align myself with people who help me love and live out God’s Word better.
But advocacy that cracks the foundations of the family of God misses a massive mark. If we are really interested in understanding and applying Scripture,
we won’t miss the clear message that unity in the Body matters to God.

With that in mind, here are five biblical reasons to care about unity in the Church.

1. Jesus passionately prayed for unity.

In John 17, we find Jesus praying to the Father in the moments before He was arrested, put on trial, and eventually executed. Since that moment is a little
too cosmic for my finite brain to grasp the significance of, I like to think of it as the final huddle that would decide the outcome of a game that had
gone into sudden death. Jesus knew what was on the line. It was all or nothing at this point, so He huddles up with the Father and prays a desperate,
passionate prayer.

What did He ask God for?

“That they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly
one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me” (John 17:21–23).

It’s go time. Soldiers are steps away. Jesus knows what’s coming, and He gets His game face on by taking some time to pray a short, passionate prayer.
First, He prays for the disciples (vv. 6–19), knowing that after His death they would build His Church. But then He pivots and prays for us (v. 20). Here’s
what He specifically asks the Father for on our behalf:

• That we would be witnesses. (More on that in a minute.)
• That we would be with Him.
• That the Father’s love would be in us.

Those are all important things, but they aren’t what Jesus asks the Father for most often or most passionately. In this short prayer, He asks the Father to
give us unity three times.

• “They may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you.”
• “They may be one even as we are one.”
• “They may become perfectly one.”

Not once does He pray that we would understand and apply the Bible perfectly. He never prays that we would be able to argue eloquently. He doesn’t pray for
us to become passionate advocates. He prays for us to be unified. And then He prays for it again. And then one more time with feeling. When Jesus looked
ahead and saw us, what was He most desperate to see? Unity.

2. Unity is fragile. Handle with care.

And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they
are.” Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and
had not gone with them to the work.



And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed
away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. And he went through Syria and Cilicia,
strengthening the churches (Acts 15:36–41).

Paul and Barnabas were thick as thieves. The Bible tells us that it was Barnabas who first advocated for Paul after his dramatic conversion ( Acts 9:27). Barnabas accompanied Paul on his first missionary
journey (Acts 13–14). Together they traveled more than 1,200 miles
over the course of two years. If you’ve ever been on a mission trip, you know it works like spiritual superglue, bonding you to your fellow travelers like
few other experiences can. And yet, despite all of their history and all that held them together, a single disagreement caused them to part ways. One
“sharp disagreement” severed unity and put oceans between these two Christian brothers.

Slapping on smiley faces and singing Kumbaya
through clenched teeth isn’t the answer. Fighting hard for unity is.

Unity is slippery like that. One minute we are living in harmony with our Christian brothers and sisters, fiercely committed to each other and our shared
Savior, and the next minute our church is splitting, our small group is fractured, or two Christians are duking it out online.

There is no sense pretending we aren’t prone to discord. It has been this way since the beginning of mankind. Slapping on smiley faces and singing Kumbaya
through clenched teeth isn’t the answer. Fighting hard for unity is.

3. Unity is an evangelism tool.

Pop quiz! What did Jesus say was on the line when He asked the Father for unity on our behalf? (Go ahead and cheat by re-reading John 17:21–23 above. You
can even skip to the last line).

“I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me” (John
17:23).

Jesus wants us to be unified so that the world will know that He is God’s Son and that He loves them. Since discord, pain, and fracture are the norm in our
fallen world, true unity will draw in the lost like moths to a flame. That’s why the Psalmist wrote these words:

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! (Ps. 133:1).

Unity in the Church is an evangelism tool. The flipside is that when the Body is fractured, it undercuts Christ’s message. Why God opted to put the weight
of that on the shoulders of a group as contrary and finicky as we are is beyond me, but He did. When He prayed urgently for us to be unified, it wasn’t
just so we could all feel warm and fuzzy. It was because He knew that unity shoots up a beacon of hope in a fractured world.

4. Unity is a commandment.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

Loving other believers well isn’t a suggestion. It’s a commandment, straight from Jesus’ mouth. Just in case we are tempted to justify some of the unloving
things we say to each other, Jesus spells out just how high the bar is . . .

“Love one another as I have loved you.”

We are to love each other sacrificially, even when our fellow Christians don’t “deserve” it. (Because Jesus loved us sacrificially even though we didn’t
deserve it).

What does that look like practically?

• It looks like following the clear model for dealing with conflict among believers outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18:15–20. This passage encourages us to work
  out our differences one-to-one and in person. Interacting on a Facebook wall is not the same thing. Neither is a heated Twitter battle.
• It looks like valuing unity above being “right.”
• It looks like championing other Christians as often as possible instead of looking for reasons to pick them apart.
• It looks like speaking highly of the Church and its members.

5. Unity protects us.

Unity matters because it is a fence that protects us from the wolves that want to rip the Church apart. I know that sounds dramatic, but listen to how Paul
wrote about it in Romans 16:17–18:

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.
For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

One commentator pointed out that Paul was addressing the “sin of schism,” that tendency that many of us have to cause division. We are a culture accustomed
to discord. Our politics are based on two parties in perpetual duke-it-out mode. Our news comes to us through two talking heads debating both sides of
every story. But this is not God’s model for the Church. God’s people are meant to be an oasis from the “schism” all around us.

Unity in the Church is an evangelism tool.

Paul tells us to be on the lookout for those who come against the unity of the Church. Before you take your place on the wall, determined to watch out for
anyone who might cause disharmony, check yourself. Are there any ways you are committing the “sin of schism”?

With Jesus’ clear call to unity in mind, I’d love to urge (beg, plead!) us as Christians to force ourselves to ask these questions as we write, speak, and
post.

• Will this contribute to unity or discord?
• Will someone look at this post, comment, tweet and declare it “good and pleasant”?
• Do I commit the “sin of schism” by strongly opposing other Christians often or in public forums?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “One-Souled Relationships.”

This year I turned 35.

When I was a teenager, thirty seemed ancient. But as I crest the hill of my mid-thirties, I can assure you I won’t be picking out a retirement home any time soon. I’m just getting warmed up. In fact, my thirties have been some of the best, most fruitful, most fun years of my life. I don’t have life all figured out, but God has taught me some valuable lessons since high school graduation.

Whether you are heading back to school in a few weeks or you turned your tassel long ago, I think you’ll find that these are truths you can take to the bank because they are deeply rooted in the timeless Word of God (the ultimate school for knowledge and wisdom!).

1. God’s promises are true.
2. He really does have a hope and a future for me (Jer. 29:11).
3. The college, major, and career I pick don’t define me. I am not my work. I am a child of God.
4. Marrying a guy who loves Jesus really, really matters.
5. Parents are pretty cool. Their rules are for my good.
6. Being the prettiest or most popular girl in school matters for about half a second after graduation. In contrast, being the kindest girl in school gets remembered well past your ten-year reunion.
7. You will look back at pictures of you and think you were stunning. Trust me.
8. Insecurity is a massive waste of time and energy. Be confident in God’s love.
9. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9). It’s okay to have a ten-year plan, but there’s a 100% chance God will interrupt it. That’s a good thing.
10. The bands you listen to in high school will be your very favorite bands forever. Keep the t-shirts. They will be “vintage” and awesome when you’re thirty.
11. You truly do reap what you sow. I love how Nancy Leigh DeMoss says it, “You are what you’re becoming.” Do you want to know your Bible frontwards and backwards later? Study it like crazy now. Do you want to be more like Christ someday? Be more like Him today.
12. Broken hearts heal. Mine got broken often in high school. All these years later I’ve still never felt a pain like it. But those deep chasms are now all healed up. If your heart is broken, I promise it will heal and someone else will capture it someday.
13. Start saving money now. I know that top at Anthropologie is super cute, but it’s also crazy overpriced. Imagine dropping that $75 in a savings account and using it for something lasting like a car, an education, or a child sponsorship. Most people think they will start saving “someday.” I wish I had developed the discipline of saving money as a high school student. While we are on the subject of money . . .
14. Start tithing. The Bible calls all believers to tithe regardless of income. So, if you have an allowance, a part-time job or babysitting money, you have an income. Everything you make belongs to God, but there are tremendous blessings to be found in giving a portion of it back to Him. Don’t wait until you’re rolling in the dough to start tithing.
15. The world doesn’t revolve around me. That’s a good thing.
16. Champion others as often as possible. Instead of wanting everyone to cheer you on, figure out ways to cheer them on.
17. Normal is a mirage. Embrace your weirdness.
18. I know that boy gives you butterflies, but that won’t carry you through the ups and downs of life. Find someone who loves Jesus (remember point #4), but also someone who is fun to talk to and knows how to cope when the going gets tough. Then, when you least expect it, the butterflies will start to flutter in your tummy once again. Fourteen years after I married my high school sweetheart, I still get butterflies.
19. I’ve never met someone my age who is glad she partied in high school. Ever. I’ve met lots and lots of them who regretted it. There is no long-term benefit from that scene.
20. You don’t need a bunch of friends. You need one or two who’ve really got your back.
21. Worry less about having the right friends and worry more about being the right friend.
22. Be picky about your friends. The Bible says it this way, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov. 13:20). Pick wise friends. Since Proverbs 9:10 tells us that the fear of the Lord is where wisdom begins, wise friends need to be Jesus-loving friends.
23. Don’t be afraid to fail. Stand up in front of the class and give that speech. Try out for the lead role in the play. Start a club. You may fall on your face. You may not. But at least you went for it.
24. You can do big things for the kingdom now. Don’t wait to get involved in ministry.
25. Your parents don’t need to be your friends right now. They need to be your parents, and that means they make and enforce the rules. The good news is, they will likely be your friends someday. Right now God has given them the job of being in charge. Do everything you can to make that job easier.
26. Find something you are good at and enjoy it, but don’t make it your whole life. Soccer is supposed to be fun, not stressful. So is singing, sculpting, and playing the saxophone.
27. It’s okay to miss practice for church. In fact, church trumps activities every single time.
28. Sometimes it’s cool to love Jesus and not the Church, but Jesus loves the Church. If there is something that could be better at your church, then get involved and make it better instead of complaining or checking out. The Church is the Bride of Christ.
29. Your youth pastor is not your connection to God.
30. “The things of earth will come to pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.” That’ll preach.
31. When you get your license, it’s a license to drive, not a license to do stupid things. I know because within a few weeks of getting my license, I got caught racing on the highway and wrapped my car around a telephone pole. I drove dumb so you don’t have to.
32. When you do something stupid to impress someone, it’s still doing something stupid, and it likely won’t impress them as much as if you did something smart. Do the smart thing instead.
33. Your siblings are cooler than you think. When you’re thirty-five, they’ll be the people you want to grab coffee with.
34. Nothing good happens after curfew. Go home.
35. “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting” (Prov. 31:30). Since outward beauty cannot last, spend your time growing a beautiful heart.

Visit ReviveOurHearts.com/35lessons for a special locker art graphic of “35 Things I Wish I’d Known in High School,” and give it to a student who’s heading back to school.

 

News flash: Scientists say modern teenagers have grown another appendage.

Well, those are not their exact findings, but close. A recent Pew Research Study shows what any of us who have tried to look a teenager in the eye recently
already know—they are superglued to their iStuff. Here are the study’s highlights:

• Three-fourths of teenagers have or have access to a smartphone. (My experience shows that the other fourth are begging their parents for a
  smartphone, 24/7.)
• 92 percent of teenagers are online daily.
• 24 percent of teenagers go online “almost constantly.”
• 71 percent of all teenagers are on Facebook. Half are on Instagram; a quarter are on Twitter.

In other words, they’re online. A lot. The hub of their existence is digital. It is how they connect with friends, vet new ideas, and develop a worldview.

The hub of their existence is digital. It is how they connect with friends, vet new ideas, and develop a worldview.

Teenagers’ hyper use of technology is not exactly new news. They have long been on the cutting edge of social media as natural early adopters. Just because
that’s obvious doesn’t mean we, as adults, have always responded correctly. Here are three reasons to pay attention to what teenagers are doing online.

1. “I’m watching you, Wazowski. Always watching you.”

That classic line from Monsters Inc. is the gut punch all of us grown-ups need as we post, comment, and click away online. Just like Roz, the
secretary/head of a secret government agency, warned Mike Wazowski that her eyes were always on him, these numbers about the massive number of teenagers
who are online are a warning: We are being watched.

Teenagers are watching how we behave online.

While it may seem like teenagers have one world online and we have another, it simply isn’t true. Teenagers are watching how we behave online. They are
reading what we post, and I’ve got to be honest, I think we’ve showed them just how low the bar can go.

• What are we teaching teenagers about authenticity when we post spackled versions of ourselves online?
• What are we showing them about loving their neighbors when we work so hard to create dividing lines, identify or disassociate with tribes, and
  blast political and spiritual leaders in the virtual colosseum that the Internet so often becomes?
• What are we demonstrating about how to deal with conflict in the church when we violate the principles of Matthew 18 so often?

All parents know that “do as I say, not as I do” is hogwash. So why is it that we assume teenagers will ascribe to it when it comes to our behavior online?
I don’t model Christlikeness online perfectly, but I’ve stopped pretending the teenagers in my world aren’t looking at my example through their Twitter and
Insta feeds. For the next generation of social media-loving Jesus followers, I’d like to urge us to raise the bar.

2. They’re hungry for human connection.

Despite the fact that most young people have an average of 243 Facebook friends, it’s not translating into real-life friendships. Researchers theorize that
they are spending so much time online that they no longer have time to go out with non-Facebook friends. Even with Facebook “friends” and Twitter
“followers,” teenagers are lonelier than ever before.

“Skin hunger” is a real condition that is affecting more and more of us. Think of skin hunger as the adult version of failure to thrive. It has become such
an issue that MIT students invented the Like-A-Hug inflatable jacket—a garment that inflates to “hug” you whenever someone likes your Facebook post. In
2006, the Hug Shirt was released. TIME Magazine named it one of the best inventions of the year.

Even with Facebook “friends” and Twitter “followers,” teenagers are lonelier than ever before.

I can only assume that skin hunger has gotten progressively worse since then. In the absence of regular, meaningful human contact, we fail to reach our
full potential. One study discovered that skin hunger was making young people as lonely as the elderly, the group typically seen as the loneliest among us.

The bottom line is this: The teenagers in your world need a hug. They need eye contact. They need someone to sit across from them in an actual coffee shop
and carry on a conversation without emojis. Since Titus 2 calls all of us to invest in the next generation, this is important news. We don’t have to be
cool. (Thank goodness!) We don’t have to develop slick programs. We don’t have to write or speak in teenager jargon. As we seek to disciple young people,
the plan is simple—give them what they crave, human connection, and then point them to Jesus. You can do that!

3. The mission field is online.

According to Barna, nearly half of Americans who accept Jesus as their Savior do so before the age of thirteen. Two out of three born-again Christians made
that commitment to Christ before they turned eighteen. Clearly, evangelism is bearing fruit among the very young. My own walk with Christ is the result of
a youth pastor who invited me and my sister out for pizza and then talked to us about faith. Evangelism and discipleship really can be that simple.

The hearts of teenagers are one of the most fruitful mission fields on the planet.

Since all believers are called to go and make disciples as part of the Great Commission, sharing the gospel effectively should be our collective concern.
The hearts of teenagers are one of the most fruitful mission fields on the planet. What’s more, the future of the Church sits squarely on their shoulders.
We’ve missed something when we relegate the evangelism and discipleship of this people group solely to the guys with the cargo shorts and goatees.

While it’s true that we should seek to engage the next generation in person, we also need to go where they are—online. It is worth considering:

• How can we present the gospel in a meaningful, winsome way to teenagers online?
• How can we be more welcoming to teenagers in our own online communities?
• How can we better model who Jesus calls us to be online? (See point #1.)

I’m glad we’re sending missionaries to places like Africa and China, but with the goal of making and training disciples in mind, I think we may be missing
a potential gold mine. Teenagers are online, and their hearts are fertile places for seeds of truth. As a church, we need reach out to this accessible and
attentive people group with the Good News.

Stop the Eye Rolling

When it comes to teenagers and technology, we seem to have adopted a classic teenage posture. We roll our eyes, sigh, and collectively throw up our hands
about the fact that the young people in our world are glued to their phones. The facts are, they are attached to those handheld devices and that trend is
unlikely to reverse. So instead of bemoaning them, let’s engage them. Instead of dismissing them, let’s disciple them. I’m looking for a few good
missionaries who are willing to raise the bar when it comes to who we are online and to look for ways to engage the teenagers in their world online and in
person. Will you join me?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “3 Trojan Horses That Are Affecting Our Ability to Connect.”

I know that I’m not supposed to be. I’ve heard all of the lines about how God wins. I’ve sung the words plenty, “If our God is for us, then who can ever
stop us.” I know that I’m supposed to “fear not” and yet, in these times, I have to wonder how it’s possible to feel no fear without assuming an ostrich
position and ignoring all that is happening in our world.

In addition to tasting the bile of fear in my stomach, I am wrestling with how to reconcile my fear and my faith.

• What am I supposed to do with my fear?
• Is fear the “gift” that psychologists tell me it is, or is it evidence that my faith is sick and useless?
• I’ve been a Christian for nearly twenty years; should I have the fearlessness of Wonder Woman as a result?
• Is my fear a sin?

Fear makes me suddenly and painfully aware of my total lack of control.

I may not have all of the answers, but I know where to run to find them. God’s Word has plenty to say about fear. In fact, there are well over 400 verses
on the subject. I imagine that is because there is much to fear in our fallen and broken world and because I’m not the only one whose heart’s default
posture is fear. Yes, the Bible says “fear not.” In fact that is the most consistent message about fear in the Bible, but it’s not all God has to say on
the subject. If you’ve got questions about fear, the Bible has answers. Here’s an overview of the theology of fear found in God’s Word.

Fear is not always the absence of faith. Sometimes it’s the underpinnings of it.

If possible, I’d have Philippians 4:6–7 tattooed on the back of my eyeballs.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made to God. And the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Fear makes me suddenly and painfully aware of my total lack of control. It pops the bubble of illusion that I can take care of myself. It forces me to look
for purpose and meaning beyond the trivial. It makes me desperate for hope.

In this way, fear is a gift because it yanks my eyes off of my naval and toward the only One who can do something about all that threatens me. I believe
this is why God asks us not to be anxious. It isn’t because there’s nothing to be anxious about. There is! But only God’s peace can shore us up enough to
face that.

Jesus Offers a Different Kind of Peace

There isn’t a lock that can keep every bad guy out. There isn’t a vaccine against every disease. There isn’t an army big enough to enforce world peace.
Those are the cold hard facts of life this side of Eden, but Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isa. 9:6). He offers a different kind of comfort than I can find
in security systems and emergency preparedness plans.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid”
(John 14:27).

Aren’t all of our fears really rooted in a fear of death? Isn’t that why cancer scares the hooey out of us? Isn’t it why war is so terrifying? Since death
cannot touch Jesus, we can know that nothing that scares us will take Him down. Peace is the gift Jesus gave His followers upon returning to heaven. It
remains the unique gift of Christians and the exclusive hope we have to offer the world around us.

Because He is omnipotent, omnipresent, and sovereign over all, He can watch the unrolling of history without fear. I get to borrow some of that
fearlessness as His child. I cannot carry the burden of fear. I can say from experience it will crush me. But God does not tell me to slap on a happy face
and act like I live in La La Land. Nope. He gives me very specific instructions for what to do with my fear . . .

What Am I Supposed to Do with My Fear?

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he
cares for you (1 Peter 5:6–7).

What am I supposed to do with my fear and anxiety? I am supposed to hurl it toward the cross. Because in light of the fact that Jesus died in my place and
has secured an eternal place for me with Him, all fears—real or imagined—must shrink in significance.

What does that look like, practically? Let me give you an example . . .

What am I supposed to do with my fear and anxiety? I am supposed to hurl it toward the cross.

For several years, I was awakened in the middle of the night a couple of times a month with panic attacks. I couldn’t breathe. My mind and heart raced. My
chest felt like it was in a vice grip. You should know, I was a believer already. I was serving God in full-time vocational ministry. I read my Bible
often. And yet fear sometimes stalked me.

In those dark moments I didn’t know how to “cast my anxiety on him.” Then I learned the power of God’s Word. It is my offensive weapon when something
terrifying is charging me.

That’s why Ephesians 6:17 says, “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

When I started to use the Word as a weapon, the panic attacks stopped. Now when I wake up afraid, I say verses like these out loud.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control (2 Tim. 1:7).
 
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isa. 41:10).

Slavery to fear is the mark of unbelievers. Adoption breaks the yoke.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba!
Father!” (Rom. 8:15).

When my sons have nightmares, they want their daddy. His strong arms and calm voice provide an oasis when they are in the desert of fear. It is no accident
that in this passage God reminds us that we have been set free from the chains of fear and then reminds us that He is our “Abba! Father!” He is our daddy.
When we are afraid, we can run to His strong arms.

The yoke of fear was broken when He adopted you. That doesn’t mean you will never feel afraid. It does mean you don’t have to be chained to that fear. You
can put one foot in front of the other because you know your heavenly Father is keeping watch over His beloved sheep.

Knowing the difference between eternal and temporal threats changes what I fear.

Psalm 56:11, 118:6, and Hebrews 13:6 all reach the same conclusion . . .

“What can man do to me?”

I know that the answer is plenty. Man can hurt our feelings, ruin our reputation, corrupt our children. Man can harm our physical bodies and destroy our
property. Man can take what we treasure. I know those are all real threats; however, they are temporal. No reputation or possession will make it with us to
eternity. They might last eighty years, a blip compared to forever. When God “stamps eternity onto our eyeballs” we can see clearly that even in a worst-case
scenario, we have hope of a perfect existence free of pain and fear with Jesus. But if “fear not” is one side of the coin when it comes to how the Bible
describes fear, “fear God” is the other.

Knowing the difference between eternal and temporal threats changes what I fear.

Well over 100 times the Bible calls us to “fear God.” Because as much as God is our Comforter and Prince of Peace, He is also just, righteous, jealous, and
holy. The buck stops with Him. Instead of living our lives in fear of man, worrying about what the people around us might do or think, we are called to
fear God and make every choice with His will in mind.

I need a theology of fear because, without it, I will spend the best part of my days and years wringing hands and biting fingernails. I need to remind
myself often of all that God says about fear and to use my fear as a diving board that springs me into the deep waters of God’s truth.

Psalm 23:4 works like a life jacket in scary, choppy waters.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

The Psalmist wasn’t fearless because there was nothing to fear. He was in the Valley of the Shadow of Death after all. I think of that valley as the place
where our heart cries, “If I have to stay here one more minute, I’ll die!” It’s a dark and scary place. When we find ourselves there, why shouldn’t we be
afraid? Because of God’s presence. Because His rod is there to protect us, and His staff is there to shepherd us. Because He will not leave us there
forever. Because He has gone to prepare a place for us where all fears will cease. Remembering this is the only cure for my fearful heart.

• What makes you afraid?

• Do you have a good theology of fear?

• How can we show peace to a terrifying and terrified world?

PS: I love my friend Trillia Newbell’s book on the topic, Fear and Faith. I’ll choose three of you to win a free copy!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “When Fear Is Pressing in on Your Heart.”

It’s my birthday! You can tell by the twenty candles on my cake.

Nope, I’m not actually turning twenty (again!). I’m not celebrating my physical birthday; I’m celebrating my spiritual birthday. Twenty years ago this month, I walked an aisle in a hot and crowded auditorium and gave my heart to Jesus. Nothing has been the same since.

To celebrate all that God has done in my life in the past two decades, I came up with a wild and crazy idea. Here’s a video with the highlights.

Why I’m Asking for Blisters for My Birthday

Who I Stole The Idea From

The idea of doing something big to mark what God has done isn’t mine. I totally plagiarized it straight from His Word.

• In Genesis 35:7, Jacob built an altar to remember the night he wrestled with God.
• In Exodus 17:14-16, Moses built a memorial to commemorate God’s help in defeating the Amalekites.
• In Joshua 4, after safely moving the people of Israel across the Jordan River, God commanded them to pull up twelve stones from the riverbed as a monument to His deliverance.
• In Matthew 26:26-29, Jesus instituted the Lord’s Supper as a way to regularly remember His sacrifice on our behalf.

God clearly knows about our tendency to have spiritual amnesia and forget the good things He has done for us. Through His Word, He urges us to force our hearts to remember. I won’t be building an altar, but I do hope that by doing something to mark God’s hand in my life the people in my world will remember the faithfulness of God in their own lives.

“That this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever” (Josh. 4:6-7).

I won’t be putting one stone on top of another, but I will be putting one foot in front of another as a way to counsel my own heart and send a message to the world:

• God has been faithful.
• He has kept His promises.
• His Word is true and can be trusted.
• I’m not who I once was.
• We’ve got a God-sized mission to do. Let’s roll!

3 Ways to Get Involved

I’d love for you to get involved in celebrating this milestone with me. Here are three ways you can.

1. Build your own memorial.

When is your spiritual birthday? Consider marking it or celebrating it in some way.

• Can you give to a ministry that has impacted you?
• Can you write a letter to a pastor who has challenged you?
• Can you invest in someone else since you’ve been invested in?
• Can you create art focused on a Bible verse that has been especially meaningful to you?

The possibilities are endless!

2. Let’s take a walk!

I’d love to have you walk with me on July 25. Sure, we probably can’t physically walk side by side, but you can walk in your world and I can walk in mine. (And thanks to technology, we can shoot each other pics!) If you’ve known the Lord five years, walk five miles. If you’ve known Him ten, walk ten miles—or ten yards or ten steps. This isn’t about pushing the boundaries physically; it’s about remembering all God has done for us!

I’ll be tweeting live as I walk. Follow me @eringraffiti. I’d love to hear from women all over the country who are on the move to celebrate what God has done!

3. Invest in kingdom work around the globe!

I’d love to have you give toward my effort to raise $20,000. Remember, I’m giving every cent away to four organizations that have dramatically impacted my relationship with Christ and are busy with meaningful, kingdom work. Every dollar raised will be divided four ways and given to these ministries. By giving, you will be a part of sharing the gospel in India, South Africa, across the United States, and around the world. Talk about a great investment! Here’s a recap.

Greentree Christian Church—This is my home church. Under the leadership of my pastor, Tim Cook, no organization has had a greater impact on my life than this church. We will use the money raised to build safe houses in India.

Impact Community Church—This church is pastored by my former youth pastor, Barry Smith. Impact will use funds raised to create an online campus so people can access truth-packed services worldwide.

Pure Freedom—This ministry is run by my mentor, Dannah Gresh. Funds raised will be used to continue to teach moms and daughters a biblical view of sexuality and purity. Talk about a timely message!

Revive Our Hearts—Revive Our Hearts calls women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ. I have grown in my understanding of biblical truth so much through this ministry! Funds raised will be used to equip women’s ministry leaders in South Africa to dub and circulate quality, biblical teaching for women.

So whatdya say? Will you pledge to give for each mile I will walk?

• You could give $1 per mile, $20 total.
• You could give $10 per mile, $200 total.
• You could give $1,000 per mile, fully funding this effort.
• Or give any amount in between.

Find out more information at www.gofundme.com/ErinDavis and ErinDavis.org, and plan to follow me LIVE on Twitter or Instagram (@Eringraffiti) July 25 as I walk twenty miles to raise $20,000 in celebration of twenty years.

Easter 2015 was particularly memorable for the Davis clan.

We had new baby sheep on our little farm, and I got the bright idea to take one of those sweet little lambs to our Easter celebration at my mom’s house.
Nothing says Easter like kids in their Sunday best taking a photo op with a baby sheep, right?

My nieces and nephews were smitten with the lamb, so much so they decided to take him for a walk. You can probably guess where this is going, even if they
couldn’t—the lamb got loose. A herd of children screaming and running toward it made him bolt, and the lamb got lost in the woods.

The parable of the lost sheep reminds me that He pursued me when I
was still running away from Him in glad rebellion.

Once they realized they weren’t in trouble, the kids handled the escape pretty well, until someone mentioned a coyote. All of the kids simultaneously burst
into tears. It was a symphony of screaming and crying. Not even another chocolate bunny could console them. What started out as a very Norman Rockwell-like
holiday quickly downgraded to a scene more closely resembling an episode of Jerry Springer.

For more than two days we searched for that little lamb. His mama stood out in the field and called for him until she was hoarse. I told my boys he was
likely a goner. They cried some more. Then someone had the bright idea to put our plight on Facebook. I never saw the post, but I am sure it went something
like this:

Easter lamb led to the slaughter by adorable children in church clothes.

I wasn’t sure what broadcasting the bad news on social media would do, but then we got a crazy phone call.

“Did you lose a sheep?”

“Yep, we sure did.”

“My husband was out cutting wood, and he swore he saw a baby lamb. I told him, ‘I read about him on Facebook.'”

In no time at all, my husband raced over to the home of the good-natured Facebook friend who called. They had, in fact, found our lost sheep. Against all
odds, he had made it five miles from my mom’s home. All the cousins were called. The children rejoiced. But then . . . the very best part of the story
happened.

My husband opened the gate, and that little lamb ran to his mama. As he nursed for the first time in more than two days, his little tail wagged at super
speed.

Miraculously, the lost sheep had been rescued and brought home.

The Original Lost Sheep

Our little lamb was not the first sheep to be lost. His reunion with his mama was not the happiest ever after. Check out the similar story Jesus told in
Luke 15:1–7. (Don’t skim it. It’s only seven short verses.)

Now the tax collectors and the sinners were all drawing near to him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and
eats with them.”

So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and
go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls
together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more
joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

After the lost sheep incident at our house, this story took on new life for me. As someone who has, in fact, lost a sheep and looked earnestly, desperately
for it, I can feel the weight of what Jesus was teaching.

The parable of the lost sheep is likely a familiar one to you, just like it was to me before our little lamb made a break for it. But it’s taken on new
life in my heart. Would you mind looking at it closely with me in case God wants it to do the same in yours?

In fact, let’s do more than just read this parable. Let’s study it from three angles, like a gemologist trying to discover the exact value of a precious
stone. Ready?

Angle #1: The Lost Sheep

Who am I in the parable of the lost sheep? I’m the lost sheep.

Well, actually, I’m not lost anymore. In fact, I’ve been “found” by Jesus for two decades now. It’s been a long time since He rescued me from my wayward
ways and brought me into the fold. Perhaps that’s why I have spiritual amnesia. It’s so easy for me to forget how desperately lost I was. I need frequent
reminders that Jesus sought me out when I was still separated from Him by my sin.

Romans 5:8 says it this way: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

When my Type-AA, achievement-driven side thinks I have to earn God’s love or acceptance, the parable of the lost sheep reminds me that He pursued me when I
was still running away from Him in glad rebellion.

Jesus is delighted by His children, especially when they run to Him.

When I doubt if He really loves me, the parable of the lost sheep reminds me that He sees me like a shepherd sees a sheep he’d do anything to rescue. He
rejoices over me. He carried the weight of my sin on His shoulders as He hung on the cross.

In hindsight, it was a little silly how worked up we got about our little lost lamb. He didn’t even have a name. (Farm animals are like that.) He didn’t
hold much value. More lambs will be born again soon on the farm. It’s kinda like the fact that I am only one of six billion people on the planet right now
and countless people since the beginning of time. But we desperately wanted that lamb to come home. God desperately wanted me to come home, too. He feels
the same way about you.

Jesus would hammer this point home just minutes after He told the parable of the lost sheep with the parable of the prodigal son.

And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him
(Luke 15:20).

We were all once prodigal sons and daughters. Jesus eagerly watched and waited for our return to Him like an expectant father waiting for his wayward son.
I need frequent reminders of this truth.

Angle #2: Jesus

Jesus, of course, is the shepherd in this story. Pay attention to how Jesus describes the tender way He cared for the lost sheep and the great lengths He
went to celebrate its homecoming. Perhaps it takes seeing the homecoming of a real lost sheep to grasp Jesus’ description of Himself here, but the bottom
line is this: Jesus is delighted by His children, especially when they run to Him.

Perhaps you need reminded that Jesus is a good shepherd. Here’s some tender truth just for you.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young (Isa. 40:11).

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11).

And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory (1 Pet. 5:4).

Angle #3: The Pharisees and Scribes

While the parable of the lost sheep certainly has a warm and fuzzy quality about it, the original listeners would have found it a bitter pill to swallow.
Backtrack to verses 1–2 for the original reason Jesus told this story.

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and
eats with them.”

The Pharisees, or religious folks of the day, were rubbing shoulders with sinners and they didn’t like it. They really didn’t like that Jesus received
sinners with a welcoming attitude that said, “Come, have a seat at my table.” So they grumbled . . .

“How dare He show compassion to them!”

“Doesn’t He know what they have done!”

“How can a good God put up with such nonsense?”

When I really study Jesus’ story, I can see myself standing there in their judgmental shoes. For me those thoughts look like this:

• “What is he doing in church? I heard he had an affair.”
• “Why is God blessing them? They don’t live clean like we do.”
• “Why is God blessing her work? She is not as good of a person as I am.”
• “When is God going to intervene with that group of people? They are a stain on our culture.”

When I dare to point the finger at the sin of others, I need the reminder that I was once a lost little lamb, helpless, and vulnerable to an enemy who
“prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Pet. 5:8). I didn’t save myself from that desperate situation. I couldn’t. Jesus made a
way for me to come home and then came looking for me to show me the path back.

Gospel Gratitude vs. Grumbling

The parable of the lost sheep is really the story of the gospel. When I am judgmental toward others, or secretly wish that God would be stingy with grace,
I’m just like the ones who grumbled because He ate His lunch with sinners.

The parable of the lost sheep is really the story of the gospel.

Instead of grumbling, God calls me to gratitude that overflows by helping me see the lost through gospel-colored lenses.

The lost will act lost. They are separated from their Shepherd after all. But He is desperately searching for them. He is already planning a party in the
hopes they will return.

• As you look at the parable of the lost sheep again, where do you see yourself in the story?
• What makes you “grumble” about the grace of God?
• What shift does it cause in your heart to remember how it felt to be lost?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Does My Heart Belong to the Pigs?“

Don’t you just love a free trial—a no-strings attached chance to try something out before you shell out your hard-earned cash? Most of us do.

Is it a good idea to enjoy a free trial without the commitment of a permanent arrangement?

When it comes to a new car, a test drive is a wise idea. If you’re thinking about investing four years and a wad of Benjamins into a college, it’s a good
idea to spend some time on campus first. Before you sign on the dotted line for that new house, you ought to go over the place with a fine tooth comb a
time or two. But what about marriage? Is it a good idea to enjoy a free trial without the commitment of a permanent arrangement?

Some people think so.

In fact, somewhere in the neighborhood of forty percent of people between the ages of eighteen to thirty-four said they like the idea of a “beta marriage.” If
you’re a non-techie like me, that phrase might not mean much, but it’s connected to the practice of “beta testing.” That’s geek for simply testing a
product before its official release. If you’ve ever done a free trial download of software or been given a free sample of something and asked to provide
feedback, you’ve been a beta tester.

In our culture of constant feedback, some people think that beta marriages are a good idea. This is an arrangement where a couple takes the marriage for a
“test spin” before committing for life. They give the marriage a trial run and then decide to formalize or dissolve the marriage after a two-year trial
period. Besides being terribly unromantic . . .

“Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish this woman for at least the next two years?”

“I do.”

Do beta marriages fit into God’s plan for marriage? Is giving the marriage a “trial run” by living together first a wise idea?

Hold the Phone!

Before I answer those questions, let me give this disclaimer:

I know that most of you aren’t running out to sign up for a marriage trial run. In fact, thirty-one percent of young people surveyed said that they are still in
favor of traditional marriage. You know, the kind where a couple is committed “until death do us part”? But I still wrote this post (and hope you will read
it) because . . .

1. More and more couples are choosing to live together before marriage, including Christian couples. When I see a trend, I always want to filter it
   through God’s Word.
2. While you may not consider living with someone at this stage in the game, a few years down the line you might change your mind. I want you to be
   anchored in God’s truth before that happens.
3. Sometimes we give marriage a “trial run” in ways that don’t include moving in together. (For more on that, check out this great post “Divorced . . . at 18?”). Because of that, it’s good to remember what God’s plan
   for marriage looks like.
4. As the culture moves toward wider acceptance of cohabitation, it is wise to know where God stands and to be able to articulate that well and with
   love.

So with that in mind, is it a good idea to live together before marriage?

The Facts

Here’s a snapshot of this trend.

1950: Nine out of ten women married without first living with their partners.

1990: One-third of couples lived together before saying “I do.”

Today: Half of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation.

Since 1980: The number of couples who live together before marriage has increased by 1,000 percent!

But cohabitation rarely leads to “happily ever after.”

• Forty percent of people who cohabit break up before marriage.
• Of those who make it to the altar, couples who live together are almost twice as likely to divorce as those couples who don’t live together before
  marriage.

Why? What is it about living together that impacts marriage so negatively?

Simply put, it is not God’s plan.

A Permanent Merger

We see our first description of marriage in Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

In Matthew 19, Jesus was teaching about marriage when He said, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not
man separate” (v. 6).

There is no way to have a “free
trial” of the kind of commitment God designed to be enjoyed between husbands and wives.

God’s plan for marriage is a permanent merger. It’s combining two people into one new family. It’s intended to endure. There is no way to have a “free
trial” of the kind of commitment God designed to be enjoyed between husbands and wives.

Couples choose to live together to get a foretaste of what marriage will be like, but the very things that make marriage work are absent in that situation.
Specifically, the commitment that allows couples to weather the trials of life together. There’s no way to fast track a lifetime commitment.

Psst . . . I’ve Got a Secret

From a human perspective, living together may seem like a good idea. It allows couples to spend lots of time together. It is economically cheaper than
maintaining two households.

Most couples see it like a “trial run” to determine if their relationship can stand up to the day-in and day-out challenges of life without the total
commitment that marriage requires. Some will argue that they need to make sure that they are “sexually compatible” before agreeing to share a bedroom for
life.

But take it from someone who has been married for more than a decade, these are things best practiced within the context of marriage. My husband Jason and
I had no money, terrible communication, and zero sexual experience when we got married. If we had beta tested our union, we might have quickly decided it
wasn’t a match made in heaven.

The goal isn’t to have a perfect marriage from day one,
but to grow into the people and couple God wants you to be together.

But God’s idea is that we learn those things within the loving protection of a lifetime commitment. The goal isn’t to have a perfect marriage from day one,
but to grow into the people and couple God wants you to be together.

Does your marriage need a “test run”? The short answer is no.

There is no such thing as “no strings attached” love. God’s design is for our hearts to become so tethered to our spouse that it’s as if we are “one
flesh.” When it’s time for you to say “I do,” opt for the not-so-free trial by saying “no” to living together and reserving the most intimate parts of
yourself for after you’ve made a lifetime commitment.

Note: Portions of this post are taken from a book I wrote with Josh McDowell, The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex. You
can check it out
here

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “My Son Moved in with His Girlfriend . . . What Now?“

A herd of antelopes grazes together on an African plain. There are so many of them that they are calm and relaxed, drawing a false sense of security from
their numbers. They do not scan the horizon for predators. No one stands guard. They simply eat in peace.

But look closer. Something is lurking in the tall grass.

A pride of lions is moving forward. Slowly. Meticulously. In military-like formation. They make a wide circle. Soon, they will have the herd of antelopes
completely surrounded.

When we step outside of community, we become significantly more susceptible to temptation and sin.

Suddenly, one female lion gives the signal the others have been waiting for. The pride stands up in unison and starts running. The antelopes dart. A planned
confusion results, and the lions work together to isolate a single doe. Then they move in for the kill and drag their prey off to the shade to be shared by
the pride.

It’s a scene that most of us will only ever observe on Animal Planet or the National Geographic channel. But you might be surprised how much a pride of
lions hunting their prey can teach us about one of the root causes of loneliness.

Every time a lion pride hunts together, it is a lightly organized operation. They do not test their potential prey for weakness like other predators do. The
only weakness they are looking for is isolation. If they can remove a single animal from its herd, lunch is easily delivered, even if the animal they are
hunting is much larger or faster than the lions themselves.

Knowing Our Place

Where do you see yourself in the lion-hunting scene I just described? Are you the lion? Confidently stalking your prey? Are you standing on the sidelines
somewhere with a telephoto lens?

The truth is, you are the antelope. So am I. Because we are all made weak and vulnerable by isolation. We may be living life, oblivious to the threat, just
like the antelopes who thoughtlessly munch on grass while a lion lurks just feet away. But the threat is there, and it is real.

First Peter 5:8 puts it this way, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

Staying disconnected has the power to do much more than simply make us feel lonely. It may just be what the enemy uses to prey upon you and bring you down.

Back to the Garden

Let’s head back to the Garden of Eden to take a look at exactly how isolation led to the fall of all mankind.

In Genesis 3:2–5 the serpent, who likely had been lurking in the grass for a while, sees his opportunity to deceive God’s children and moves in for the
kill.

“And the woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, “You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is
in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that
when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.'”

I believe Satan was hunting Eve. He waited for a moment when she was not surrounded by her community. Verse 6 tells us that Adam was nearby, but maybe he
was just slightly out of earshot. And even if he wasn’t, Eve apparently didn’t take the time to talk to him about what was happening. We see in her the
very first woman with an independent streak, as she determined that she would process the information Satan was giving her and make the decision all on her
own.

Would things have turned out differently for Eve if she had simply said, “Let me talk to my husband about it” before taking a bite of that rotten fruit?
Certainly, she would have been double protected against this attack if she had talked to her husband and consulted with God. God had given her a
double-layered safety net through a relationship with Him and a relationship with Adam, but she cut right through the net and put herself in grave danger
by deciding to go at it alone. What happened next reminds us that we are all daughters of Eve.

“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the
Lord God among the trees of the garden” (Gen. 3:7–8).

Loneliness set Eve up to sin. Then her shame led to even deeper isolation.

Here’s the big takeaway: When we step outside of community, we become significantly more susceptible to temptation and sin. In this way, loneliness is less
of an emotion and more of a military strategy effectively used by our enemy. Then, our shame lies to us and tells us that isolation is the only way to
regain control. In this way, loneliness and shame become a two-edged sword that is very effective at takings us out at the knees.

A Church at the Stadium

Researchers recently surveyed those who regularly attend church services to get a feel for their experiences.

Sixty-six percent of the people they talked to said that they feel they have a “real and personal connection” with God while attending church. That’s good!
Safety net number one is in place for most of us.

However, the study also revealed that our second layer of defense is tattered. More than a quarter of those surveyed agreed with the statement that church
feels “like a group of people sharing the same space in a public event but who are not connected in a real way.” Another nine percent of those surveyed
weren’t sure if they were connecting to others in their church or not. I have to wonder if the people in this group know what connectedness feels like or
if they’ve settled for a synthetic substitute.

What people were saying is that for them church feels like going to a football game. The stadium is packed. They are surrounded by people who all want the
same thing. The mood is light, but they are not really connected. At the end of the service, they will go back home to their lonely lives with the same
sense they could never tell what’s really going on.

Lean in. Listen closely.

I think this trend is less a reflection on the state of our churches, and more evidence of a personal problem. As individuals we refuse to get real about
our sin. We want to keep up appearances. We want people to think we’re really good people. We prefer to think of church as a country club where we wear our
best clothes, including a pretty mask, instead of a hospital where we can get bound up and healed through the loving care of others.

Refusing to tell your sin to others will keep you an antelope until you return to your community.

That kind of thinking will get us isolated from the herd every time. Sure, antelopes are pretty. People like to look at them, but they are easy targets
because they are quickly separated from their community. Refusing to tell your sin to others will keep you an antelope until you return to your community.

Are you lonely? If so, is it possible that sin is the root cause? Can you look back and see that Satan waited for moments when you were outside your
community? He attacked and then he lied to you and told you shame should banish you to the bushes, making you feel even more alone.

It’s time to fall into your safety net. Seek God, and ask Him to reveal the sin in your life. Confess it to Him right then and there. Don’t hide yourself
or your junk. But don’t stop there.

Tell your Christian friends. Tell your pastor. Tell your mentor. Tell your family. Keep telling until you see the lion pride slink away and set their
sights on a different antelope.

Note: Much of this post was taken from my latest book, Connected: Curing the Pandemic of Everyone Feeling Alone Together. I’ll give away a copy to one of you who leaves me a comment sharing how isolation has impacted your faith.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Connected.”

After a fruitless ten-year war against the city of Troy, the Greeks come up with a strategy to secure their place in the pages of history. They construct a
massive horse designed to hide an elite force of their best fighters. The rest of the Greek army sails off into the sunset, leaving their enemies to
believe that they have given up the fight. Relieved that the conflict is finally over and assuming that the giant horse is an offering to the god Athena,
the Trojans wheel the beast into the fortified walls of their city.

Night falls, and the Greek special forces climb out of their hiding place and unlock the gates for their fellow soldiers who have returned under the cloak
of darkness. Troy is destroyed. The war ends. The Greeks win.

No, this blog hasn’t taken a hard right turn into the subject of ancient mythology. This is a post about loneliness. To tackle that big subject, we need to
revisit the Trojan horse, because too many of us have pulled our own version of that horse into the gates of our lives.

For our purposes, a Trojan horse is simply this: Something we invite into our lives thinking it’s a gift, but in time it turns and attacks the things we
most treasure. Here are three Trojan horses that are attacking the depth and quality of our relationships, leaving many of us disconnected in a connected
world.

Trojan Horse #1: Technology

If we are going to get real about the ways loneliness rears its ugly head in our modern lives, we must take a hard look at technology. Don’t worry. There
will be no witch hunts for your iStuff. I won’t propose a ceremonial burning of everything with an on/off switch or suggest that if we all moved to a
TV-free hippie commune, then loneliness would cease to exist in our lives.

Researchers theorize that we are spending
so much time online that we no longer have time to go out with our non-Facebook friends.

The reality is that technology is both a cause of loneliness and a false cure. It’s impacting our relationships, and the impact overall isn’t good. But
technology is here to stay. Over-romanticizing life without a screen won’t scratch our itch to be known. The answer is to rethink the difference between
authentic human connection and connection to the virtual world.

Honestly, when I’m not writing a blog post about technology’s role in our relationships, I largely consider the media consumption habits of others to be
none of my business, but I have marveled at the consistency with which others feel the need to defend themselves in this area. The fact that we are all so
testy about our media usage should throw up a red flag or two. The truth is, we’re all addicted, and our denial about this fact isn’t doing us much good.

Here are the hard facts:

• 70% of Americans sleep with their cell phones within arm’s length. One-third of us get online before getting out of bed.
• 61% of us check our phones every hour.
• Adults spend at least 8–12 hours per day staring at screens. That’s more time that we spend on any other activity, including sleeping.

What is the result of being constantly plugged in? More than half of us admit we find it difficult to make friends in “real life” compared with online.
“Skin-hunger” is a real condition that is growing like wildfire. Think of skin-hunger as the adult version of failure to thrive. For the first time in
history, deep, devastating loneliness is making young people as lonely as the elderly, the group typically seen as the loneliest among us. Despite the fact
that most young people have an average of 243 Facebook friends, it’s not translating into real-life friendships. Researchers theorize that we are spending
so much time online that we no longer have time to go out with our non-Facebook friends.

It’s time that we all get real about the opportunity cost of so much clicking. What aren’t we doing by spending time on Facebook, Words with Friends,
Internet news, Twitter, email, and watching television?

Society as a whole has chosen its side of the fence. The masses will continue to worship technology and work toward faster and faster pings. If you want to
be truly connected with others, you will have to break away from the pack.

Trojan Horse #2: Convenience

If we were to build an altar to our worship of convenience, I think it might be sponsored by Google.

Close your eyes for a moment and try to imagine life without Google. What would you do if you needed to know how to make a pie crust? You would have to
call your momma. What if some new friends from church invited you over for dinner? How would you know how to get there? You would pick up a phone and ask.
What if you wanted to learn how to garden, or how to build a treehouse, or how to paint with watercolors? You would have to take a class, ask an expert, or
at the very least enter a bookstore (remember those?). You would be unable to learn how to do things by watching a YouTube video or reading an answer from
Ask.com. Human contact would be required to solve basic, everyday problems.

Valuing people means adopting an overt willingness to be inconvenienced.

Instead, as a society we have removed the need for connection. Our iPhones know everything, so there’s no need to ask questions of others. But what if
convenience isn’t as great as we all think it is? Is it possible that inconvenience is the real sweet spot?

As I read the Gospels, one fact is undeniable to me—Jesus valued people. Over and over He allowed Himself to be stopped, inconvenienced, and used by the
people around Him. There is a lesson to be learned here. Valuing people means adopting an overt willingness to be inconvenienced. It means doing things
that cannot be measured. It means developing relationships based on who people really are and not who we want them to be.

Trojan Horse #3: Busyness

This idol may not look like a giant horse. It’s more likely to resemble your job or your church or your kids’ sports schedule. But I am convinced that in
the war for true connectedness, the Trojan horse sitting outside our gates that poses the biggest threat is busyness.

Here’s a look at just how big this idol has become.

• One study found that 80% of Americans work the equivalent of a second work day after leaving the office.
• We’re doing plenty of work inside our office walls too. Nearly 10 million Americans worked more than 60 hours per week last year. We work longer
  hours than almost every other advanced country.
• We’re too busy to sleep. More than one-third of working Americans sleep less than six hours per night. That means there are 40 million of us
  suffering from chronic sleep deprivation.

Yep, we are a busy bunch, and our breakneck pace is hitting us where it hurts. One study found that 60% of Christians around the world feel that their
hectic schedule prevents them from spending more time with God. That trend is also reflected in our relationships with others. The simple truth is this:
the roots of our relationships cannot grow deep when we don’t have time for true, meaningful connection off the clock.

Sending the Trojan Horse Back

Allow me to rewrite history for a moment. After a ten-year war, the Greeks retreat with no warning and leave in their place a giant wooden horse. The
Trojans have a moment of clarity. They realize this doesn’t make sense. The jig is up. The small team is easily defeated once exposed. Troy wins.

You can rewrite your own story too, you know? You don’t have to keep pace with the rest of the world. As a Christian, God deserves the firstfruits of your
time and energy, not another excuse about why there is no time left to know and be known. As a parent, your children deserve to have the best of you, not
the scraps left over by a bulging schedule. As someone with only one life to live, you deserve to know that rich relationships are possible. The world will
keep on spinning. Our iStuff will keep on beeping. The offers to go and do and be will keep coming, but a peaceful life full of deep relationships is
possible, and it’s worth fighting for.

• Do you feel lonely and disconnected, even though you have lots of people in your world?
• Do you recognize the impact of any of these Trojan horses in your own life?
• What can you do to push them back outside the gates?

Note: Much of this post was taken from my latest book, Connected: Curing the Pandemic of Everyone Feeling Alone Together. I’ll give away a copy to one of you who tells me about the “Trojan horses” that are impacting your relationships.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Please Stop the World—I Want to Get Off!”

I hate waiting. We all do. Waiting for God to move can feel especially uncomfortable. When I’ve prayed and do not yet see God’s hand at work, I tend to get
squirmy. Did He hear me? Will He answer? Will these circumstances ever change?

Despite our culture’s efforts to eliminate waiting from daily life (think ATMs, pay at the pump, and drive-through windows) inevitably life sticks in the
waiting room. Because we serve a God who operates on His timetable, not ours, waiting is a by-product of our prayer lives as well.

Maybe you’re in the waiting room:

• Waiting for God to heal your physical body
• Waiting for God to bring you a spouse or a baby
• Waiting for God to work in your church
• Waiting for God to bring a prodigal child home
• Waiting for employment
• Waiting for reconciliation

Yep, I’m in the waiting room too these days. But, I’m determined not to spend this time kicking and screaming. I want to wait well. I don’t want to waste
the waiting.

An Expert Waiter

Moses was an expert waiter. First, he waited to be rescued as a wee babe in a bulrush basket (Ex. 2:2). Perhaps he was too small to remember that moment of
waiting, but it was a glimpse of how the rest of Moses’ life would go.

After murdering a man, Moses fled his home and family to the foreign land of Midian. He waited there for forty years (Acts 7:30). He spent four decades
waiting for something to happen or for news that he could return safely home. Something did happen. Moses encountered the voice of God booming from a
burning bush (Exodus 3:2). The wait was over! He had a mission.

But he found himself in the waiting room again soon, waiting for Pharaoh to let his people go. Once that wait was over, he wandered with God’s people in
the desert for another forty years, waiting to enter the Promised Land. In total, Moses spent at least eight decades waiting for the Lord. He died at the
age of 120 (Deut. 34:7), meaning he spent more than 60% of his life in the waiting room.

As we look at his life, here are ten lessons we can learn about how to wait well.

1. Be Content

After finding himself in a strange land with no family or possessions, Moses was invited to live with the Midianite priest and his family. I doubt the
situation was perfect. But Moses chose contentment.

“And Moses was content to dwell with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah” (Ex. 2:21).

You have a choice. You can wait with great anxiety, fear, and frustration. Or you can wait with contentment. Here’s a visual. Think of the last time you
sat in the waiting room at the pediatrician’s office. Since I have three young boys, that’s a stop I make about as often as the post office.

There are two kinds of waiters in that waiting room. There are the children who scream and cry and dump toys. And there are the children who snuggle close
to their mommies or quietly wait (thanks to the help of the Disney app on their daddy’s iPhone). Both kinds of kids have to wait. The kid throwing a fit
doesn’t get in to the doctor any sooner than the one who isn’t. But believe me, as a mama who has waited with both kinds of kids, the waiting feels
infinitely longer to the distraught kid (and his parents!).

You don’t have to be happy about the waiting, but you can choose contentment.

First Timothy 6:6 reminds us, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

2. Love Your Own Family Well

Moses’ forty years in Midian were not unproductive years. He had two sons during that time (Acts 7:29) and devoted himself to caring for them and their
mother.

This is a simple, yet effective, action plan for waiting well. Take care of your tribe. Love your children and grandchildren. Serve your husband. Don’t
force them to bear the brunt of your anxious heart. Stop wringing your hands and get busy taking care of the people in your world.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1
Tim. 5:8).

3. Work Hard

How did Moses spend his days in Midian while He waited for God to reveal the game plan? Did he pace the floors? Search the Internet for answers? (No, of
course not. There was no Internet, but that’s often how we fill the waiting space, isn’t it?) Take matters into his own hands?

“Now Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Midian, and he led his flock to the west side of the wilderness and came to
Horeb, the mountain of God” (Ex. 3:1).

Moses was about to get shoved from the waiting room to the operating room, where God would give him a new identity and purpose. Moses was steps away from
encountering the living God speaking from a burning bush. And what do we find him doing there?

He was herding sheep.

Training to be used by God is more likely to happen in the sheep fields than it is to happen in the palace. Especially when we are waiting for God to use
us for kingdom work, we need reminded of the value of working hard and stewarding well the tasks He has already assigned to us.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Col. 3:23).

4. Intercede for Others

As Moses wandered in the wilderness, waiting for deliverance into the Promised Land, he prayed bold, powerful prayers for God’s people. (See Ex. 33:12-16,
Num. 14:13-19). He knew the promised outcome, but he didn’t stop praying for God’s work.

As you wait for God to work in your own life, pray like crazy that He would move in others’. Your faith will be shored up by seeing God’s hand in the lives
of other people.

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people” (1 Tim. 2:1).

5. Value God’s Commands

We all know the story of when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments on slabs of stone only to smash them out of anger for the people’s rebellion (Ex.
20:1-21). Moses was passionate about both God’s Word and righteous living. So much so, that he trekked back up the mountain to retrieve a second copy of
the commandments from God (Ex. 34:28).

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I am waiting on God I feel bitter about how He has called me to live. I don’t want to have joy in the waiting
room. I want to pout. I don’t want to trust in Him when I cannot see Him, I want Him to reveal Himself. Frankly, sometimes I want to be the one to “throw
down the tablets” in frustration.

Instead, I need to trek back up the mountain to be with the Lord. I need to ask Him to remind me of His priorities. I need to be about the business of
living like He calls me to live. The waiting room reminds me that I serve a big God who does not jump through the hoops I set for Him. I should live
according to His Word at all times.

6. Go to War Against Idols

In Exodus 32 Moses came down from the mountain (another waiting room) and found his people worshipping a golden calf. His reaction to this idol was not
passive.

“He took the calf that they had made and burned it with fire and ground it into powder and scattered it on the water and made the people of Israel drink
it” (Ex. 32:20).

Throughout the exodus Moses was diligent about purging idolatry from his people. The waiting room has that effect. Often, waiting exposes idols in my own
heart. As my heart gets squirmy, I often come face to face with the fact that I am looking to something other than God to meet my needs. Then I have to
swallow my pride, which tastes about as bitter as the powdered gold Moses’ made His people drink, and repent. Because of this pattern, I have found the
waiting room to often be a gift. It is there that God does business with my heart. It almost always hurts, but the end result is a heart more devoted to
God. If waiting makes your heart go wild, ask the Lord to reveal any idols you may have settled for.

7. Celebrate!

Moses’ people did lots of wandering, but they also did plenty of partying.

“On the day of your gladness also, and at your appointed feasts and at the beginning of your months, you shall blow the trumpets over your burnt offerings
and over the sacrifices of your peace offerings. They shall be a reminder of you before your God: I am the LORD your God” (Num. 10:10).

Even in the waiting room, God has given you much to celebrate. Instead of focusing on all that He has not done yet, rejoice about all He has already done
for you.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice” (Phil. 4:4).

8. Keep Your Eyes on the Promised Land

What has God promised you? Even if He has not delivered yet. Even if the finish line is nowhere in sight, you can take His promises to the bank. Moses knew
that and spoke these words,

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments to
a thousand generations” (Deut. 7:9).

Moses knew what it was like to wait. He waited longer and more often than I ever have, but all of that waiting didn’t weaken his faith. It strengthened it.
In the end, he decided God is faithful. We can trust Him to take us where He has promised He will.

9. Seek God

One phrase Moses uttered over and over in the wilderness was, “Let me ask the Lord.” He was constantly double-checking with God that they were headed in
the right direction. As you wait, seek God often. Read His Word. Squeeze your desires and plans through them and make sure you are headed in the right
direction.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt. 6:33).

10. Enjoy the Journey

While Moses waited for God to deliver His people into the Promised Land, he saw:

• God change Pharaoh’s heart
• God part the Red Sea

• Food rain from heaven and water spout from rocks

• Clothing and sandals that did not wear out for forty years
• A pillar of fire led Moses by day and a cloud of smoke by night
• By God’s power alone, somewhere in the neighborhood of two million people survived in the desert for forty years. Moses had a front row seat.

God may not be doing the one thing you want Him to do at this moment, but He is doing a million things that He promises are working for your good (Rom.
8:28). Don’t get tunnel vision, honing in only on what has not happened yet. Widen the lens and see all He has already done.

Moses refused to try to manipulate God. He waited well and stayed ready to move when God called, and what a ride he got to take! As I wait, I want to be
like Moses. Do you?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Are You Tired of Waiting on the Lord?“

“Marriage Under Fire”

“Government to Hear Testimony on the Re-Definition of Marriage”

“Biblical Definition of Marriage Questioned”

Nope. I didn’t rip these headlines from today’s blog roll. Not yesterday’s either. Yes, I know they are an accurate description of the state of the marriage debate our country is currently facing, but we’re not the first society to wrestle over the subject of marriage.

God’s plans will not ultimately be thwarted.

These headlines describe what was happening in sixteenth century England during the English Reformation. In case it’s been awhile since you sat in a world history class, here is a crash course. Pay attention to the parallels between what was happening then and what is happening now. (Don’t worry. There won’t be a quiz!)

• King Henry VIII wanted his marriage to Catherine of Aragon annulled.
• Catherine had not yet given Henry a male heir, and he had a sudden and passionate interest in a new lady, Anne Boleyn.
• This ignited a frenzy of public debate about marriage, government’s involvement in marriage, and the limit (if any) of the Bible’s authority in our private lives.
• It became a political affair centered around a theological dispute.
• In other words, marriage became the issue around which politicians, church leaders, and the public war danced.
• Because of the invention of the printing press, more words were written and circulated than ever before. If you had an opinion, you had the option to share it beyond your immediate circle. (Kind of like an old-fashioned blogosphere!)

Ultimately, good ol’ Henry split from the authority of the Pope and the Catholic Church and created the Church of England to get his annulment. But why am I taking us so far down this ancient path?

The Battle for Biblical Marriage Is Not New

Let’s take a slightly shorter trip into the history books and hop back a few decades. In the 1970s and 80s, cultural forces converged to create skyrocketing divorce rates. The “no fault divorce” was introduced and the effect worked like tidal wave in American homes. Almost half of couples who got married in the 70s and 80s divorced. That number stuck in the American psyche and caused much hand wringing, especially in the church.

I was a preschooler in the 80s, too young to be aware of any debate in the public sphere. As the 90s hit, I still didn’t care much about public opinion and was not yet a Christian, but I knew that my parents were divorced, and it was devastating. I started paying very close attention to how people talked about marriage. I picked up on a tone that seemed to say, “Marriage is a doomed institution and married people are more likely to win the lottery than to stay happy.” Needless to say, I headed into my own marriage with great fear and low expectations for success.

Now sociologists are telling us there is good news. The divorce surge is over! But for those of us in the church, there is still a great deal of hand wringing and head shaking.

The definition of marriage is still being debated. Is marriage strictly between a man and a woman? Can it be between two men? Two women? One man and multiple women? Is marriage forever or just for now? Is divorce healthy or devastating? Should individuals have the freedom to choose what marriage looks like, or do we need to agree on a consensus?

Just like in Henry VIII’s time, the government is involved in the discussion. The church leaders are involved. The public is involved and fractured.

We continue the war dance.

If you’re wringing your hands, stop. This is not bad news. In fact, it’s the opposite.

Lean in. Listen close.

People have been trying to re-define God’s plan for marriage for centuries and yet, God’s plan still stands.

A House That Must Be Built

Several months ago, I read through the book of Ezra. It’s a short, Old Testament book that outlines the rebuilding of God’s temple by a ragamuffin crew of exiled Jews.

God’s people begin to rebuild His place of worship. They stake their claim. Draw their lines in the sand and declare, “We will do what God calls us to.”

Go on, picture yourself in their midst. As a Christian, called to stand for truth in a world where anything goes, the task can feel monumental. Sometimes it seems like that for every step forward we are pushed ten steps back. God’s people in the book of Ezra knew this feeling. Their beliefs and purpose were not popular or widely accepted.

“Then the people of the land discouraged the people of Judah and made them afraid to build and bribed counselors against them to frustrate their purpose, all the days of Cyrus king of Persia, even until the reign of Darius king of Persia” (Ezra 4:4–5).

The general public tried to block God’s people. They wrote accusatory letters, convinced that the remnant was intolerant. There were decrees from kings to cease and desist. The cause looked hopeless much more often than it looked hopeful.

And yet . . .

“And the people of Israel, the priests and the Levites and the rest of the returned exiles, celebrated the dedication of this house of God with joy” (Ezra 6:16). 

Despite resistance from kings, the pushback of public opinion, and the unpopularity of their cause, God’s people were not stopped.

As I finished the book of Ezra, one theme came into clear focus: the plans of God cannot be stopped.

When it comes to marriage, that’s the good news, but of course there is bad news. Marriage may always be in the sights of the Enemy who seeks to kill and destroy all that God has made (John 10:10). That’s because it’s a picture of God’s unbreakable covenant with His people (Eph. 5:32). There have been and will continue to be causalities, marriages that break or miss God’s mark . . . but all of history will end with the marriage between God and His people. Marriage will stand. 

But what should we do in the meantime?

A Strange Dedication Prayer

Ezra takes the lead in rallying the people toward God’s purposes in the book of Ezra. As Christians in an anything goes world, we’d be wise to take our cues from him.

“For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the LORD, and to do it and to teach his statutes and rules in Israel” (Ezra 7:10).

Ezra studied God’s Word and taught it faithfully. Even when that was unpopular.

He also prayed like crazy. In fact, at the dedication service for the temple that cost so much blood, sweat, and tears to build, Ezra is deeply broken on the issue of marriage. He realizes that God’s people have intermarried with the pagan people around him and his reaction is anything but passive. He tears his clothes and yanks the hair from his head and beard (Ezra 9:3). He fasted and then he fell on his knees and prayed this prayer . . .

“O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted to the heavens.”

For verse after verse Ezra goes on about the sin of his people, but this is not a “get ’em God” prayer. There was no “us” versus “them.” Ezra lumps himself with his people and asks for mercy in spite of the prevalence of marriages that don’t stick to God’s plan.

What happened next?

“While Ezra prayed and made confessing, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, a very great assembly of men, women, and children, gathered to him out of Israel, for the people wept bitterly.”

The people repented.
They committed to marriages that honored God.
The tide turned.

Marriage will stand, but there is a battle to be fought for it. God’s plans will not ultimately be thwarted. Kings cannot stop the plans of God. Neither can angry mobs. Cultural trends do not change His mind or dilute His message. That knowledge is enough to stop the hand wringing. And yet, there are many who would come against God’s plan for marriage? What should we do about them?

Lets pray like Ezra and watch for the tide to turn.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Praying for a Restoration of Marriage.”

Fasting is the spiritual discipline of denying ourselves of something (typically food) to feast on the things of God. I explored some reasons to fast in yesterday’s post. Perhaps you sense the Lord is leading you to fast. You may be thinking, Now what?

To get you started, here are answers to some practical questions about fasting.

Q. Do I have to fast from food?

When we see fasting in the Bible, typically food is involved. But what the individuals eat (or don’t eat) varies. For example:

• Moses had no bread or water for forty days (Deut. 9:9).
• Esther didn’t eat or drink anything for three days (Esther 4:15–17).
• Daniel ate no delicacies, meat, or wine for three weeks (Dan. 10:3). In other words, he ate to live but not for enjoyment.

The Bible doesn’t give us strict rules about what we can and cannot eat during a fast because the focus is less on what we do (or don’t do) and more on what we are asking God to do in our lives.

With that in mind, food isn’t the only thing we can fast from. When considering a fast ask this question, “What can I remove from my life for a season in order to make more space for prayer?” Here are some ideas:

• Fast from all social media.
• Fast from TV.
• Fast from your favorite show.
• Fast from a certain activity that is a part of your daily routine.

Q. How long should I fast?

Again, the Bible describes wide variety in the length of fasts. Here are a few examples:

• All of the people of Israel fasted for one day after a devastating battle in Judges 20:26.
• Esther asked the Jews to join her in fasting for three days before she approached the king on their behalf in Esther 4:16.
• The men of Israel fasted for seven days to mourn the death of Saul in 1 Samuel 31:13.
• Moses fasted for forty days before receiving the Ten Commandments in Deuteronomy 9:9–18. Jesus fasted for this same amount of time before starting His ministry in Matthew 4.

So, how can you know how long to fast?

Ask the Lord. If He is leading you to fast, He will make the specifics clear.

Look at your calendar. Do you have a big event coming up that would make fasting difficult? Are you hosting a dinner at your house? Is there a holiday coming up? In order to keep your commitment to the Lord, plan a fast that is manageable with your responsibilities and commitments.

Q. What am I supposed to do during the fast?

You are supposed to pray like crazy!

Fasting without praying isn’t fasting. It is dieting or deprivation. The only reason to fast is to make space for you to seek the Lord with greater urgency. Here is what that might look like practically.

• During the times when you would be eating, pray!
• Use those hunger pangs as a reminder to pray. When your belly rumbles, seek the Lord.
• Pray passages of Scripture related to hunger. Here are a few such prayers.
  • Lord, Your Word says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness” (Matt. 5:6).
    Increase my hunger for You and Your Word just like my physical hunger is increased during this fast.
  • Jesus, You said, “Man cannot live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4).
    Teach me to be sustained by Your Word.
  • Lord, Your Word promises that You can satisfy my needs (Isa. 58:11). Help me to see all of the ways You satisfy and sustain me.

Q. But I’m a momma! How can I stop cooking?

You can’t! Those little mouths will still need to be fed. Lunches will still need to be packed. Your family will still need your care. Explain to them what you are doing upfront and ask them to pray for you. Take meal times as an opportunity to explain what you are praying about and how God is answering. Use the opportunity to teach your kids about prayer and open a dialogue about what God is doing in each of your lives.

Q. Is it okay to tell others I am fasting?

It will be impossible to hide your fast from your family, but the Bible clearly teaches that fasting should be as private as possible.

Here is fasting 101 according to Jesus:

“And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matt. 6:16–18).

In Luke 18:10–14, Jesus hammered this point home by blasting a Pharisee who fasted publicly in order to draw attention to himself.

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed[a] thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

A natural by-product of fasting should be humility. It doesn’t take long without food to realize that we aren’t really in charge. We cannot even sustain our own bodies without food the Lord provides. When fasting becomes about impressing others or trying to impress or persuade God, we’ve missed the point.

Speaking of impressing God . . .

Q. Will fasting earn me preferred parking in heaven?

It may be a temptation while fasting to think of yourself as super spiritual or to convince yourself that God will be highly pleased with your fast. The truth is, God is already pleased with you (Rom. 8:1). He accepts you, not because of anything you do or don’t do, but because He created you and ransomed you through His sacrifice, not yours. Because of this, fasting is not a gift we give to God, but rather it is a gift He gives to us. Ultimately, we fast under grace, not under the law. It’s not about rules; it’s about our relationship with God.

Q. Why haven’t I heard more about fasting?

Honestly, I’m not sure! It is a subject that gets plenty of real estate in God’s Word but isn’t talked about much in our Christian circles. As I’ve studied fasting, I’ve realized that fasting is an important discipline for my Christian walk just like prayer and Bible study. God has moved some major mountains in my life recently through fasting.

That’s why I wanted to open this dialogue about fasting with you. I’m not an expert on fasting, but I’d love to become one. Maybe you can help me out! What truths has God shown you in His Word about fasting? What has your experience with fasting been? Do you have some questions about fasting we could dig into God’s Word to answer together? Leave me a comment below.

If you enjoyed this post, read part 1 by Erin, “Should I Be Fasting?“

Mark 9 contains a story I’ve read a zillion times before. Jesus and His inner circle were coming down from the mountain where they had experienced the transfiguration and making their way toward joining the other disciples.

While Jesus, Peter, James, and John were up on the mountain, the remaining disciples had an encounter with a heartsick daddy and his demon possessed boy.

“Teacher, I brought my son to You. He has a spirit that makes him unable to speak. Wherever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to drive it out, but they couldn’t” (Mark 9:17–18).

It is during this encounter that the dad prays one of my favorite prayers in all of Scripture, “I do believe! Help my unbelief!” (v. 24). Jesus casts the demon out of the boy, and he stands up cleansed and healed in front of his dad.

After the dust cleared the disciples asked an important question:

“Why couldn’t we drive it out? (v. 28).

Jesus replied, “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer [and fasting]” (v. 29).

For me, the two words found inside the brackets of the text are like a gold nugget of truth I’d never noticed until recently.

“This one can only be driven out by prayer and fasting?”

If that was true for a child afflicted by demons and his desperate daddy, is it true for something in my life? What about the things that seem to throw me to the ground or toss me up against the ropes? Can they only be dealt with through prayer and fasting? What about when I’m in the fire like this boy was? Are prayer and fasting the only way out? What about those things that I’ve tried and tried to fix and cannot? Is fasting the key that unlocks the remedy?

Those questions nudged me to run to God’s Word looking for answers to this big question, “Should I be fasting?” Here’s what I found.

Good Reasons to Fast

Fasting is a theme throughout all of Scripture. Fasting is never commanded for all believers, but the Bible does give us lots of good reasons to fast including:

• Fasting before making an important decision (Acts 13:2, 14:23).
• Fasting to overcome addiction (Isa. 56:3–7).
• Fasting for God’s intervention (2 Sam. 12:15–17).
• Fasting to show humility (Ps. 35:13).
• Fasting in response to grief or mourning (Ps. 35:14, Esther 4:3).
• Fasting to request God’s protection (Esther 4:15–16, Ezra 8:21–23).
• Fasting to set apart leaders for Christian service (Acts 13:2–3).
• Fasting with repentance (Joel 2:12–15).
• Fasting as a leader who desires God to work amongst your people (Jonah 3:6–10).

Fasting in Good Company

I can find plenty of good reasons to fast from that list. Scripture also shows us that many of the superheroes of our faith, including Jesus, fasted.

• Moses fasted before receiving the Ten Commandments (Deut 9:9–18).
• David fasted to mourn his child’s illness and ask God to intervene (2 Sam. 12:1–23).
• Ezra fasted to mourn the sin of his people (Ezra 10:6–17).
• Esther fasted for the safety of the Jews (Esther 4:15–17).
• Daniel fasted for an answer to prayer (Dan. 10:1–3).
• The elders of the church in Antioch fasted before sending out missionaries (Acts 13:1–3).
• Jesus Himself fasted before starting His ministry (Matt. 4:1–2).

These are the people I want to be like when I grow up. I want the power of Moses. The passion for the Lord of David. The courage of Esther. The boldness of Daniel. The gospel focus of the church in Antioch. Above all things, I want to be like Jesus. If Jesus fasted, I want to follow His example.

If we are looking to the Bible for good reasons to fast, there are plenty of them. But the Bible also offers a few bad reasons to fast.

3 Bad Reasons to Fast

Not all fasts are God honoring. Here are three bad reasons to fast.

1. To twist God’s arm

   The people described in Isaiah 58 were regular fasters. But they got miffed when God didn’t seem to notice (v. 3). God took the opportunity to teach His people about true and false fasting. What’s the bottom line? Fasting is about positioning our own hearts, not twisting the arm of God. It is not a transaction where we fast and God gives us what we want. (That would make Him a pretty small God, no?) It is a gift He gives to us, not a gift we give to Him.

2. To gloss over our sin

The Pharisees were regular fasters too, but they were also very good at missing the point. In Luke 18-1–14, Jesus blasts a Pharisee who publicly declared that he fasts twice a week while simultaneously glossing over his own sin. Fasting is not a substitute for repentance.

3. To show off

   Jesus said we should pray in secret. It’s not because fasting is shameful or something to be covered up, but because it is private—it’s between you and God. If your motivation for fasting is to impress others, to make them see you as super spiritual or extra holy, go ahead and have the cheeseburger, sista, cuz that is not what fasting is really about.

Is God Calling You to Fast?

I told you God’s Word has A LOT to say on the subject of fasting! And I’m just getting warmed up. There’s still so much to discuss. Be sure to hop back on the blog tomorrow for a follow-up post, “A Modern Woman’s Guide to Fasting” for some practical helps for how to fast.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever fasted? Do you fast regularly?
Why do you fast?

(Note: All verses were taken from the HCSB.)

Ladies’ Bible studies are a staple in most of our churches. That’s a good thing! Titus 2:3–5 tells us that it is God’s design that women teach God’s Word to each other. But have you ever wondered what those closest to you really think about your women’s group?

I polled my wise (and handsome!) husband about the reasons why husbands might not be mega-fans of their wives’ women’s group. His answers were surprising, thoughtful, and more than a little convicting.

Here are six reasons why your husband may not like your women’s group.

1. You come home with a to-do list for him.

Here’s how this might look at my house . . .

My weekly Bible study group hones in on the passage Ephesians 5:22–33. It outlines God’s blueprint for a beautiful and Christ-exalting marriage. There are specific instructions for both husbands and wives, but my heart parks on verse 25.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.”

The more I think about it, the more it’s clear that my husband isn’t loving me in this way. When I get home from Bible study, I decide I should help the Holy Spirit in making my husband more like Jesus. I sit him down for a “state of the relationship address” with a plan to talk about some of the ways I feel like he isn’t loving me as well as he should.

Stop looking at the Word with an agenda to “fix” your husband, children, or others.

This might be comical if it weren’t so true. It is easy to look at Scripture and see what others should be doing. It is much harder to view God’s Word through the lens of, “What should I be doing differently?” Jesus diagnosed this as plank-eye syndrome.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matt. 7:3).

When you look at Scripture both on your own and with other women, force yourself to ask these two questions:

• What does this passage show me about God?
• What does this passage show me about myself?

Stop looking at the Word with an agenda to “fix” your husband, children, or others.

2. You come home with other people’s stories.

Transparency in your women’s group is a good thing. It should be a safe place for women to take off their masks and get real about what’s going on in their lives. But what happens at Bible study should stay at Bible study. If you come home from your group and unload stories of whose marriage is in trouble, whose finances are out of whack, or who is facing a personal crisis at home, your husband becomes an unwilling participant in gossip, and that’s not good for anyone.

Proverbs 11:12–13 says,

“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”

I know you may feel the need to get the deep stuff you’ve heard in your group off your chest. I know you may want to tell your husband “everything,” but a wise woman sees the hurts and trials shared with her by other women as precious treasures, to be kept close and prayed over often. Women are no more likely to spontaneously combust than our male counterparts. (I looked it up!) You will not burst into flames if you don’t run home and share every secret you heard at Bible study with your man.

3. You give your best to others.

“STOP EATING THOSE COOKIES THEY ARE FOR MY WOMEN’S BIBLE STUDY GROUP!”

Ever shout something similar to that at your husband and children?

Don’t put your best foot forward for your friends and give the leftovers to those at home.

Does your women’s group get your best cooking, best attitude, and best behavior while your family gets your worst behaviors and a frozen pizza? Don’t put your best foot forward for your friends and give the leftovers to those at home.

Remember that Titus 2 verse? It instructs us to be loving and kind to our husbands and children and busy at home. Give them the best of you. And if you’re in charge of snacks for Bible study . . . bake a double batch!

4. You complain about him there.

When women get together, the conversation almost always turns to relationships. It’s easy to default to complaining mode in the cocooned safety of other women whose husbands also forget to take out the trash. But using your women’s group as a sounding board for everything you’d like to change about your man isn’t the Titus 2 blueprint. Don’t use it as a place to vent about your children, coworkers, or in-laws either. Here is a good “rule” for the conversations among your group.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).

Don’t assume that everyone already knows this verse. Talk about if often. Maybe open each discussion by reading it out loud.

5. You resent “man time.”

Titus 2 isn’t just for women. Verses 1–2 are instructions for Titus, the male pastor of a growing church and say,

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and steadfastness.”

God’s design is that men teach each other the qualities of Christ-likeness, just like women teach women. But for my man, that doesn’t look like sitting around in a circle of other men with their Bible’s open.

It looks like standing in a trout stream with our pastor. It looks like taking a weekend hunting trip with the men from our small group. It looks like going out for coffee with his grandpa.

Give your man the freedom to learn from other men in non-traditional ways.

I’m the kind of gal who likes to have my husband near me 24/7, especially as we parent our three small children. It’s hard for me let him go do other things, especially if they seem frivolous to me, but he doesn’t seem to have my hang ups. He graciously encourages me to spend time with other women often. He doesn’t have a rubric for what quality time looks like. When I grow up, I want to be just like him.

Give your man the freedom to learn from other men in non-traditional ways.

6. You’re a hearer not a doer.

I once heard a pastor say, “It’s possible to sit in church for thirty years and just get meaner.”

The same could be said about women’s Bible studies. Female friends are great. Women’s Bible studies are great. But if it does not translate to a changed heart and life, it’s a lot like banging on a big ol’ gong.

James 1:22 cuts to the chase,

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

Here’s a game plan to make sure your husband loves your women’s group.

• Go to your women’s group.
• (Leave some yummy goodies behind for him and the kids).
• Roll up your sleeves and dig into God’s Word together.
• And then put into practice what you’ve learned.
• In other words, BE A DOER!

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Our Male-Bashing Bible Study.”

When speaking to parents and leaders of teenagers, I often hear a version of this question:

“There is a girl in my church (or a group of girls) who wear totally inappropriate clothes to church. What do I say to her?”

Here’s my response . . .

Drop Your Stone

For those of us who have grown up in the church, the choices of non-Christians can often be alarming. But we need to stop being surprised when the lost act lost. It’s been my consistent experience that young women usually don’t dress immodestly because they want to ooze sexuality but simply because they don’t understand God’s heart on the issue.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ.

Let’s take a detour to a story that might help us see how to approach that young lady in your church like Jesus would.

In John 8, Jesus encountered a woman whose life was riddled with sexual sin, and she probably looked like it. She had been “caught in the act” of adultery after all. I doubt she had time to throw on modest clothing before she was dragged before Jesus. How does Jesus handle the issue?

First, He deals with the hearts of her accusers.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (v.7).

Maybe you don’t come in to church wearing a spaghetti-strap top and way-too-short skirt, but did you bring anger, bitterness, resentment, or addiction? Immodesty is an easy-to-spot sin, but don’t come at that girl with judgment or frustration. Wait to approach her until you can do so in love.

Start with the Gospel

After the woman’s accusers realized they had too much of their own junk to make a case against someone else, they slowly slinked away. But that didn’t mean Jesus let the adulterous woman off the hook. He did confront her sin. Titus 2:3–5 gives us permission to speak truth into the lives of young women. Look how Jesus did it:

Jesus: “Has no one condemned you?”
Woman: “No one, Lord.”
Jesus: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (vv. 10–11).

This is the simple, beautiful message of the gospel. There’s no doubt we are all guilty of sin. We can’t cover it up or talk our way out of it. The adulterous woman deserved the punishment the crowd wanted to give her. She was guilty. I deserve the punishment of death that is suitable for sinners. I am guilty. But Jesus offers the woman an exchange. Trade in condemnation for acceptance. Trade in shame for love. Trade in a life of sin to become a new creation.

Does that girl in the pew in front of you know the gospel? Has she turned her life over to Him? Just because she is in church doesn’t mean she has. When you approach her, start with the gospel.

Let’s Figure This Out Together

Long ago, I was a high school history teacher. Maybe that’s why my love for young women is so deep. I believe with my whole heart that middle school and high school girls can change the world.

Back in my teacher days, I had a mantra that colored every lesson plan I wrote, “Whoever is doing the work is doing the learning.” Sure, you could download your thoughts on modesty to the young women in your world. They might think it matters. They probably won’t. But if you challenge them to open up the Bible for themselves and to discover God’s heart on this issue (or any issue) without an agenda, you will see the light bulb go off in their hearts.

This requires an important shift. We need to stop asking, “How can we get our girls to dress modestly?” and start asking, “How can we get our girls to be passionate students of God’s Word?” Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God’s Word works like a sword, surgically removing those parts of our hearts that don’t line up with the holiness of God. Which would you prefer? A girl who covers up out of obligation, or a girl who chooses to change because of God’s work in her through His Word?

Let me write your curriculum!

Here are some key verses and thoughts to get you and the girls in your church started.

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works” (1 Tim. 2:9–10).

This is a passage about what it should look like to be a woman of faith, but it is not a dress code. There’s no hem length mentioned here—no black and white rules about sleeves or no sleeves or the exact right place for a Christian woman’s neckline. In fact, this verse is less about the clothing we wear and more about God’s intention that we clothe ourselves with qualities that reflect Him.

Notice that right after Paul tells Timothy that women should dress modestly and avoid appearances designed to draw attention, he makes it clear what all women of faith should wear—”self-control” and “good works.” Obviously, those aren’t things that hang in my closet. When we talk to girls about the issue of modesty, we need to broaden the conversation to get them thinking about how the ways they present themselves reflect (or don’t reflect) Christ.

This is just a puzzle piece in the bigger picture of God’s heart for modestly presented in His Word:

• Matthew 6:28–30 tells us not to be preoccupied with clothes, but instead to focus on the things of God.
• 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 says that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we are to honor God with our bodies.
• 1 Peter 3:3–4 says that true beauty is internal. Nothing we could ever put on and nothing we could ever take off can give us the kind of true, lasting beauty that comes from Christ working in us.
• 1 Peter 5:5–6 urges us to clothe ourselves with humility.
• Proverbs 31:25 describes a woman who is clothed in strength and dignity.
• Psalm 132:9 talks about being clothed in righteousness.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ. This is why you have to start with the gospel when approaching this issue. No one can wear the qualities of Christ until they have turned their lives over to Him.

Take Her Shopping!

I’m not sure if you’ve ventured into a Forever 21 or Abercrombie and Fitch lately, but being a young woman with a commitment to modesty and purity isn’t easy. Marketers aren’t pushing girls toward the “respectable apparel” that Paul mentioned in 1 Timothy but toward the opposite. If the girls in your church are going to live like Christ has called them to in this area, they are going to need reinforcements. Care for her heart, first, through love and Bible study, but then help her give teeth to what she’s learning by venturing with her into the mall with ideas and encouragement.

Yes, modesty matters! But the hearts of the young women in your world matter so much more. Can you swap the adulterous woman found in the story in John 8 with a girl in your world? If so, will you ask the Lord to help you respond to her like He would by sharing the gospel in love?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Gentle Jesus, Meek and . . . Modest.”

When speaking to parents and leaders of teenagers, I often hear a version of this question:

“There is a girl in my church (or a group of girls) who wear totally inappropriate clothes to church. What do I say to her?”

Here’s my response . . .

Drop Your Stone

For those of us who have grown up in the church, the choices of non-Christians can often be alarming. But we need to stop being surprised when the lost act lost. It’s been my consistent experience that young women usually don’t dress immodestly because they want to ooze sexuality but simply because they don’t understand God’s heart on the issue.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ.

Let’s take a detour to a story that might help us see how to approach that young lady in your church like Jesus would.

In John 8, Jesus encountered a woman whose life was riddled with sexual sin, and she probably looked like it. She had been “caught in the act” of adultery after all. I doubt she had time to throw on modest clothing before she was dragged before Jesus. How does Jesus handle the issue?

First, He deals with the hearts of her accusers.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (v.7).

Maybe you don’t come in to church wearing a spaghetti-strap top and way-too-short skirt, but did you bring anger, bitterness, resentment, or addiction? Immodesty is an easy-to-spot sin, but don’t come at that girl with judgment or frustration. Wait to approach her until you can do so in love.

Start with the Gospel

After the woman’s accusers realized they had too much of their own junk to make a case against someone else, they slowly slinked away. But that didn’t mean Jesus let the adulterous woman off the hook. He did confront her sin. Titus 2:3–5 gives us permission to speak truth into the lives of young women. Look how Jesus did it:

Jesus: “Has no one condemned you?”
Woman: “No one, Lord.”
Jesus: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (vv. 10–11).

This is the simple, beautiful message of the gospel. There’s no doubt we are all guilty of sin. We can’t cover it up or talk our way out of it. The adulterous woman deserved the punishment the crowd wanted to give her. She was guilty. I deserve the punishment of death that is suitable for sinners. I am guilty. But Jesus offers the woman an exchange. Trade in condemnation for acceptance. Trade in shame for love. Trade in a life of sin to become a new creation.

Does that girl in the pew in front of you know the gospel? Has she turned her life over to Him? Just because she is in church doesn’t mean she has. When you approach her, start with the gospel.

Let’s Figure This Out Together

Long ago, I was a high school history teacher. Maybe that’s why my love for young women is so deep. I believe with my whole heart that middle school and high school girls can change the world.

Back in my teacher days, I had a mantra that colored every lesson plan I wrote, “Whoever is doing the work is doing the learning.” Sure, you could download your thoughts on modesty to the young women in your world. They might think it matters. They probably won’t. But if you challenge them to open up the Bible for themselves and to discover God’s heart on this issue (or any issue) without an agenda, you will see the light bulb go off in their hearts.

This requires an important shift. We need to stop asking, “How can we get our girls to dress modestly?” and start asking, “How can we get our girls to be passionate students of God’s Word?” Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God’s Word works like a sword, surgically removing those parts of our hearts that don’t line up with the holiness of God. Which would you prefer? A girl who covers up out of obligation, or a girl who chooses to change because of God’s work in her through His Word?

Let me write your curriculum!

Here are some key verses and thoughts to get you and the girls in your church started.

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works” (1 Tim. 2:9–10).

This is a passage about what it should look like to be a woman of faith, but it is not a dress code. There’s no hem length mentioned here—no black and white rules about sleeves or no sleeves or the exact right place for a Christian woman’s neckline. In fact, this verse is less about the clothing we wear and more about God’s intention that we clothe ourselves with qualities that reflect Him.

Notice that right after Paul tells Timothy that women should dress modestly and avoid appearances designed to draw attention, he makes it clear what all women of faith should wear—”self-control” and “good works.” Obviously, those aren’t things that hang in my closet. When we talk to girls about the issue of modesty, we need to broaden the conversation to get them thinking about how the ways they present themselves reflect (or don’t reflect) Christ.

This is just a puzzle piece in the bigger picture of God’s heart for modestly presented in His Word:

• Matthew 6:28–30 tells us not to be preoccupied with clothes, but instead to focus on the things of God.
• 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 says that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we are to honor God with our bodies.
• 1 Peter 3:3–4 says that true beauty is internal. Nothing we could ever put on and nothing we could ever take off can give us the kind of true, lasting beauty that comes from Christ working in us.
• 1 Peter 5:5–6 urges us to clothe ourselves with humility.
• Proverbs 31:25 describes a woman who is clothed in strength and dignity.
• Psalm 132:9 talks about being clothed in righteousness.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ. This is why you have to start with the gospel when approaching this issue. No one can wear the qualities of Christ until they have turned their lives over to Him.

Take Her Shopping!

I’m not sure if you’ve ventured into a Forever 21 or Abercrombie and Fitch lately, but being a young woman with a commitment to modesty and purity isn’t easy. Marketers aren’t pushing girls toward the “respectable apparel” that Paul mentioned in 1 Timothy but toward the opposite. If the girls in your church are going to live like Christ has called them to in this area, they are going to need reinforcements. Care for her heart, first, through love and Bible study, but then help her give teeth to what she’s learning by venturing with her into the mall with ideas and encouragement.

Yes, modesty matters! But the hearts of the young women in your world matter so much more. Can you swap the adulterous woman found in the story in John 8 with a girl in your world? If so, will you ask the Lord to help you respond to her like He would by sharing the gospel in love?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Gentle Jesus, Meek and . . . Modest.”

Are you a New Year’s resolution maker? I’m not.

Over the years, I’ve found the tradition of vowing to change at the start of the New Year to be an exercise in disappointment. Every year, my diets fail, my habits stay the same, and my resolutions to do things differently fall flat.

Maybe that’s because I’ve been focusing on the wrong things.

I’m feeling motivated to make changes that truly matter. I want the same for you.

There’s nothing wrong with making the choice to be healthier or try new things at the start of a new year. But, this year I’m feeling motivated to make changes that truly matter. I want the same for you.

As I think about you, and what I hope for you in 2015, my thoughts keep circling back to the impact of God’s truth. Most of you come to this site because you’ve already been exposed to God’s truth in some way. But if you are like me, there is evidence in your life that that truth hasn’t truly transformed the way that you live.

There’s a difference between knowing God’s truth and fully embracing it. I can’t imagine the ways our lives would change if we chose to believe what God says in His Word and allowed that truth to change how we live. It’s even more exciting for me to envision the impact we could have on other women by knowing God’s truth, believing it, and putting it into action. That thought gives me goose bumps.

I’ll help you get started. In the last chapter of Lies Young Women Believe, Nancy and Dannah list several powerful truths to counter everyday lies. I’ve turned a few of those truths into action steps for the New Year. Your job is to identify the areas of your life that are in need of a dose of God’s truth and put that truth to work in your own life.

Ready? Let’s choose truth together!

1. I will praise God on good days and bad days this year.
   

   “You are good, and what you do is good” (Ps. 119:68a).

   When everything is going right, it’s easy to believe that God is good and to praise Him because of it. But when life gets tough, we are tempted to question God’s goodness and “forget” to praise Him. When your life gets messy, you can choose to believe God’s Word rather than trusting your emotions and praise God in all circumstances.

2. I will live like I am deeply loved this year.
   

   “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness'” (Jer. 31:3).

   Feeling unloved can have a huge impact on the way that we live. Specifically, believing the lie that no one cares about you can lead to depression, anxiety, and destructive behaviors. The truth is that you are deeply loved by God. If you believe God’s love is real and receive it, it will transform your life.

3. I will pay less attention to what others think of me this year.
   

   “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be pure and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”(Eph. 1:4–6).

   When a friend, a co-worker, or a loved one rejects us, it’s easy to let that rock our world. It’s also easy to get wrapped up in trying to please the people around us in order to avoid that rejection. But God’s truth is that He chose you and loved you enough to adopt you into His family. Choosing to fully embrace that truth provides the perspective we need to be less concerned about what others think.

4. I won’t use stuff to make me feel good this year.
   

   “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” (Ps. 23:1).

   God is enough to satisfy your needs. If you have Him, you have everything you need. Believing this truth allows you to stop trying to make yourself feel better by having the right stuff. You already have what you need.

5. I will do what it takes to overcome a sinful habit this year.
   

   “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been freed from sin” (Rom. 6:6–7).

   God’s truth is that you do not have to sin, and every sinful pattern in your life can be overcome by the power of Christ living in you. That doesn’t mean that overcoming sin doesn’t often take work. You may need to confess your sin to a Christian friend or pastor, recruit an accountability partner, or remove a habit or relationship that has become a stumbling block in order to stop a sinful habit in your life. But God’s Word promises that you can receive freedom. Believe that truth, and then do what is necessary to remove sin.

6. I will embrace a God-sized challenge this year.
   

   “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13).

   God has not commanded you to do anything that He will not give you the grace to do. That means, for example, that:

   • there is no one you cannot love (Matt. 5:44)
   • you can give thanks in all things (1 Thess. 5:18)
   • there is no one you cannot forgive (Mark 11:25)
   • you can be sexually pure (1 Thess. 4:3–4)
7. I will accept responsibility for my actions this year.
   

   “The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him” (Eze. 18:20).

   You are responsible before God for your behavior, responses, and choices. You may not be able to control the things that happen to you this year, but you can control how you respond to the things God allows to come into your life. Making the choice to stop blaming others for the negative patterns in your life and to assume personal responsibility for your own choices will free you to obey God regardless of your circumstances.

8. I will be more concerned about my holiness than my happiness this year.
   

   “Be holy because I am holy” (1 Pet. 1:16).

   Jesus didn’t die so that we could live a life for ourselves and our own pleasure, but so we could be free to live a life that pleases Him. Pleasing Him will sometimes require sacrifices. But any sacrifice we make is temporary and cannot be compared with the joy and fulfillment we will gain in eternity. Only through seeking to be holy can we ever experience true happiness.

9. I will add praise, thanksgiving, listening, and confession into my prayer life this year.
   

   “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Rom. 8:29a).

   God is more concerned about changing you and glorifying Himself than about solving your problems. With that truth in mind, a balanced prayer life should include more than just asking God to fix your problems. Work to build a relationship with God that is not strictly focused on asking Him to change your circumstances.

10. I will focus more on Jesus and less on myself this year.
    

    “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30).

    The truth is it’s not about you; it’s all about Him. The world was not created to revolve around you. It was created to revolve around Christ. This year, look for every opportunity to make your life more about serving Jesus and attracting others to Him.

Your life will be radically transformed this year if, by God’s grace, you make the decision to: 1) know God’s truth, 2) believe it, 3) act on it. How will you live out God’s truth in 2015? Leave a comment and tell us which resolution you plan to put into action. We’ll choose several of you to receive a 2015 Revive Our Hearts calendar.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “900 Years Worth of Resolutions.”

It’s been reduced to a cardboard sign held up at the edge of the wrestling ring or a mantra for frenzied NFL fans.

We assume everyone already knows it.

It’s a verse so well worn that it seems to have lost some of its luster.

But we still need John 3:16.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Did you skim it over? If so, go back and read it again. Let it marinate. Here are four messages from this verse we still need to hear and are especially appropriate as we take time to remember and celebrate Christ’s birth tomorrow.

1. God loves the world.

   You know the crazy world outside your front door? The one where wars are raging, diseases are spreading, and sometimes it seems like the whole ship is sinking? God loves that world. He loves Americans and Saudi Arabians. Those in the heartland and those in the Middle East. His love is big and global. It may not always seem like it, but He’s got the whole world in His hands, and He likes it that way. The wool is not now, nor has it ever been, pulled over God’s eyes. He sees the state things are in. He loves people who are lost and do not know him in the world. He loves the sick, the broken, and the sinful.

   He loved us when we were in that very state. Lost and broken. In glad rebellion against Him. His love for us didn’t begin when we surrendered our hearts to him and started to “clean up our act.” He loved when we were of the world.

   When we are tempted to shake our heads in disgust, wave our fist in defiance, or bury our heads in the sand over the condition of the world around us, we need to revisit John 3:16. God loves the world. Do we?

2. God gave His only son.

   The original sin was rooted in the lie that God didn’t really love Adam and Eve. If He had, Satan hinted, He would not withhold good things. Satan knew that lie would cut Eve to the quick. Soon enough, she was nibbling on forbidden fruit in an attempt to ease her insecurity about God’s love.

   I understand why Eve took the bait. I am very prone to questioning God’s love for me. If things don’t seem to be going right, I assume I’ve made God mad. I have a tendency to live in perpetual fear of disappointing Him. That’s why several years ago, I adopted a mantra I force myself to say often . . .

   
   I will measure God’s love by the cross and His power by the resurrection.
   

   Does God love me? Well, He sent His only Son to die for me. I think that screams a pretty big “yes!” Maybe your heart is like mine and needs frequent reminders of the price God paid to demonstrate His love.

3. Whoever believes

   John 3:16 uses a word that I often do not . . . “whoever.” It may seem like a benign word, but in the context of the gospel, I assure you, it is not.

   Salvation is available to “whoever believes in Him.” It is a free gift available to everyone. It’s not just for people who look like me, think like me, and Tweet the same blog posts I do. The gospel is so much bigger than that. I need John 3:16 because I need God to give me a bigger vision of His Church and a passion for lost people who don’t fit into the paradigms I create. Do you?

4. We will not perish, but have eternal life.

   When we surrender our lives to Christ, we are snatched from the fire. We will not burn up. We will not be destroyed. We will spend our eternity in heaven with Him.

   But sometimes heaven feels so far away.

   When my life is topsy turvy . . . when the future looks bleak or boring . . . when bad news comes . . . I can grab on to the promises of God and hold on for dear life. There is hope beyond my current suffering. There is hope beyond our ruined world. There is hope beyond the sin which so easily entangles (Heb. 12:1).

   We will not perish! We will have eternal life. That’s a promise I need daily.

5. We need John 3:17, too.

   While we are on a roll, let’s keep reading.

   “For God did not send his Son to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.”

   This passage is an antidote to our wrong thinking about God. He isn’t sitting up in heaven, waiting to zap us with a lightning bolt when we fail. Condemnation is not His specialty. Love is. He wants us to be saved from our sin. His heartfelt desire is for us to be reconciled to Him.

   In a world that often sees God as either overly permissive and unconcerned by our sin or overly judgmental and harsh, we all need to hear that He did not send Jesus to condemn us but rather to save us from the sin that separates us from Him. Your neighbors need to hear that message. Your friends need to hear that message. Your co-workers need to hear that message. Will you be the one to tell them?

How have these reminders about the gospel stirred your heart to worship your God and proclaim His greatness?

I’ve been praying for Santa and his wife, Mrs. Claus. I’ve invited them to church. They say they’d come if they just weren’t so busy. They own a small business that seems to eat up all of their free time. I’ve shared my faith with them before, and they always smile at me kindly. But they just won’t accept Jesus as their Savior. It’s not that they have a problem with Jesus. After all, Jesus and Santa are the two faces of the biggest holiday in the world. Santa respects Jesus, but what he cannot wrap his mind around is the Gospel.

You know the Gospel right?

The Part of the Gospel Santa Knows Best

It’s the truth that all of us are sinners. From the North Pole to the South Pole and in every nook and cranny in between, the planet is packed with sinners. It’s our very nature to rebel against God’s holy standards and try to live life on our terms. It rarely works out like we think it will, and that is bad news.

But there is worse news because there is a God in heaven who is not just holy. He’s holy, holy, holy. He is set apart. He is perfect. And because He is so holy, He cannot tolerate our sin. Isaiah 59:2 says that because of our sin, God hides His face from us. Our sin keeps us separated from our Creator. What’s more, Romans 6:23 says that the punishment that we all deserve is death.

Santa knows all about this half of the Gospel. He’s always watching for sin. Sure, he calls it naughtiness, but it’s the same thing. He sees us when we’re sleeping. He knows when we’re awake. He knows when we’ve been bad or good. The pervasiveness of sin is no surprise to Santa. He has dished out enough lumps of coal to know there are plenty of naughty boys and girls in the world.

But just focusing on sin causes us to miss the beauty of the Gospel.

The Best Gift That Santa Can’t Give

Romans 6:23 goes on to say, “But the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

I can be a lot like Santa. I feel like I have to earn God’s love.

God’s gift of salvation is totally, 100%, no-strings-attached free. In fact, that is what Christmas is really all about. Jesus came as a baby, but He had no intention of staying so small. He was laid in a wooden crib that first Christmas so that He could bear a wooden cross in order to change my heart of stone. Because of my sin, I deserve so much worse than a lump of coal. I deserve death and eternal separation from the Holy God. Jesus came to pay that penalty. It is an immeasurable gift that I did not earn and could never repay.

Santa just can’t get his head around it. He doesn’t understand free gifts. His reality is a team of elves working day and night to create gifts for good little boys and girls. He associates gifts with effort and elbow grease.

I can be a lot like Santa. I feel like I have to earn God’s love. I find myself often wondering if He will take back the gift He gave me and replace it with a lump of coal. But that is not the Gospel, and it’s not the true message of Christmas either.

Jesus came as a perfect bundle so He could die as a perfect sacrifice. No jolly man in a red suit with a bag of toys can offer me anything sweeter.

Santa and his family will have to decide for themselves whether they want to keep clinging to the idea that all good and perfect gifts can only be earned through good and perfect behavior, but I’ve already made up my mind. Of course, I’m not really praying for our culturally created version of Santa or inviting him to church, but I imagine this is why he would turn down the Gospel if he were my neighbor. It’s why so many of us do.

Christmas is so miraculous because it points to a bigger story. Jesus came as a perfect bundle so He could die as a perfect sacrifice. No jolly man in a red suit with a bag of toys can offer me anything sweeter.

How do you fix your eyes on the Gospel during the Christmas season? Leave me a comment below with your answer.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Some Thoughts on the Guy in the Red Suit.”

“Hello, my name is Erin, and my parents are divorced.” Sometimes, I feel like I’m a member of a club that I can’t get out of, even if I fail to pay my dues. It’s the Adult Child of Divorce Club, and there are times when being a member is no picnic.

Much effort is often made to console and comfort children whose parents are divorcing (and rightfully so). But when we become adults, no one seems to want to talk about it anymore. It’s entirely possible that if you’re a child of divorce, you start to feel the familiar pangs of sadness, anger, resentment, and loss resulting right about the time you flip your calendar from October to November. That’s because the holidays can usher in a season of angst while we try to navigate celebrations at multiple households, interact with parents and step-parents, and face painful memories of past holidays.

Divorce leaves such a painful scar on our hearts that we may need to forgive our parents (or their significant others) many times.

While my husband sees six (yes, six!) holiday dinners as nothing more than a chance to chow down, I see it as a huge reminder that my parents and my grandparents are divorced. All those turkeys just represent failed marriages to me.

Don’t get me wrong—it has been twenty-one years since my parents divorced, and by God’s grace, I am fully healed of the resulting pain. But I still have to navigate my complicated family situation every year for the holidays. If you’re in the Adult Child of Divorce Club, you have to deal with similar issues. I’d like to start an open dialogue about how, as children of divorce, we can avoid potential land mines and thrive in this season. Believe me, I haven’t got this all figured out, but after twenty-one holiday seasons with divorced parents, God has taught me a lesson or two. Such as . . .

Forgiveness Is Not a Suggestion

God’s Word gives us clear commands to forgive. We tend to think of forgiveness like a dot on a map. Yes, I visited “Forgiveness” once. I checked that off my to-do list. But, it’s not always that simple. Divorce leaves such a painful scar on our hearts that we may need to forgive our parents (or their significant others) many times. Does the impact of your parent’s divorce on your holidays make you feel angry, hurt, bitter, or resentful all over again? Let those emotions serve as a reminder to forgive, not because your parents deserve it, but because Jesus commanded you to, and because He has forgiven you!

Foster Unity

My parents have been divorced more than two decades. Each of them is happily re-married. But, they still have many important things in common: mainly me, my siblings, my children, and my siblings’ children. That’s why I’ve suggested having some holiday celebrations together as one BIG, happy family.

Not every family could do that, but I do what’s in my power to make being together feel natural by treating everyone equally. Whether you get everyone together in the same room or not, how can you foster family unity this holiday season?

Call ‘Em as You See ‘Em

Sometimes more pain is caused by what isn’t said than by what is. Refusing to ever talk about the divorce again won’t make it less painful. We had trouble working out our Thanksgiving plans this year because there were multiple houses to go to on the same day and I didn’t want to stretch my small children (or myself) too thin. Instead of forcing arrangements that would have added to stress or sweeping the challenges under the rug, I simply called both sets of parents and said something like, “I’d rather not go to both houses on the same day. We end up not enjoying the holiday because we are so rushed. I want to be a blessing to you. How can we work together to fix this?”

We came up with an arrangement that worked for everyone and we were all better off because we talked about the challenges of our blended families openly and with a goal to love each other well.

Be Intentional About Legacy

As grown children of divorce, the odds are stacked against us. But we have tremendous hope in God’s power to transform our circumstances for His glory—your parents may be divorced, but that doesn’t define you. That is not your legacy. Use the holiday season as a reminder of God’s ability to heal, transform, and restore. And then ask Him to strengthen your own marriage, friendships, and overall mental health in the days and weeks to come.

I now call the meeting for the Adult Child of Divorce Club to order. Today’s topic: making the holidays sweeter. What do you do to navigate this time of year with grace, even with your family’s “interesting” dynamics?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “5 Ways to Make the Holidays More Peaceful.”

My mom’s crockpot corn (yum!). My granny’s cranberry salad (yuck!). My Aunt Rhonda’s pumpkin cake (double yum!). All of these will make an appearance at my family’s Thanksgiving table this year. But those yummy dishes will be chased by a harder pill to swallow.

As the men move into the living room to catch the football game, the women will fall into a familiar pattern. We will bemoan all of the food we just ate. We’ll promise to diet in earnest in the new year. We’ll joke that we removed the calories from the pumpkin pie. But inside, no one will be laughing because in my family beauty can be one ugly subject.

The Ugly Legacy of Beauty

Several years ago, I wrote a book about true beauty for young women. It chronicled my struggles with an eating disorder and the freedom I found when I learned to see my beauty through the filter of God’s Word. Six years later, I should see if anyone has a copy of that book so I can borrow it. After three babies and an ever-fluctuating number on the scale, I still struggle to see myself as I know God sees me.

When we fail to see our worth or strive to find value somewhere other than God, our hearts are revealing pockets of unbelief.

In some ways, embracing our God-given beauty and worth is a struggle for all women. When I read Eve’s story way back in the Garden, I see a woman who was really asking “Am I enough?” when the serpent offered her a slice of fruit that would make her like God.

But for some of us, the struggle is more intense. I suppose there could be lots of reasons for that, but for me, lies about beauty and worth have wreaked havoc on my family for generations. Do you know where I learned to struggle with my beauty? From my momma. As I little girl, I watched her go on every diet imaginable. I heard her constant comments about her weight. I saw her make faces at herself in the mirror. Where did my momma learn to struggle with her beauty and worth? From her momma, of course. It’s a part of our family folklore that long before the existence of the FDA, granny once took diet pills that turned out to be tapeworms (Ew!). I never met my great-grandma, but I have a hunch that she struggled to embrace her worth, too. Looking for value in a certain size or weight or style has the worst kind of trickle-down effect.

As I started to travel and speak about beauty to young women, I realized my mom and I needed to have a chat. I told her I wanted to honor her but felt compelled to open a dialogue about the often ugly legacy of beauty lies. She started to cry and said, “I thought telling you that you were beautiful was enough.”

Sigh. I wish it was that simple.

I don’t have any daughters (only a house full of rowdy boys!), but I’ve had to learn this hard parenting lesson: Do as I say not as I do, is hogwash. Our kiddos will never believe God’s Truth if we don’t.

Lord, Help my Unbelief

Make no mistake, when we get off track about the source of our value, it’s not about numbers on the scale or how our pants fit. It’s bigger than that. Ultimately, it’s an issue of unbelief. Maybe it’s not your outer beauty that makes you question your worth. Perhaps you gauge your value by:

• The number of Twitter followers or Facebook friends you have
• Who’s reading your blog
• The size of your house
• Your ability to get the job done
• What others think of you
• What your family looks like
• How many plates you can keep spinning

Those are all symptoms of the same problem—we don’t believe God’s Word. He has declared we have great value that is not based on any of the things on that list. I know what you’re thinking, Hold the phone! I love the Bible. I believe the Bible.

And yet . . .

• Genesis 1:27 says you bear the image of God.
• Psalm 139:14 says that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
• 1 Corinthians 6:20 says you were bought with a price.
• Matthew 10:29–31 says God values you highly.
• Ephesians 2:10 says you are God’s workmanship. You were created by the master Artisan!

When we fail to see our worth or strive to find value somewhere other than God, our hearts are revealing pockets of unbelief. We don’t believe that God really meant what He said when He spoke so boldly about our significance. We don’t believe He really intended for us to be this way. We don’t believe that He could have made us with fear and wonder.

Why does that matter? Because when women fail to find their worth in Christ, there is always collateral damage. When we look to others to affirm our value, we saddle them with a weight they cannot bear. Even worse, our insecurity is contagious. The girls in your world are especially vulnerable to catching yours.

Why I Wrote This Post

I knew I needed to write this post after a recent women’s event where I spoke. I was teaching out of 2 Corinthians 12:9, in which Paul declares that he would gladly boast in his weaknesses because they provided an opportunity for Christ’s strength to be put on full display. I asked the women to write about their weaknesses in “brag books.”

Overwhelmingly, the number one weakness women wrote about was their weight and inability to control their relationship with food. Lack of self-control with their children and discipline to read God’s Word came in second and third, but it wasn’t even a close race. When those women thought about weakness, they thought about food and weight.

I understand. I struggle to have self-control in this area too, but it is only a symptom, not the bigger problem. My weakness is sin. I desperately need Jesus’ work in my life. Sure, that can look like jamming a box of cookies in my mouth to deal with emotional overload. But with so many women locked in a pattern of love to eat, hate to eat, and seeing food and weight (I’m not talking about women who have genuine physiological reasons for being overweight nor am I advocating that we all need to be stick-thin), not sin, as their primary weakness, it’s no wonder our girls are struggling.

And believe me, they are struggling . . .

• 91% of women on college campuses diet—22% of them diet “often” or “always.”
• Almost half of American children between 1st and 3rd grade want to be thinner, and half of nine- to ten-year-old girls are dieting.
• There has been a rise in incidences of anorexia in young women between the ages of fifteen and nineteen every decade since the 1930s.
• 40% of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls fifteen–nineteen years old.

The Girls at Your Table

I spend a lot of time counseling young women. Girls who cut. Girls who skip meals. Girls who will date any guy who will make them feel beautiful. They all find their way into my world often. I do what I can to help them. I pray for them. I point them toward God’s Word. But my reach is limited. You’re the ones who need to do the hard work.

If you’re a momma or grandma (or aunt, or sister, or cousin), you can be sure that the young women in your world are watching you between the eye rolls. They really are listening to what you say, but they have a laser-like focus on what you do. If you’re looking for your worth anywhere other than Christ, they will pick up the scent in a heartbeat.

Even if there is a long history of rejecting God’s truth about beauty in your family, you are free to stop the pattern.

The holiday season offers a unique opportunity to open up a dialogue about food since there’s so much of it! Family gatherings have a strange way of exposing our insecurities, providing another opportunity for teachable moments. If the legacy of beauty is ugly in your family, this could be the year when you turn things around.

Practically, that means being very careful about how you talk about the food on your Thanksgiving table. It is not an enemy. It’s a gift to be enjoyed with much gratitude and no guilt. It also means taking the time to speak life to the girls who will join you to celebrate this year. Tell them how much God loves them. Remind them that their worth comes from Him.

Because I love young women so much, I’m hoping you will join me in fighting for their hearts. But first, we must be brave and let the Lord change ours.

• What makes you feel insecure?
• Are there girls in your world vulnerable to “catching” those insecurities?
• What changes can you make to change the legacy of beauty in your family?

Even if there is a long history of rejecting God’s truth about beauty in your family, you are free to stop the pattern. You can eat without guilt or shame. You can look in the mirror and appreciate what God has created in you. You can know that your value and worth are not affected by the number of helpings on your plate. When you truly believe what God says about you, it is guaranteed to send shock waves through your family.

Whatdya say? Will you join me in choosing to believe what God says about our value this Thanksgiving?

If you’re willing to break the pattern of generational insecurity, leave me a comment to tell me about it. I will choose three of you to win a free copy of my book, Graffiti: Learning to See the Art in Ourselves.

If you want to jump start a conversation with your girl on this issue, check out this post on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com together and discuss.

First things first, I believe the Bible calls all of us into ministry. As followers of Christ, sharing the gospel (Mark 16:15), making disciples (Matt. 28:19), and caring for those in need (Matt. 25:35–40) are tasks assigned to all of us.

And probably in anticipation of our tendency to compare, God makes it clear in His Word that the ways we minister may look different, but it all matters. Just like the parts of a body are all needed, each of us must do our part for Christ’s body to work at maximum efficiency (1 Cor. 12).

Having a ministry can look a million different ways:

• It might look like teaching kindergarten Sunday school.
• It might look like mentoring a young, single mom.
• It might look like leading worship.
• It might look like writing books.
• It might look like raising children to know and follow Christ.
• It might look like managing a blog.
• It might look like knitting warm hats.
• It might look like praying like crazy.

I could keep going, but there really isn’t space inside my brain or in this blog post to paint a picture of all of the forms that ministry can take.

So, if you are a Christian seeking to live like God calls you to live, chances are you have a ministry.

I’ve learned the hard way that when it comes to ministry, too often we use the wrong ruler to gauge our success. Maybe you’ve fallen into the same trap. Here are three terrible ways to measure the impact of your ministry.

1. People love you.

   Selling a bajillion books, gaining oodles of Twitter followers, packing the seats of a sanctuary . . . these are not good indicators of successful ministry. We tend to think that if people are showing up with smiles on their faces, God is blessing, but this is not the pattern we see in the Bible.

   How’s this for a mind-bending truth?

   “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets” (Luke 6:22–23).

   The Bible doesn’t say you’re blessed when everyone pats you on the back. It doesn’t say it’s awesome when you’ve been propelled to superstardom in the Kingdom of Christ. Nope. The Bible says we should jump up and down with joy when people hate us. We should rejoice when we are left out because of our faith. We are in the company of the spiritual giants who go before us when our ministry repels some people instead of drawing them in.

   There is a balance to be struck here. If the gospel is your core message, growth is a good thing. As you are impacting people for the Kingdom, they are bound to want to pat you on the back. But if you stick your finger into the wind of public opinion to determine the success of your Kingdom work, it will feel like a wild goose chase.

2. There is immediate fruit.

   I once mentored a young woman named Amanda. Every single Wednesday for more than a year, I picked her up from school, took her out for pizza, and tried to get her to care about Jesus. She was a closed book! She sealed up her heart like a vault at Fort Knox. She never opened up to me, never showed enthusiasm for what I was showing her in the Word, never gave any indication of interest in the things of God.

   Just because the impact isn’t immediately felt, doesn’t mean what you’re doing for the Kingdom isn’t fruitful.

   If you had asked me during that year, or in the several years following, if my ministry with Amanda was fruitful, I would have said, “No way!” But there was growth in Amanda’s heart I could not yet see.

   Fast forward nearly ten years, and I got a letter from Amanda. She told me what a difference that year made in her life. She wrote about God’s Word like the living and active book I so wanted her to take interest in. She told me she’s now a wife and a momma, seeking to honor Jesus in her home. Spiritual fruit hung in big bunches from her life, but it didn’t grow quickly. That growth took years.

   In Matthew 13:4–8 Jesus told us this would happen.

   “And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.”

   Did you know that radishes grow quickly? In only twenty-five days you can plant a radish seed and then pull it up and eat it with your dinner. Pears, on the other hand, grow slowly. It can take up to twelve years for a pear to grow from a seed to ripe, juicy fruit, ready to eat.

   I don’t know about you, but I’d take a pear over a radish any day of the week. Sometimes the best fruit takes time to develop. That’s as true in ministry as it is in vegetable gardening.

   Just because the impact isn’t immediately felt, doesn’t mean what you’re doing for the Kingdom isn’t fruitful.

3. The sailing is smooth.

   Confession: I wrote this blog post for myself. I have a bad habit of throwing my hands in the air and assuming I’m doing ministry all wrong whenever the road gets rocky. But Bible says that trials are simply par for the course. In fact, we can respond to trials with that same jumping-up-and-down joy that we do to criticism because they help us minister for the long haul.

   “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2–4).

   If he was using ease as the gauge for success, Paul would have hung up his hat. Likewise, we shouldn’t determine our effectiveness by whether or not the going is easy. (Did you hear that, Erin?)

Who’s In Charge of Growth?

So how can you know if you are ministering effectively? It may seem crazy . . . but I’m not sure you can.

In 1 Corinthians 3:6–7, Paul said this about ministry. “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.”

Ultimately, the fruit of your efforts aren’t up to you. You can’t predict how God will grow your ministry nor can you control it. You can be faithful, looking for opportunities to share and to serve everywhere you go, and at the end of the day, you can lay down your garden tools and trust God with the fruit.

Speaking of gardens and fruit, here’s a promise for all who minister. There will be a harvest, friend. I look forward to reaping it together with you.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Gal. 6:9).

What promises keep you going as you do ministry for the Kingdom?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Ministry Is Messy.”

Editor’s Note: This is Day 14 of our 15-Day Heart Prep series for True Woman ’14.

Don’t miss a thing at True Woman ’14. Get the True Woman ’14 App to keep updated with bonus material, schedules, maps, speaker information, resources, and more!

There will be a Teen Track for girls in 9th–12th grade led by Dannah Gresh and Erin Davis. Young women will explore biblical truth on topics that are relevant to their lives and spend some exciting time in plenary sessions with their mothers and other adult women who attend the event. 

Prisca (later changed to Priscilla) and Aquilla were my kind of people. They had a ferocious love for Jesus and His people. We know from 1 Corinthians 16:19 that they hosted a New Testament church in their home. Their willingness to serve made a difference, because Paul gives them several shout-outs in the New Testament, always sending his greetings to Prisca and Aquilla accompanied by high praise for their kingdom work:

“Greet Prisca and Aquilla, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well” (Rom. 16:3–4, emphasis added).

In Romans 16:3–4 we see that these were people who were willing to take risks for God’s glory. Paul says, “they risked their necks for my life.” In this case, Prisca and Aquilla may have literally risked their lives for Paul, but they were “sticking their necks out” in other ways. They were risking their comfort by hosting a church in their home. They were putting their reputations on the line. And let’s face it, investing in others is always risky. Just because you stick your neck out for someone does not mean they will return the favor.

It is impossible to live the Christian life without risk.

But these two took big risks for the kingdom, and I doubt they did it for Paul’s praise. Paul was clear. These were his family members in Christ, fellow laborers in the task of making and training disciples. They were motivated by their love for Jesus and the calling He had placed on their lives.

As Christian women, we get to join the ranks of followers like Prisca and Aquilla. We are also fellow workers in Christ Jesus as we seek to do the kingdom work God has called each of us to. And I have a hunch that as thousands of us gather to seek the Lord together at True Woman ’14, He will call each of us to follow the lead of individuals like Prisca and Aquilla by sticking our necks out for Him. That might look like:

• Finally forgiving that person who hurt you so deeply.
• Agreeing to be the wife God calls you to be, even if your husband never changes.
• Standing up for biblical womanhood in a culture that is hostile toward God’s design for gender.
• Hosting a True Woman event in your local church after True Woman ’14.
• Confessing an area of sin that has kept you sidelined from loving and serving God’s people.

It is impossible to live the Christian life without risk. It is impossible to be a true woman of God without personal liability. But since Jesus stuck His neck way out for us, we are free to take risks for His name’s sake.

As you prepare to head to True Woman ’14, would you be willing to ask the Lord to make you more like Prisca and Aquilla by praying this bold prayer: Lord, at True Woman show me how I can stick my neck out for you and your people. Amen.

Helpful Tip for True Woman ’14 Attendees:

Be sure to bring your Bible and a pen!

LIVE Stream:

If you aren’t able to join us for True Woman ’14, be sure to watch via LIVE Stream Oct. 9–11.

My six-year-old is easily embarrassed. If his hair is going haywire or he makes a mistake in front of others, it is likely to result in tears. When he’s really embarrassed, he has a habit of finding a corner or a piece of furniture under which he can duck and hide.

Heightened self-consciousness is a normal part of development for my kindergartener. As his world expands, he is suddenly (and painfully) focused on fitting in. Being different in any way makes him uncomfortable. I have no doubt that he’ll work through it, and I’ll have my fearless boy back again soon (until the teenage years!), but his sudden tendency to blush so easily has me thinking about my own insecurities.

If I choose to believe what God says about me is true, insecurity doesn’t stand a chance.

It’s been a long time since I was six years old, but not so long since I wanted to impress others. Maybe I will never fully outgrow my desire to fit in or my fear of sticking out. But, after almost twenty years as a Christian, I can tell I am growing in grace because I blush less often. I still like to be liked, but it is no longer the end-all, be-all.

In fact, one of the unexpected “perks” of being a Christ follower is that the more I focus on Him, the less bandwidth I have to focus on me. The more I live my life Christ-conscious, the less self-conscious I feel.

Identity Check

One of the areas that has been most revolutionized by my relationship with Jesus has been my understanding of my identity. Through His Word, the Lord has sweetly helped me to see myself as He sees me. It isn’t always easy, but I’ve learned to cling to truths like:

• I am God’s beloved (Ps. 127:2).
• His love for me is everlasting (Jer. 31:3).
• I am God’s ambassador (Eph. 6:20).
• I am His adopted daughter (2 Cor. 6:18).
• My weaknesses highlight His strength (2 Cor. 12:10).
• I am highly valued (Luke 12:7).

If I choose to believe (and it is a choice) that what God says about me is true, insecurity doesn’t stand a chance. Embarrassment is the byproduct of worrying what others think of me. In contrast, security can be found in choosing to care most about what God thinks of me.

The List

Sometimes, as women, we live like who we are in Christ is just a theory instead of letting the powerful truths He outlines about us in His Word really change us. I don’t want to live like that! I don’t want to be like my little guy, running and hiding over things that don’t matter. I don’t want to make choices rooted in fear of failure or embarrassment. I want to stand tall, shoulders back and chin high, on the foundation of who God declares me to be.

That’s why, I’ve been working on a list of all the things I don’t have to be embarrassed about anymore. Here’s what I’ve got so far . . .

• I refuse to be embarrassed by my shape and size because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14).
• I refuse to be embarrassed about my house made messy by three small boys, because children are a blessing (Ps. 127:3).
• I refuse to be embarrassed about taking time to rest and refuel, since I am following Jesus’ lead (Mark 6:31).
• I refuse to be embarrassed about not being “in the know” as I seek to conform less and be transformed more (Rom. 12:2).
• I refuse to be embarrassed by saying “no” to lesser things in order to avoid the pitfalls of busyness (Luke 10:41–42).

Those are just a few of the ways I’m refusing to be embarrassed because of who I am in Christ. What’s on your list? Add it in the comments below.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Growing in Grace Like a Preschooler.”

Every good gardener knows that you can’t chop weeds. Try to go after those buggers with a weed eater, and you’ll get nowhere in a hurry. You’ve got to rip weeds up by the roots. Otherwise, they will just keep coming back and when they do, they’re bound to bring more and more of their weedy friends.

It’s no accident that God uses the image of a weed to describe a particular sin that has a way of creeping into all of our hearts. . . bitterness.

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Heb. 12:15).

Bitterness isn’t one of those big, flashy sins that you can see growing above the surface of our hearts. It may not show off like anger or produce big ol’ hunks of rotten fruit like disobedience. Bitterness is a sleeper sin. It grows beneath the surface, down deep in the soil of our hearts.

But the author’s warning in Hebrews is clear—that bitter root will one day sprout and when it does, “many will become defiled.” In other words, if that bitter root keeps growing there will be a harvest of pain for you and the people in your world. And because bitterness is a weedy sin that burrows in our hearts first, we can’t just cut off the behaviors that bitterness causes. (We will get to those in a minute). We need the Lord’s help to yank that baby up by the root.

The Pack That Bitterness Travels In

Ephesians 4:31 says,

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice.”

Paul is describing a cluster of emotions here that come along with bitterness. I know from experience that bitterness almost always travels in a nasty pack. When bitterness is taking root in my heart, usually wrath is too. The same goes for anger, slander, and malice.

Our pastor directed my husband and me to this passage as part of our pre-marital counseling. He described these emotions as a progression.

• If we don’t deal with bitterness, that bitterness will progress toward extreme anger (that’s wrath).
• If we don’t deal with the anger, we will start to clamor or demand what we want.
• If that doesn’t work we will start to talk bad about the object of our bitterness in the hopes of recruiting others to agree with and justify our feelings (that’s slander).
• If that goes unchecked we will eventually have a desire to cause harm to the person we are bitter toward.

All along the way, people are hurt, relationships are derailed, joy is stolen, and the Fruit of the Spirit growth is stunted.

Four Ways to Spot a Bitter Root

With so much on the line, it is wise to ask ourselves often, “Am I bitter?” Since bitterness is a sleeper sin, the answer isn’t always obvious. Here are four questions to help you spot a bitter root.

Am I replaying the tapes?

Do you find yourself constantly replaying the tapes of a conversation with someone? When you interact with her, do you spend days rehashing every word or body language cue?

Bitterness flourishes in the soil of justification. I’ve found that when I fixate on my interactions with a specific individual, I am looking for justification for the anger or frustration I am feeling in a relationship. I’ve learned that if I find myself replaying the tapes often, I should see it as red flag that something is off in my own heart.

Is my mouth out of control?

Romans 3:14 says, “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”

There is a connection between the junk that comes out of our mouths and the bitterness that tends to take root in our hearts. Do you find yourself losing your cool often? Are you critical, snappy, rude? Maybe the sins you are committing with your mouth are simply an extension of the bitterness that you have allowed to grow in your heart. If you are trying to deal with the way you speak and gaining no ground, it’s possible that you need to dig deeper and yank out the root of the problem.

Am I sick?

Psychologist Dr. Carsten Wrosch has studied bitterness for fifteen years. He says,

“When harbored for a long time, bitterness may forecast patterns of biological dysregulation (a physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function) and physical disease.”

Scientists have concluded that bitterness, if left unchecked, interferes with the body’s hormonal and immune systems. Bitter people tend to have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are much more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses.

Of course, the apostle Paul didn’t have access to this scientific data when he wrote much of the New Testament, but that didn’t keep him from connecting the dots between bitterness and our bodies. In Acts 8:23 Paul describes the “gall of bitterness.” It’s a bile, bitter substance that can literally make us sick.

Is my clan bitter?

The “bitter root” in Hebrews 12:15 is first described in Deuteronomy 29:18.

“Beware lest there be among you a man or a woman or a clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the Lord or God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit.”

Like all weeds, bitterness has a way of spreading. This passage describes one possible progression. A man infects his wife. She infects her children. The bitterness spreads and soon the whole tribe is infected.

• Is your marriage marked by bitterness?
• Are your children bitter?
• Does your group of friends tend to sit around and gripe?
• Is your church filled with harsh and angry people?
• Is your community prone to placing blame?

Is it possible that your own bitterness has had a ripple effect and that the poisonous root has burrowed past your own heart and into the hearts of the people you love?

Trust the Gardener

In John 15:1, Jesus said, “I am the true vine and my Father is the Gardener.” If those questions revealed some weedy roots, would you join me in this prayer?

Father, I confess my bitterness to you. Please show me how to get rid of the bitter root. Replace it with the Fruit of your Holy Spirit. Amen.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “

Posted on August 28, 2014

Your Sin Is Not in Your Junk Drawer

Is your sin really hiding in your junk drawer?

I’ve got a junk drawer so full of junk that it is renting storage space from three other drawers.

I can’t see the top of my washing machine. It is covered in soap, rags, laundry baskets, and an army of Lego men rescued from the dryer.

I haven’t cleaned out my closet since the last time we moved.

We think God is most concerned with our productivity. The truth is, He is most concerned with our holiness.

Despite my desire to live a tidy and organized life, I’m disorganized and scattered. I often find myself wishing God would give me a twenty-eight-hour day instead of the standard twenty-four. I just can’t seem to squeeze everything on my to-do list in between the hours when my alarm goes off and when I fall into bed praying the baby will let me catch a few winks.

I know I’m not the only woman frustrated by disorganization and inefficiency. But girls, it’s time we get real about how big of a deal our junk drawer really is. (Hint: It’s not).

An Irritating Fact

Several months ago, I was doing research for a writing project when I accidently stumbled onto a Barna study about Christian women and spiritual health. As I read, these stats jumped out at me.

When asked about sin struggles . . .

• 50% of women listed disorganization as their number one struggle.
• 42% of women listed inefficiency.

These were the top two struggles listed.

Something about that study stuck like a grain of sand in my heart. It irritated me, but I wasn’t sure why. But after a while, through the lens of my own heart, this pearl emerged.

As women, we think God is most concerned with our productivity. The truth is, He is most concerned with our holiness.

Which Mark Are You Missing?

The fact that half of Christian women would list disorganization as their number one sin struggle tells me that we don’t know (or we don’t like) what sin is.

Sin is not simply those nagging habits that we would like to change about ourselves. It isn’t the things that make our lives less than magazine-spread perfect. It’s not something that can be cured in ten easy organizational steps.

While God calls us to work hard as if doing all things for Him, His love for us is not tied to our ability to perform.

First John 3:4 defines sin this way, “Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.”

When we violate the law of God, found in His Word, we sin. We live in a culture that highly values productivity. Certainly, getting things done matters. But disorganization and inefficiency do not violate God’s law.

Deuteronomy 9:7 and Joshua 1:18 define sin as rebellion against God.

When you don’t master your to-do list who or what are you rebelling against? Your own expectations? Maybe. A culture that gives gold stars for productivity at all costs. Sure. But God is not disappointed in you when your to-do list is not wrapped in a tidy bow at the end of the day. Being disorganized is not rebellion against God or His law.

I’ve often heard sin defined as “missing the mark.” This is backed up by Romans 3:23 which says, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

Yes, we are all sinners because we all fall short of the glory and perfection of God, not because there is dirty laundry on the floor and expired cheese in the refrigerator. Jesus didn’t die to redeem your junk drawer. He died to redeem you from your tendency to run in the opposite direction of God and His plans for your life.

Don’t Waste Your Guilt

Certainly a clean and organized home is a worthy goal. There’s nothing wrong with getting organized. (You naturally organized girls were already typing me a letter on your label makers, weren’t you?)

Too many of us feel more guilty about the state of our homes than we do about the condition of our hearts.

But if half of us think falling short in the area of productivity is our number one problem, our priorities are out of whack with God’s. As a result, too many of us feel more guilty about the state of our homes than we do about the condition of our hearts.

I can’t help but wonder . . . as women, are we wasting valuable time and energy feeling guilty about our messy homes instead of asking the Lord to work in our messy lives? Are we going to war against sin with the same vigor and determination that we go to war against clutter?

And for me, here is the question at the root of it all:

Do we get that while God calls us to work hard as if doing all things for Him (Eph. 6:7), His love for us is not tied to our ability to perform.

In fact, God doesn’t shake His finger at messy. He uses our messes to proclaim His message. He uses our shortcomings as an opportunity to highlight our need for Him.

A Strange Poster Child for Prioritizing

Admittedly, I have some All-American girl, first-born achiever hang ups. I have a tendency to measure my value on my ability to perform. That’s probably why the story of Mary and Martha found in Luke 10 has always gotten on my nerves.

Martha is knocking performance out of the park. The Savior comes over to her house and she puts on a fabulous dinner party. Her sister, Mary, on the other hand, get’s the “Atta girl” from Jesus for just sitting at His feet, making Mary a strange poster child for how we are to order our lives.

“But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to [Jesus] and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her'” (Luke 10:40–41).

Based on this passage, I have a feeling that Martha would be among the 50% of women who list disorganization and inefficiency as her primary struggles. She just couldn’t seem to keep all of the plates spinning. But we need this story because it reminds us of a deeper truth.

Yes, having a clean house is good! Certainly, we should seek to show hospitality to others and to use our homes for God’s glory. Organization is a good thing too. It helps to smooth out the wrinkles in our day . . . but these are not the best portion. Productivity and organization should not be our primary goal or the measuring stick by which we calculate our value.

With that in mind, can I encourage you to examine your own life? Ask God to reveal the true sin in your life (remember sin violates God’s law) and to help you to repent. Ask Him to show you what true sin is and to see clearly if you are beating yourself up about something that doesn’t matter to Him.

Let’s ask God for strength to run toward holiness. If we can have a clean junk drawer and get the laundry caught up in the process, great. If not, let’s ask God to make us women who always choose the better portion.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “The Fine Art of Selection.”

 

$241,080

According to the USDA, that’s how much it costs to raise a child (not including college). I don’t have an extra quarter of a million dollars sitting around. Do you? Kids are expensive. The culture loves to remind us of this fact. Baby talk is usually accompanied by singing the blues over the rising cost of almost everything.

If God calls children a blessing, is it possible that He will bless that blessing?

The Bible is clear in passages like Proverbs 21:5 and Matthew 6:19–21 that God cares about your bank account, and He wants you to steward your resources well. So, if God wants us to be wise stewards of our resources, surely He would have us wait until we’ve got the money in the bank to cover all those diapers before having children, right? For those already parents, certainly God wouldn’t want you to add to your family until your checking account is robust and your house has more square footage, right?

Maybe. But maybe not. When it comes to planning for kids, here are four things to consider beyond your checking account balance.

God calls children a blessing.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Ps. 127:3).

It’s a simple truth really, but one many of us miss. Children are a blessing. Yes, they are expensive. Yes, diapers, and school shoes, and college educations cost a lot, but none of that changes the fact that God sees children as a blessing. Does the Bible call a fat savings account or total financial security a blessing? Nope. But it does say that children are. Perhaps we are pursuing the wrong gift.

If God calls children a blessing, is it possible that He will bless that blessing?

God is your provider.

My third-born just turned one year old, and I just bought my first box of diapers for him. Friends threw an unexpected shower for me that stocked me up. Family members bought diapers for him for Christmas and birthdays (because what baby really needs toys?). Other mommas whose babies had outgrown diapers passed their leftovers along to me without me ever asking them to do so. Bags of baby clothes have been given to me in the past year without me ever seeking them out . . . so has fresh produce just right for turning into baby food, new shoes for my little guy, and other gently-used baby items right when I needed them.

I know what you might be thinking, I don’t have friends that just drop stuff on my back porch!

Honestly, I might have said the same thing before I started having children. But God has used the people in my world over and over again to meet the practical needs of my family.

There’s no economic formula that can account for the generosity of God and His people.

I’m not the only one. I have friends who recently took in two girls in need of a stable home. God has provided everything from dressers to extra cash in order to fund the transition. I have another friend who received thousands of dollars through an IRS error for her international adoption. (Yes, God can use the IRS!)

There’s no economic formula that can account for the generosity of God and His people.

Philippians 4:19 promises, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

It’s good to budget and plan. It’s wise to live within your means, but don’t get caught up in thinking that the buck stops with you. God is ultimately your provider, and He will be the provider for your children. It may not make sense on paper, but if God is asking you to start or grow your family, you can be sure that He will provide.

Fear is not our friend.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isa. 41:10).

Fear not. It’s a commandment found throughout God’s Word.

It makes sense for those who don’t know Christ to operate out of scarcity. They don’t know what’s around the corner, so they stockpile and fret and do everything possible to avoid potential land mines.

Any decision that is made out of fear is out of whack with how God calls us to live.

But we know the God who is the beginning and the end (Rev. 1:8). He commands us not to worry (Matt. 6:25–34), not because there is nothing to worry about, but because He has our backs.

Any decision that is made out of fear is out of whack with how God calls us to live. Choosing not to have children or to add to your family because you are afraid of what may or may not happen or what you may or may not be able to pay for doesn’t line up with God’s call to fear not.

God’s economy doesn’t deal in the same currency as the American economy. He doesn’t have recessions or bear markets. He owns the cattle on 1,000 hillsides (Ps. 50:10); surely He can handle the expenses that come with growing your family.

Remember the goal.

Sometimes we avoid having children because we lose sight of the goal of parenting.

Psalm 127:4–5 says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

Jim Elliot applied that verse this way, “Remember how the Psalmist described children? He said that they were as a heritage from the Lord, and that every man should be happy who had his quiver full of them. And what is a quiver full of but arrows? And what are arrows for but to shoot? So, with the strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly—all of them, straight at the Enemy’s hosts.”

God doesn’t call us to raise well-dressed kids or kids with well-stocked playrooms. The ultimate goal isn’t just to get them through college in a car we managed to pay for. The goal of parenting is to raise kids who are dangerous to the Enemy. What resources are needed for that calling? Prayer. Discipleship. Bible study. More prayer. Living out God’s will in front of little eyes. Repentance they can see. Tons more prayer. Constant preaching of the Gospel to little hearts and heads.

Sure, these things are costly, but they won’t drain your bank account. It’s great to buy stuff for your kids. It’s fine to save for their future, but ultimately these are not the tools you most need to raise great kids. God is able to provide for your deepest parenting needs.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Trusting God with Everything.”

Enhance your summer reading with a True Woman book. The entire line is on sale this month.

Hey ladies!

I’m giddy to announce the release of my latest book, Connected: Curing the Pandemic of Everyone Feeling Alone Together. It’s about loneliness, and it’s the most personal thing I’ve ever written. I also know from months of traveling the country interviewing women like you that it might also be the most needed. Loneliness is a pandemic among us. But God’s Word holds the vaccine. Here’s a taste of the deep truth I found . . .

Polishing Up the Golden Rule

In Matthew 7, Jesus is teaching important principles about our relationships when He drops this little gem, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (v. 12).

We’ve come to identify this teaching as the Golden Rule. Later in Matthew, Jesus presented this same concept in a slightly different wrapper by saying that loving others as yourself is the second greatest commandment (Matt. 22:39).

We’ve got to learn to love others well without constantly wondering, What’s in this for me?

These verses urge us to love others in the same way we want to be loved, but they are not a guarantee that the favor will be returned. The Golden Rule is not an invitation to keep score.

When it comes to my relationships, I tend to think thoughts like these:

• I was nice to you today, so you better always be nice to me.
• I forgave you, but you better not ever hurt me again . . . or else.
• I helped you, so you better help me.

But this is not the spirit of the Golden Rule. And let’s face it; it doesn’t make for great relationships. If we want to know and be known, we need to stop keeping score. If we

want to move toward worrying less about having the right friends and put effort toward loving like Jesus did, we’ve got to learn to love others well without constantly wondering, What’s in this for me?

When Jesus gives us the second greatest commandment, what is He really commanding?

John Piper put it this way, “He is commanding that our self-love, which has now discovered its fulfillment in God-love, be the measure of the content of our neighbor-love. Or to put it another way, he is commanding that our inborn self-seeking, which has now been transposed into God-seeking, overflow and extend itself to our neighbor.”

Other’s Esteem

Jesus didn’t ask us to love others extravagantly simply so the neighborhood can hold hands and sing “Kumbaya.” It’s not about warm fuzzies. It’s about giving teeth to our faith. It’s about letting the abundant love God has demonstrated toward us overflow and impact others instead of keeping it bottled up and to ourselves.

When it comes to our relationships, this is a mark that so many of us miss.

In a culture completely obsessed with feeling good, we’ve been raised with the idea that our self-esteem should be fed into. We look to our relationships to satisfy our craving for constant ego strokes. This is not the formula that Jesus modeled or taught.

Paul was urging Christians in Philippi to be encouraged by Christ’s example when he penned these words: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3).

Perhaps it’s time we outgrow the notion that the purpose of our relationships is to provide a steady drip of feel-good fuel for our delicate self-esteem.

Perhaps it’s time we outgrow the notion that the purpose of our relationships is to provide a steady drip of feel-good fuel for our delicate self-esteem.

As I’ve wrestled with loneliness, I’ve learned that there’s more on the line than simply having great friends. If we can feel desperately lonely as wives, daughters, sisters, and friends, the antidote must be found in the quality of our relationships, not the quantity. The Bible teaches a paradoxical truth. The depth and quality of our relationships hinge on what we give, not what we get.

I don’t do math, but when we look at Jesus’ teachings and examples, it becomes clear why our relationship equations so rarely add up. We tend to plug the factors in this way:

Me + relationships built on my self-esteem = shallow connection.

We need a new equation that looks like this:

Me + relationships built on others’ esteem = deep connection.

No ATMS

True, deep connection, the kind that can keep us tethered and hemmed in, is born from sacrifice, not self-esteem. There is no room for an ATM mentality among the people of God.

If we are going to vaccinate ourselves and others against the pandemic of loneliness, we must love like Jesus loved. We’ve got to connect with people who have nothing to offer us. We should befriend the undesirable and cast out. We need to look at our relationships and ask what we can give instead of what we can get.

An Unexpected Parachute

Loving others wholeheartedly can feel like jumping without a parachute. There are no guarantees that they will love us back or be able to meet our relational needs. I think we should jump anyway . . . it’s the only way to find true connection. But as I looked in God’s Word for the answers to my loneliness, I found that God does offer a parachute. He is the parachute.

Deuteronomy 31:8 promises. “It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Do you feel lonely because no one is thinking about you? The truth is, since before you were even born, God knew you (Ps. 139:13–16).
• Do you feel like no one notices how hard life can be? God keeps a record of every heartbreak (Ps. 56:8).
• Do you feel friendless? Betrayed? Walked out on? The God who created everything out of nothing, who always was and always will be, whose name is Faithful and True, calls you His friend (John 15:15). You can never accurately say you are friendless. God’s offer for relational intimacy always stands.

So, yes, knowing and being known is risky, but God is able to meet our deep need for connection, and through His Word, He shows us how to let that ripple out into our relationships with others.

Ready to jump with me? If you’ve felt the sting of loneliness and are ready to discover the secrets of knowing and being known, leave me a comment about it. I will choose three of you to win a copy of Connected: Curing the Pandemic of Everyone Feeling Alone Together.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Weathering the Storms of Loneliness and Life.”

Women at home rocking tea-length dresses, frilly aprons, and adorable high heels, vacuuming with an Electrolux vacuum, while their 2.5 children play quietly nearby . . .

Is this the picture of perfect womanhood?

If you listen to the cultural debate on gender roles, you might think so. Too often, when we talk about womanhood, the discussion disintegrates into two sides trying to draw hard lines in the sand on issues like . . .

• Whether or not women should work outside the home.
• Who wears the proverbial pants at work, at church, and in the home?
• What is femininity, exactly?

The problem with drawing lines in the sand is that, inevitably, the tides turn and those lines get washed away. Just as soon as everyone seems to settle in to a new concept of womanhood, the culture shifts, and we are left to debate gender roles all over again.

Since sin slithered its way into a woman’s heart, womanhood God’s way has always been a struggle.

These are interesting times for sure. I believe that gender is the battlefield on which God’s Word is currently being challenged. I believe that when it comes to womanhood, the traditional will soon become radical and that womanhood according to God’s design is well on it’s way to being seen as an “alternative lifestyle choice.” I believe the reasons why I am not a feminist (you can read more about that in yesterday’s post) will continue to be tested and tried, stretched and debated in every public forum in the years to come.

None of that scares me, because this ain’t about throwbacks. It’s about choosing to look at God’s Word as the plumbline for who I am made to be.

True womanhood is not about returning to some ideological era where men went to work and women happily stayed home and did laundry while raising adorable, obedient children. Despite what your scrapbooks may tell you, that era never existed.

There has never been a golden age of womanhood. There’s never been a window of time when the culture all agreed on what womanhood should look like and living God’s way was fully accepted and en vogue.

Want proof? Check out the battle that raged in the heart of the first woman.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?'” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden,” but God said, “You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it lest you die.” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And the sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths” (Gen. 3:1–7).

We see in Eve a woman who . . .

• desperately wanted independence
• ignored the authority God had placed over her
• wanted to call the shots
• forgot the promises of God
• twisted Scripture to fit her agenda
• flirted with sin and became entangled

Sound familiar?

Yesterday, I defined feminism this way:

• valuing independence over dependence
• resisting authority
• convincing women that their roles are undesirable or second class

When we look at Genesis 3, we see feminism wasn’t born in college classrooms or women’s liberation rallies. Feminism was born in the Garden of Eden. The lie that women are free to step outside of God’s plan for them without consequences was whispered into the very first woman’s ear. It has continued to be whispered ever since. The battle to live according to God’s design isn’t a modern one. It has been raging since the beginning.

So to be clear, I’m not passionate about a cultural return to the 1950s. Frankly, vacuuming in high heels has never been my thing! This isn’t about finding some spot on the map of history and saying, “Look there! That was a time when women got things right.” Since sin slithered its way into a woman’s heart, womanhood God’s way has always been a struggle.

While the message of true womanhood can get a little tangled amidst the cultural debate, it’s really quite simple.

• I believe that God created men and women, as equal but distinct image-bearers of God.
• I believe that since He is our Creator, He gets to decide how our gender is best displayed.
• I believe that He outlined the blueprint for womanhood and manhood in His Word.
• I believe that by seeking to be the woman He designed me to be, I am putting His glory on full display.

As you consider the culture war about gender and decide where you stand, can I encourage you not to run to some ideological age of history, but rather to run straight to God’s Word? I know what you’ll find—a description of your identity that is timeless and eternal (high heels optional!).

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read part one,”Why I’m Not a Feminist.”

Drop this word into a room full of women and you’re sure to ignite a firestorm . . .

Feminism.

On the surface level, feminism looks benign. If feminism is simply the advocacy for women’s rights based on the idea that we are equal to men, I’m a believer.

My gender theology comes from Genesis 1:27.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

From the very first book of the very first chapter of the Bible, we see that men and women were created equal by God, equally esteemed by God, and given the equal and complementary task of being image-bearers of God.

The Bible is clear, when it comes to our value to the Creator, men and women are equal.

But the message of feminism does not stop there. You may be wondering, Who cares? This isn’t a blog about historical social movements after all. Didn’t women leave their bra-burning ways back a couple of decades ago?

In truth, feminism is the radical idea that women are god, capable of being their own authorities.

Actually, no. The message of feminism is alive and well, and it is no longer relegated to liberal university classrooms and Washington D.C. As the granddaughter of a feminist, I am increasingly aware of the ways the message of feminism has trickled into my heart and mind. I’m not the only one. A new wave of feminism is swelling among my peers and the generation under us.

As Christian women, it’s wise for us to consider the message of feminism and squeeze it through the grid of God’s Word. I don’t have all of the answers, but I know this: Because of the Bible, I am not a feminist. Here’s why.

Feminism Values Independence over Dependence

I recently saw these promises on the cover of a popular teen magazine . . .

• Girl Power
• Live Your Dreams
• Score Total Independence
• Make Your Own $$
• Starting Now!!!”

While financial independence is a good thing, “total independence” is not God’s plan (especially for the thirteen through sixteen year olds this magazine targets). God does not intend for us to be renegades who live without the assistance and accountability that our families, friends, and churches offer. Even more than that, God wants us to depend on Him, not take the proverbial bull by the horns.

As a little girl in a post-feminist world, I was taught that being an independent woman was a dream come true. But can I be honest? It didn’t do me any good to be taught that independence was my highest good. That kind of thinking didn’t prepare me for marriage. It didn’t prepare me to be a contributing member of the Church. It didn’t prepare me to depend on the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5–6 says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Feminism asserts that it’s a woman’s right to do, be, feel whatever she wants, regardless of the input of others. Because of that . . .

Feminism Resists Authority

The Bible is clear that authority is for our good. Romans 13:1–7 insists that everyone (men and women) be subject to governing authorities because all authority is “approved by God” (v. 1). First Peter 2:13–25 urges us to be subject to every human institution. Why? “For the Lord’s sake” (v. 13). Hebrews 13:17 encourages us to obey our spiritual authorities with joy and without groaning. And finally, in a passage that has a tendency to really ruffle feminist feathers, Ephesians 5:22–23 urges wives to submit to the authority of their husbands.

When you study the totality of God’s Word, it’s clear that God commands us to honor and obey our authorities for our own good. No authority is beyond His reach. No one has more say in our lives than He does.

Ultimately, the way we respond to our human authorities is very likely to be how we respond to the authority of God. If we arch our backs and pump our fists at every person and institution that infringes on our perceived rights, we are likely to respond in kind to God when He calls us to surrender to Him.

One of the mantras of feminism is that “feminism is the radical idea that women are people.” In truth, feminism is the radical idea that women are god, capable of being their own authorities.

Feminism Denigrates the Roles of Wife and Mother

Famous feminist Gloria Steinem said, “A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.”

If sex outside of the covenant of marriage and work outside of the home are the trademarks of liberation, you can count me out.

Idol worship never meets our needs. Only God can do that.

While the headlining message of feminism has always been equal rights for men and women, a consistent, secondary message has been that women need more than being “just” wives and moms. This just doesn’t jive with the truth that God highly values the roles of wife and mother.

I could shout from this soapbox all day, but I think this point is best made with just two passages of Scripture.

In Ephesians 5:32 Paul is describing marriage when he says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

Marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for His bride. As wives, we are putting the mystery of the gospel on display. That picture is cheapened when we devalue marriage.

Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”

Children are a blessing, not a burden. Motherhood is sacred, not old fashioned or out of date.

Feminism Doesn’t Work

As a young woman with a shallow understanding of God’s Word and a steady drip of feminist ideals into my heart, I didn’t know it, but I was a feminist. I believed I was the captain of my own destiny, that the path to fulfillment was through a killer career, and that men were best avoided or controlled. But you know what? It didn’t work.

Independence left me lonely.
Success left me addicted.
My new marriage was stretched and strained.

Ultimately, the promises of feminism just didn’t hold true. It is a belief set that ultimately promotes self to the point of idolatry. Idol worship never meets our needs. Only God can do that.

There are lots of causes I’d gladly march in support of, but feminism just isn’t one of them. God’s blueprint is what’s best for me as a woman. The message of feminism is a cheap substitute.

Mind hopping back on the blog tomorrow so we can continue this conversation with my follow-up post, “This Ain’t About Throwbacks?”

Until then, I’d love to hear from you. How has the message of feminism impacted you? How do you think it holds up to the magnifying glass of God’s Word?

Read part two, “This Ain’t About Throwbacks.”

I’ve been to eight women’s conferences in the last three months. I’ve got the t-shirts to prove it. As a Bible teacher, I have the privilege of attending lots of these events to speak. I meet beautiful women with hearts full to the brim with a desire to serve Jesus at every single one. But can I be honest? I’m a little sick of women’s conferences.

Tired of the Message

It’s not that I’m tired of being with other women. (I’m a mom of three boys, I’ll take all of the estrogen I can get!)

I’m not sure I could ever grow weary worshiping in a sanctuary full of women.
I love to hear the testimonies of how God has worked in the lives of others.
And usually, the food’s great too!

But there’s a message I hear at most women’s conferences (and young women’s conferences) that needs revisited. I heard it spoken from almost every stage I sat near this spring.

It sounds something like this . . .

You’re beautiful.
You’re valuable.
You matter.

What’s my beef with a message that warm and fuzzy? It’s a good message. But it’s not the message that women most need to hear.

The Message We Really Need

I understand how we got here. We live in a culture that pillages women’s self-esteem by screaming at us that we must be thinner, tanner, and more organized. It’s hard to stand tall when the pressures of our culture force our collective shoulders to sag and our heads to drop. And a woman who does not understand her value is guaranteed to cause some collateral damage in her relationships. Yes, women need to be told they matter.

We don’t need messages that turn our focus toward ourselves. We need messages that pry our eyes away from our needs, our wants, our desires . . . and toward Jesus and His calling that we serve others.

But we don’t matter because we’re beautiful. We don’t matter because we have what it takes. It’s not our self-esteem that needs attended to. It’s our spirits.

We need to be reminded that Jesus is the source of Living Water. The headwaters of everything we need are found in Him.

Instead of hearing that we matter, we need to hear how much the God of the Universe matters. We are small and insignificant compared to his vast glory. We need to hear that He treasures us anyway (Mal. 3:17).

Instead of hearing that we are beautiful, we need to be reminded that God’s Word is beautiful. It is a treasure trove full of riches beyond measure. If we study it and apply it, we can have “imperishable beauty” (1 Pet. 3:4). The fountain of youth is only found in God’s Word.

Instead of hearing that we have what it takes to make it in this world, we need to be reminded that we are poor (Ps. 86:1), needy (Ps. 109:22), and sinful (Eccl. 7:20). The message we need to hear over and over is the life-giving Gospel, that Christ died to set us free from sin and death; that because of His sacrifice we can have victory. We cannot do it without Him, but through Him and because of Him we can do all things (Phil. 4:13).

When we allow women to walk out of our conferences and churches feeling better about themselves but less dependent on Christ, we are doing them a disservice. Women don’t need fluff. We need the meaty Truth of the Gospel straight from the Word of God. We don’t need messages that turn our focus toward ourselves. We need messages that pry our eyes away from our needs, our wants, our desires . . . and toward Jesus and His calling that we serve others.

Simply put, the message that every woman needs is the Gospel. Without it, we are just spinning our wheels.

How about you? Will you join me in pointing women toward messages that matter?

Psst . . . If you’re tired of the fluff, I’d love for you to join me at True Woman ’14. This will be my fourth time to attend a True Woman conference. I can’t get enough, because it’s a woman’s event that points women to Jesus and His Word. I never walk away full of myself, but always leave full of Truth straight from God’s Word.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Who Am I? The Good, the Bad, and the Gospel.”

We don’t want to cut back on ministry outreaches in the year ahead, so we’re asking the Lord to provide at least $435,000 by the end of this month. Will you help?

Two of my three sons have bad kidneys. That means that since my first ultrasound for my very first baby, we have carried the burden of knowing there is something inside our children’s bodies we cannot fix.

On good days you will hear me talk about how I know this was filtered through the fingers of a loving God. I’ll talk about prayer and faith and peace. I mean those things. I really do. I’m not just blowing smoke or trying to talk myself into something.

But there are bad days.

If karma existed, the sovereignty of God could not.

A really bad day came along several months ago. Judah, my third born son and second child with damaged kidneys, was just four weeks old. We were scheduled for an invasive test with a specialist. That morning I woke up feeling like a boulder had been tied around my chest. The weight of my fear was so heavy.

In the midst of the dread, and worry, and anxiety, this thought slithered its way into my heart . . .

“It’s because I’m a bad mom.”

I had done something to cause this. I was certain of it. More specifically, I had done something to deserve it. This was my punishment for all of those times I lost my cool. God blocked my baby’s kidneys because He was mad at me.

In other words, on some level . . .

I (kind of) believe in karma.

Karma is a spiritual principle that our actions create a force that will

determine what happens to us. If we are good, good things happen. If we are bad, bad things happen. Buddhists believe that wholesome actions lead to happiness, and unwholesome actions lead to suffering. Hindus believe that how we act in this life will determine if we come back as a dung beetle or a rich ruler in the next.

But I’m a Christian. I believe that God is sovereign (Ps. 103:15–19); that every word of the Lord proves true (Prov. 30:5), and that He loves me, even when it doesn’t feel like it (Jer. 31:3). I believe my eternity is secured by the blood of Jesus, not my ability to tow the line (Heb. 10:19).

Thank goodness that karma is hogwash. Because nothing we do can scrub our hearts clean. Only Jesus can do that.

If karma existed, the sovereignty of God could not. How could God be in charge of all things, and I have the power to change my trajectory with every good and bad decision? If karma is real, the promises of God are not. Romans 8:31–39 promises that God is for me. That’s not the same as waiting to punish me every time I mess up.

And here’s the nail in karma’s coffin . . .

If karma is real, it makes the gospel null and void.

If karma exists, Christ would never have died for me. I certainly don’t deserve such ridiculous grace. My actions have not earned it. In fact, karma earned me a reservation in hell. I’ve done plenty of “unwholesome actions.” I deserve suffering. But Christ suffered in my place.

You know, our twisted sense of karma can work the other way, too? Karma tells us that we deserve God’s favor because we’ve been so good. We deserve for things to go smoothly in our lives because we read our Bibles, go to church, and cuss less than the people on TV. While some days I feel like I deserve to suffer because of the mistakes I make as a mom, there are other days when my heart screams, “Why did this have to happen to my children? Don’t you see all that I’ve done for you! I don’t deserve this.”

But God’s Word says no one is good (Ps. 53:3) and that compared to the blinding white holiness of God, my righteous deeds are nothing more than dirty rags (Isa. 64:6).

Thank goodness that karma is hogwash. Because nothing we do can scrub our hearts clean. Only Jesus can do that.

On bad days, I kind of believe in karma. But just because I believe it, doesn’t mean it’s true (Prov. 14:12).

What did I do on the day fear screamed that I earned my suffering?

I called a wise, older woman who was able to pray with me and preach God’s truth to my hurting heart.

“God loves you,” she said. “He will carry you through this.”

Her words provided enough clarity for me to know where to run next. I dropped my bucket down once again into the deep well of God’s Word. No karma there. Just life-saving, heart-healing, fear-lifting, path-straightening truth.

Truth like . . .

Jesus died for me. He died for my sons. He has faithfully carried us through every test and procedure. Not because we deserve it, or have earned it, but because He loves us. I don’t believe He’d turn His back on me in any operating room even on my worst parenting day.

Because karma isn’t real. God and the gospel are.

Do you (kind of) believe in karma? Here are three questions to help uproot that lie in your heart.

• When suffering comes, do I suspect God is punishing me?
• Do I feel like I deserve a comfortable life because I am a good Christian?
• Do I grasp that it is the gospel that saves me, not my good works?

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Asking Why.”

It was a very dark day for one momma.

Her only son was dead. She had already buried his daddy. Her heart was broken. Her family was gone. She was destitute.

Luke tells the story this way,

Soon afterward he went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a great crowd went with him. As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her.

And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother (Luke 7:13–15).

If you raced through that passage, (we’ve all become speed readers haven’t we?) would you mind going back and reading it again? Place yourself in the story. What jumps off the page at you?

Jesus defines compassion as love in action.

I recently found myself parked on this story for several days while preparing to teach “Beautiful Encounters,” a radio series launching on Revive Our Hearts today. As a mother of sons, I can’t fathom attending one of their funerals, especially as a widow. This momma’s desperation seemed to leak out of my Bible and into my heart as I read.

But so did this little gem . . .

“And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.”

Jesus gave him to his mother.

He didn’t have to. He could have commanded him to walk. After all, that’s what he did for Lazarus. Instead, he gives the boy back to his momma. Because in that huge crowd of people, she was the one who needed him most.

When the widow of Nain encountered Jesus she really had a collision with compassion. When we look at her story, we can see that Jesus defines compassion as love in action.

She’s not the only one, you know?

Psalm 56:8 says, “You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”

God sees our tears and is moved with compassion by our pain. I love the image that He collects them all in a bottle.

Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Maybe He is collecting all of our tears in a bottle so that one day we can watch Him dump that bottle out? In any case, he sees our pain, and He has a plan to set things right.

That’s why I’m thrilled to have the chance to tell the story of the widow of Nain. Because it’s really a story about a compassionate Savior.

Just like . . .

• Anna’s story is really an encounter with Divinity.
• The story of the adulterous woman is really a run-in with Grace.
• Mary and Martha’s story is really about true friendship.
• The Samaritan woman’s story is a chance to sip Living Water.
• The story of Jarius’ daughter is about power.
• And Mary Magdalene’s story changes everything.

These are the stories I’ll be telling all week on the broadcast. I hope you’ll make plans to listen in and have an encounter of your own with Jesus, the God who loves to put His love in action toward you!

I’d love for you to listen in. Leave me a comment below telling me how you’ll catch the series (local Christian radio, podcast, online). I’ll choose five of you to win a free copy of the Bible study version so that you can dig into these stories on your own.

Praying you have an encounter with Jesus of your own along the way!

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Immanuel Changes Everything.”

Come worship Christ and learn how to live in His fullness with thousands of your sisters at True Woman ’14 in Indianapolis on October 9–11. Only 23 days left for early registration.

Yesterday, I wrote about the character of God in His own words. I was blown away by what I found in the Bible when I decided to study every place that God says “I am . . .” You can check out that post here.

I can’t change my own heart and mold myself into Christ’s image.

Certainly, the qualities of God are vast and impressive, but they become even more so when we get serious about who we really are.

Who are you?

It’s a simple question that almost always has a complex answer. If I asked you, “Who are you?” I bet you’d start with the good stuff (we all do). You might tell me about your beautiful family or your great job or all the ways you volunteer in your church or community. We like to polish our identity up to a high shine, but that’s not the whole story is it?

David has a way of writing with a brand of brutal honesty that I am drawn to in the Psalms. He finishes the sentence I am . . . in a way that checks my spirit. Here’s what he wrote.

I am . . . fleeting (Ps. 39:4).

I am . . . poor and needy (Ps. 86:1; 109:22).

I am . . . languishing (Ps. 6:2).

I am . . . lonely and afflicted (Ps. 25:16).

I am . . . afraid (Ps. 56:3).

I am . . . afflicted and in pain (Ps. 69:29).

I am . . . helpless (Ps. 88:15).

Are you ready for a confession? I am all of those things, too. As important as my life seems to me, the Bible describes it like a vapor (James 4:14). That’s what David meant when he called himself “fleeting.” I often find myself needy, lonely, afraid, and in pain, just like David did. I am helpless in the face of most of the problems I face. I can’t change my own heart, mold myself into Christ’s image, or keep all that scares me at bay.

While the news about who we are at our core is bad, the news about who God is couldn’t get any better.

And that’s not the worst of it. In Psalm 51, David described a personal attribute that I like to gloss over.

I am a sinner.

Paul answered the “I am . . .” question by describing himself as the foremost of sinners (1 Tim. 1:15). Some days it feels like I’m giving him a run for his money.

When we line the reality of who we are with the beauty of who God is, our heart can choose from one of two options.

1. We can wilt under the weight of our failings, and settle in with the feeling that we will never measure up.
2. We can let the beauty of the gospel—that a God so big and powerful and good would extend grace and love toward us despite the fact that we are so desperately undeserving—make up for our slack. We can spend our days in gratitude instead of defeat because God is big, and we are small, and He loves us anyway.

From time to time it does us good to peel back the good stuff of who we are and smell the gunk underneath. But don’t dwell there. While the news about who we are at our core is bad, the news about who God is couldn’t get any better.

In light of what God’s done for you, how would you finish the sentence I am . . .? Leave us a comment below. I’ll choose one of you to win the Gospel Transformation ESV Study Bible.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read part one, “Who Are You, God?“

Come worship Christ and learn how to live in His fullness with thousands of your sisters at True Woman ’14 in Indianapolis on October 9–11. Only 24 days left for early registration.

Take off your sandals (or boots as may be the case this cold, rainy spring). Imagine yourself on the holy ground Moses once found himself standing on.

We learn the names of God best when we see for ourselves who He is, not when we simply hear about Him.

He had just heard the voice of God come from a burning bush. God called Moses to go to Egypt and demand that Pharaoh release God’s people from slavery. Moses wrestles with the idea of such a monumental task and finally asks, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” (Ex. 3:13).

Before Moses goes to the most powerful man in the world, he wants to know the name of the God who sends him. Seems reasonable to me.

God answers Moses’ question this way, “I AM WHO I AM” (Ex. 3:14).

Then, He repeats Himself, but doesn’t offer Moses much clarity.

“And he said, ‘Say this to the people of Israel, I AM has sent me to you'” (Ex. 3:14).

There isn’t an English teacher in the world that wouldn’t mark all over that sentence with her red pen.

Imagine the same sentence in a different context. You are introduced to a new visitor at church. You say, “Hi, my name is Erin. What’s your name?”

“I am . . . ” is their reply.

I am who? I am what? Simply leaving it at “I am” seems like bad grammar and bad manners.

But that’s what God said when Moses asked His name.

“I AM WHO I AM.”
“I AM has sent me.”

Don’t you imagine that Moses was perched on the very edge of his seat? Waiting for more information. He knew he would be pressed by Pharaoh and by the people he was called to free for more information. I am who? I am what? But “I AM” seemed to be all the information God was going to give at that moment.

Fortunately for all of us, it’s not all He ever said on the subject.

Timothy Keller recently tweeted, “God doesn’t tell Moses, ‘Tell them, I am what you want.’ He says tell them, ‘I AM what I AM.”

That quote stuck with me for days. So much so that I decided to do some digging into this “I AM” business. When God says, “I AM” what does He mean? Why does He leave his identity so mysterious?

I decided to look in my Bible for every place where God says “I AM.” Before I show you what I found, I want to warn you that it’s a long and impressive list. If you’re like me, you have a tendency to gloss over information when it comes to you in bulk, but let me encourage you to take your time. Read and re-read. Think about all the things God says about himself with the simple introduction, “I AM.”

I AM . . . your shield (Gen. 15:1-3).
I AM . . . God Almighty (Gen. 17:1, 35:11).

I AM . . . compassionate (Ex. 22:27).
I AM . . . holy (Lev. 11:44).
I AM . . . your portion and your inheritance (Num. 18:20).

I AM . . . your salvation (Ps. 35:3).
I AM . . . with you (Isa. 41:10, 43:5, Jer. 1:19,15:20, Hag. 1:13, 2:4, Matt. 28:20).
I AM . . . the Lord, besides me there is no salvation (Isa. 43:11).

I AM . . . the first and the last (Isa. 44:6, Rev. 1:17).

I AM . . . he who comforts (Isa. 5:12).

I AM . . . merciful (Jer. 3:12).
I AM . . . a father (Jer. 31:9).

I AM . . . their inheritance (Ezek. 44:28).

I AM . . . gentle and lowly of heart (Matt. 11:29).

I AM . . . the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob (Matt. 22:32).

I AM . . . the Christ (Mark 14:61-63).

I AM . . . the bread of life (John 6:48).
I AM . . . the light of the world (John 8:12).

I AM . . . not of this world (John 8:24).
I AM . . . the Good Shepherd (John 10:1).
I AM . . . the door (John 10:9).
I AM . . . the son of God (John 10:36).
I AM . . . the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).
I AM . . . teacher and lord (John 13:13).
I AM . . . the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:1).
I AM . . . the true vine (John 15:1).
I AM . . . the Alpha and Omega (Rev. 1:8).
I AM . . . alive forevermore (Rev. 1:18).
I AM . . . coming soon (Rev. 3:11).

I AM . . . the bright morning star (Rev. 22:16).

I AM . . . the LORD your God (this one is stated so many times throughout the Bible that I lost count).

I told you it was an impressive list. So why didn’t God just dictate it to Moses from that burning bush so that Moses could pass it along to Pharaoh? Why leave the dots unconnected?

Because we learn the names of God best when we see for ourselves who He is, not when we simply hear about Him.

The answer to Moses’ question, “What is his name?” would be given to Pharaoh soon enough. The purpose of the plagues God sent upon Egypt was to put the power and character of God on full display.

Sooner or later, we all mumble Moses’ question under our breath, “Who are you, God?” We follow it up with “How will you prove who you are in my life?” We’ve got the benefit of a hard copy of His answer in the Word. From Genesis to Revelation the Lord speaks often of who He is. But the proof is also in the pudding, isn’t it? If you will take a minute to reflect on your own life you will see that His descriptions of Himself are spot on. I know He’s been everything on that list in my own life (compassionate, salvation, merciful . . . )

Who has He been in yours?

P.S. Who God is becomes even more powerful when we look at who we really are. Be sure to come back tomorrow for a follow up post on that.

Learn more about Jesus, the I AM, as Nancy teaches through the series, “The Wonder of His Name.”

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Who Is Jesus to You?“

Come worship Christ and learn how to live in His fullness with thousands of your sisters at True Woman ’14 in Indianapolis on October 9–11. Only 24 days left for early registration.

Take off your sandals (or boots as may be the case this cold, rainy spring). Imagine yourself on the holy ground Moses once found himself standing on.

We learn the names of God best when we see for ourselves who He is, not when we simply hear about Him.

He had just heard the voice of God come from a burning bush. God called Moses to go to Egypt and demand that Pharaoh release God’s people from slavery. Moses wrestles with the idea of such a monumental task and finally asks, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” (Ex. 3:13).

Before Moses goes to the most powerful man in the world, he wants to know the name of the God who sends him. Seems reasonable to me.

God answers Moses’ question this way, “I AM WHO I AM” (Ex. 3:14).

Then, He repeats Himself, but doesn’t offer Moses much clarity.

“And he said, ‘Say this to the people of Israel, I AM has sent me to you'” (Ex. 3:14).

There isn’t an English teacher in the world that wouldn’t mark all over that sentence with her red pen.

Imagine the same sentence in a different context. You are introduced to a new visitor at church. You say, “Hi, my name is Erin. What’s your name?”

“I am . . . ” is their reply.

I am who? I am what? Simply leaving it at “I am” seems like bad grammar and bad manners.

But that’s what God said when Moses asked His name.

“I AM WHO I AM.”
“I AM has sent me.”

Don’t you imagine that Moses was perched on the very edge of his seat? Waiting for more information. He knew he would be pressed by Pharaoh and by the people he was called to free for more information. I am who? I am what? But “I AM” seemed to be all the information God was going to give at that moment.

Fortunately for all of us, it’s not all He ever said on the subject.

Timothy Keller recently tweeted, “God doesn’t tell Moses, ‘Tell them, I am what you want.’ He says tell them, ‘I AM what I AM.”

That quote stuck with me for days. So much so that I decided to do some digging into this “I AM” business. When God says, “I AM” what does He mean? Why does He leave his identity so mysterious?

I decided to look in my Bible for every place where God says “I AM.” Before I show you what I found, I want to warn you that it’s a long and impressive list. If you’re like me, you have a tendency to gloss over information when it comes to you in bulk, but let me encourage you to take your time. Read and re-read. Think about all the things God says about himself with the simple introduction, “I AM.”

I AM . . . your shield (Gen. 15:1-3).
I AM . . . God Almighty (Gen. 17:1, 35:11).

I AM . . . compassionate (Ex. 22:27).
I AM . . . holy (Lev. 11:44).
I AM . . . your portion and your inheritance (Num. 18:20).

I AM . . . your salvation (Ps. 35:3).
I AM . . . with you (Isa. 41:10, 43:5, Jer. 1:19,15:20, Hag. 1:13, 2:4, Matt. 28:20).
I AM . . . the Lord, besides me there is no salvation (Isa. 43:11).

I AM . . . the first and the last (Isa. 44:6, Rev. 1:17).

I AM . . . he who comforts (Isa. 5:12).

I AM . . . merciful (Jer. 3:12).
I AM . . . a father (Jer. 31:9).

I AM . . . their inheritance (Ezek. 44:28).

I AM . . . gentle and lowly of heart (Matt. 11:29).

I AM . . . the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob (Matt. 22:32).

I AM . . . the Christ (Mark 14:61-63).

I AM . . . the bread of life (John 6:48).
I AM . . . the light of the world (John 8:12).

I AM . . . not of this world (John 8:24).
I AM . . . the Good Shepherd (John 10:1).
I AM . . . the door (John 10:9).
I AM . . . the son of God (John 10:36).
I AM . . . the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).
I AM . . . teacher and lord (John 13:13).
I AM . . . the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:1).
I AM . . . the true vine (John 15:1).
I AM . . . the Alpha and Omega (Rev. 1:8).
I AM . . . alive forevermore (Rev. 1:18).
I AM . . . coming soon (Rev. 3:11).

I AM . . . the bright morning star (Rev. 22:16).

I AM . . . the LORD your God (this one is stated so many times throughout the Bible that I lost count).

I told you it was an impressive list. So why didn’t God just dictate it to Moses from that burning bush so that Moses could pass it along to Pharaoh? Why leave the dots unconnected?

Because we learn the names of God best when we see for ourselves who He is, not when we simply hear about Him.

The answer to Moses’ question, “What is his name?” would be given to Pharaoh soon enough. The purpose of the plagues God sent upon Egypt was to put the power and character of God on full display.

Sooner or later, we all mumble Moses’ question under our breath, “Who are you, God?” We follow it up with “How will you prove who you are in my life?” We’ve got the benefit of a hard copy of His answer in the Word. From Genesis to Revelation the Lord speaks often of who He is. But the proof is also in the pudding, isn’t it? If you will take a minute to reflect on your own life you will see that His descriptions of Himself are spot on. I know He’s been everything on that list in my own life (compassionate, salvation, merciful . . . )

Who has He been in yours?

P.S. Who God is becomes even more powerful when we look at who we really are. Be sure to come back tomorrow for a follow up post on that.

Learn more about Jesus, the I AM, as Nancy teaches through the series, “The Wonder of His Name.”

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Who Is Jesus to You?“

Last month, I stumbled upon a raw nerve. My post, “Why I’m Not the Room Mom” ignited a response I did not anticipate. Some of you responded that you were encouraged by the post to draw healthy boundaries with your time and family. Hooray! That was my intention.

Some of you were offended. You thought I came across as self-righteous and condemning toward moms who made choices different than my own.

It is easy to find ourselves so busy with good things that we end up robbed of the energy and bandwidth to teach our children about the “one” thing, which is Jesus.

If you fall into that second camp, let me take a moment here to fall on my sword. I admit that my lines (not being a room mom, sending store bought Valentines etc.) may not be your lines. There is no biblical mandate to structure your time and commitments the same way I do.

Any scent of self-righteousness you may have picked up on was unintentional. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t have this mom thing all figured out. But I know that we often judge ourselves on intentions while others judge us on actions. While I was hoping to use my choices, my inadequacies, my insecurities, and my struggles as an example to spur a bigger conversation about being moms with kingdom priorities, I can see that some of you thought I was talking about absolutes. For that, I’m sorry.

Also, I’m afraid I painted a caricature of myself that wasn’t entirely accurate. I actually love to cook and craft with my kids. I’m also grateful to those who volunteer as positive examples in their lives. I’d like to go on record as saying I am pro-crafts, pro-family time, pro-volunteering, and even pro-Pinterest. But those are some areas where I have needed to cut back in order to stay sane and focused as a mom.

With that being said, I’m glad this can of worms has been opened. As we keep the conversation going, here’s what’s on my heart.

Biblical families are counter-cultural.

God’s Word is a square peg in this round world. It will never fit with what the culture says is best for us or our families. There are so many options and activities available to us at any given point it’s easy to fill our family schedules to the point that they bulge at the seams. I have made many mistakes in this area. I have seen the corrosive effect that busyness has had on my own family and the families of other believers I know. Being too busy doing too many things, tends to eat away at the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives. With that in mind, let me reiterate the big idea of my first post.

As moms, we can do it all, but we can’t do it all well.

It is easy to find ourselves so busy with good things that we end up robbed of the energy and bandwidth to teach our children about the “one” thing, which is Jesus. I know we can use plenty of these good things to teach our kids about Jesus, but we must reject the lie of our culture that says, “To be a good mom, you have to do it all.”

This is hard for me! I need to constantly evaluate and recalibrate. I am deeply challenged by Jesus’ words to Martha, a Type A, do-it-all girl like myself . . .

“But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41–42).

Because living this way is counter-cultural . . .

Moms need each other.

If I’m being honest, going viral felt like a bad case of the flu. While some readers expressed concern in loving and constructive ways, many hit below the belt. Calling into question my own commitment to the Lord and devotion to my children.

I see this as just another skirmish in the “mommy wars.” Whether it’s fighting over breastfeeding or formula, organic or processed food, homeschooling or public schooling, we moms can be rough on each other. But when it comes to the mommy wars, I waved my white flag long ago. That’s because nobody wins at the comparison game, and this journey is so tough, I simply cannot do it alone.

If we are going to raise up the next generation to love Jesus, it will only be arm in arm, not head to head.

A story the Lord has used powerfully to challenge me as I mother is one found in the Book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah was a trusted official under the Persian King Artaxerxes. He was also an Israelite who asked the king to let him gather his people to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. The king agreed, so people gathered and the building began. When the enemies of Israel pushed back against the project, pay close attention to how the Israelites defended themselves:

“‘Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families, with their swords, spears and bows. After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, and your daughters, your wives and your homes.’

When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to his own work.” (Neh. 4:13–15).

Because the Israelites were fighting for their families, they were brave enough to stare down their enemies. And because they were fighting with their families, they were strong enough to win.

What if, instead they spent their time comparing, surveying each other’s section of wall and either criticizing that they wouldn’t do it that way or feeling inadequate? The mission would be compromised. The victory would be lost.

If we are going to fight for our families in a culture that is willing to battle for our children’s hearts and fight with our families for God’s truth, we’ve got to stick together.

I’ll go first.

Dear room mom, non-room mom, crafty gal, hot mess, Martha Stewart, burns her dinner every time, homeschool mom, public school mom, private school mom, mom of many, mom of few, got-it-all-together mom, can’t-find-her-car-keys mom, scrapbook mom, doesn’t-own-a-camera mom, hippie mom, organized mom, disheveled mom, funny mom, serious mom, and every mom in between,

If you are living your life for Christ, committed to pointing your children toward Him and His truth, and willing to swim upstream to find His best for your family . . .

I stand and applaud you.

Your biggest fan,

Erin Davis (a mom especially thankful for God’s grace).

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “Why I’m Not the Room Mom.”

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Our blood sugar has spiked from all of that chocolate and some of us never received what we were actually craving—someone else’s love.

I’d like to propose a radical change. Instead of labeling February 14th, Valentine’s Day next year, I think we should rebrand it “Craving Day.” The entire holiday is engineered to cause us to crave: chocolate, love, passion, romance, intimacy, and fancy, steak dinners eaten under candlelight.

We were made to crave love and that God is uniquely able to meet that need.

As a married women, if I’m not diligent, I can sift through a bowl of candy message hearts . . . “love you,” “kiss me,” “ask me,” “dear one” and find myself longing for a marriage that is as sugary sweet as the candy itself. For the single women in my world, the craving sometimes seems to be even more intense. The young women on True Woman’s sister blog, LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com, have told me that while they seek God’s will for their romantic lives and wait for His timing, they sometimes struggle to find purpose in the single years. If you find yourself floating in that boat, Craving Day may have you feeling like an afterthought.

With that in mind, I wanted to pass along these commitments from a great resource from Nancy titled, Singled Out For Him: Embracing the Blessings, and the Challenges of Singleness. They are worthy resolutions for women in all stations of life to consider as we seek to crave God’s best for us.

1. I am committed to receiving my marital status as a gift from God.

Contentment is a choice. True joy is not the result of having everything I want but of gratefully receiving exactly what God has given me.

“Each one has his own gift from God, one in this matter and another in that” (1 Cor. 7:7).

The Scripture teaches that both marriage and singleness, like children, are gifts from God. To some, He gives the gift of marriage; to others, He gives the gift of singleness. Either way, we are to receive our marital status as a gift. This gift does not come from some distant relative who has no idea what we really need; it comes from a gracious God who loves us and gives the very best gifts to any of His children who leave the choice with Him.

2. 
   I am committed to serving Christ with all my time, abilities, and energy.

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. . . . And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction” (1 Cor. 7:32–35).

If you are single, this is not a time in limbo, waiting for the right partner to come along so we can get on with our lives. Those years of singleness provide an incredible and unique opportunity to be devoted to Christ and His kingdom in a way that married men and women simply do not have the freedom to pursue.

3. 
   I am committed to relinquishing all my expectations of material, physical, and emotional security.

“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna . . . to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deut. 8:3).

All of us long for security and a certain level of creature comforts. Sometimes God is pleased to provide far more than we actually need. But sometimes He allows us to “do without”—to experience unfulfilled longings—so that we might come to recognize our need for Him. The sin is not in having the longings but in demanding that our longings be met here and now. Not until we are united with the Lord Jesus in heaven will all our longings be fulfilled and all the empty spaces of our hearts be filled.

4. 
   I am committed to developing personal discipline.

   “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Heb. 12:11).

   Not only is physical discipline important, but spiritual discipline is vital. Godliness, spiritual maturity, and intimacy with God do not just “happen.” They are the fruit of conscious, disciplined choices and habits. Paul told Timothy to “exercise yourself toward godliness” (1 Tim. 4:7). Spiritual disciplines such as worship, praise, Bible study, prayer, Scripture memorization, and fasting can help develop a vital, rich relationship with God, resulting in godly character and a fruitful life.

5. 
   I am committed to being morally pure.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8).

Lack of moral discipline is one of the greatest disqualifiers of those who run the Christian race. On the other hand, a commitment to moral purity is essential to experiencing the fullness of blessing that God intends for us. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). The apostle Paul makes it clear that the will of God for every believer is that we be morally pure, that we abstain from every form of immorality (1 Thess. 4:3).

Married or single, if we let it, Craving Day can serve as an annual reminder that we were made to crave love and that God is uniquely able to meet that need. God is love, in fact. He is loving to the core. You are loved by Christ and empowered by Him to live out these commitments.

Has Valentine’s Day caused you to crave more in the area of romance? How has God used these commitments to recalibrate your heart?
Leave me a comment below with your thoughts. I’ll choose three of you to win a free copy of Nancy’s resource, Singled Out For Him: Embracing the Blessings, and the Challenges of Singleness.

P.S. For five more commitments from this resource, hop on over to LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com and check out my follow-up post.

If you enjoyed this post, you may wish to read “Unfulfilled Longings.”

I send store-bought valentines to my son’s school.

There. I said it.

I don’t stencil names onto fancy pieces of cardboard. I don’t hot glue the perfect candy heart message onto cardstock. I don’t bake heart-shaped cookies from scratch. I don’t help my boy cut and glitter his own valentines out of red and pink construction paper. We buy a box of valentines and stick them in the envelopes. Last year, we left the envelopes blank because we ran out of time to print the other kids’ names on them.

The primary goal of our marriages, our homes, and our families should not be to impress the watching world. It is to honor God.

It’s not that I’m a slacker mom, exactly. It’s just that the Lord reminds me often about what does and does not really matter as I mother. Essentially, anything I can find on Pinterest falls into the “doesn’t matter much” category. Anything that requires the work of my heart and the selfless service of my hands tends to hang out in the “matters a great deal” side of the ledger.

It’s the precise reason I’m not the room mom for my son’s school. It’s why I don’t volunteer to be an assistant basketball, cheerleading, soccer . . . coach. It’s why birthday parties around here consist of a favorite meal and a boxed cake.

Don’t get me wrong. I actually love to craft and bake and volunteer. It would tickle my heart pink to throw fantastic themed parties, earn a few bragging rights with other parents by sending something creative with my child to school, or to catch some more quality time with my boys by coaching something they’re interested in, but I’ve had to come face to face with a foundational truth about motherhood:

I can do it all, but I can’t do it all well.

I often have to rehearse these words in the mirror . . .

“No.”

“No, thank you.”

“No. I’m sorry. My schedule is full.”

Can I be honest? Sometimes I’m embarrassed by these lines I’ve drawn in the sand. For example, last week, my son Eli was supposed to bring something that started with the letter “P” to preschool. I threw a piggy bank in his backpack as we rushed out the door. Another mom came to school bringing pizza for everyone. When I found out I had a moment of panic, wishing I was able to drop everything to deliver pizza to a class of hungry and excited preschoolers.

But then I am reminded . . .

Motherhood is not a spectator sport.

Neither is any other side of womanhood. The primary goal of our marriages, our homes, and our families should not be to impress the watching world. The goal should be to honor God.

In a world of Facebook likes and Twitter retweets, it is so hard to remember the wisdom found in Colossians 3:17.

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

God is more honored by children growing in righteousness than 1,000 homemade valentines. God is more honored by a marriage focused on His glory than any touched-up family photos we put on Facebook. God is more honored by a woman who makes wise choices with her time than by a momma stretched so thin she has no time to seek Him.

So bring on the store-bought valentines and the boxed cakes. Join me in asking the Lord to shift your focus away from the expectations of others and toward a family obsessed with His glory.

Jesus, help us to be women who live our lives for you. Deliver us from the temptation to measure our worth by what others think. Teach us to build families that point others toward your gospel.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read “When God Rewrites Your Job Description.”

I’ve got a secret that can keep rivers of tears from being shed in 2014. It can stop angry outbursts in their tracks. It can put an end to stewing, sniveling, and navel-gazing. It is a secret that can insulate you from so much in the year ahead.

Are you ready for it?

It’s not about you.

The purpose of my life (and yours!) is not personal comfort or happiness.

I know you were probably hoping for something that sounded more like a Hallmark card. I feel the same way. I love ideas that give me warm fuzzies, but most of the time the stuff that makes me feel good simply strokes my ever-craving ego. I may crave applause, but the Truth is, a life lived like I’m the center of the universe ultimately misses God’s mark. I’ve been a Christian long enough to learn that my focus should not be on myself, but I need daily, hourly, minute-by-minute reminders that I am not the axis upon which all things rotate. The world wasn’t designed to revolve around me.

The purpose of my life (and yours!) is not personal comfort or happiness. Our actions should not be motivated by the applause of others. We were not created to steal the limelight for ourselves.

God’s Word provides bedrock truth we can come back to over and over when seeking to define our purpose.

As one of billions of people on one planet in one solar system in one of many galaxies, we naturally search for significance. Self-help books tell us to find the answer within ourselves, but those books miss something huge. The current culture tells us we matter if we get “likes,” “followers,” and “re-tweets,” but ultimately that’s a leaky well, too.

God’s Word provides bedrock truth we can come back to over and over when seeking to define our purpose.

Isaiah 43:7 describes the people of God and says, “Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Read that passage backward. You were made and formed by God. Why? For His glory.

This point was powerfully hit home for me several years ago as I studied Revelation 4:2-11. (It’s a long passage, but don’t race through it! It’s worth the time investment).

“At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal . . .

And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

‘Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.’”

Only God is worthy to receive glory, and honor, and power. He created all things, after all. By His will all things exist.

As I peek into the throne room in this passage these questions bubble up in my heart:
Erin, where are you discussed in this passage?

• Where is your throne?
• Where is your crown?
• Who is worshiping you?

I’m not even in the throne room! I’m not the center of attention. Yes, I am an adopted daughter of the king, but God is the one who is really on the throne.

When I forget this truth, anything that threatens my personal happiness will cause me to bristle. Why? Because so often “self” becomes my idol. I want to be served and over and over again I claw my way onto the throne only God is fit to sit on. Because of this, my cravings for attention, if left unchecked, simply leave me feeling undervalued, unappreciated, and taken for granted. That’s when the tears flow. Or the angry outbursts start. Or the jealousy takes root. Or I start comparing myself to others endlessly. I take everything personally. I fret. I snap. I whine.

The secret to feeling better about myself is to get over myself.

God has a way of turning things upside down. The secret to feeling better about myself is to get over myself. It’s a quality the Bible defines as humility.

I’ve often heard it said that humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but rather thinking of ourselves less. That sounds like a worthy New Year’s resolution to me! But let’s face it, true humility is impossible in our own strength. We need Jesus, who modeled consistent, radical humility and then called us to it to equip us to turn our thoughts toward Him and others. Ultimately, the fact that life is not all about me is very good news. It frees me to fix my eyes on the One through whom all things were made.

Jesus, turn our eyes and hearts toward you this year. Teach us true humility. Help us to live in a way that points others toward you. Amen.

Yesterday, I challenged you to resolve to put God’s Truth into action in 2014. I gave you five action steps based on the Truths Nancy writes about in Lies Women Believe.

Here are five more ways you can live out God’s Truth in 2014.

1. I will wave the white flag (Isa. 46:10).

At True Woman conferences, the goodie bag handed out to all attendees always includes a white hankie. That handkerchief is intended to symbolize surrender to God’s will and plans for our lives. One of the highlights for me at each conference is watching those hankies wave all over the auditorium. Without speaking, each woman who waves one is screaming, “I know God’s will for me is good! I choose to surrender to it.”

Nothing can touch our lives that has not first been “filtered through His fingers of love.”

At the dawn of a new year, it may be easy for some of us to express that very sentiment. But challenges will come, and that is when the rubber will really meet the road about our feelings toward God’s will.

We may find ourselves wondering, Is this a mistake, God? Surely this is not what you have planned for my life.

When those moments come in the year ahead, we have the choice to wave a white flag (figuratively or literally), knowing that our lives are in God’s hand, and nothing can touch our lives that has not first been “filtered through His fingers of love.”

“He makes no mistakes with His children’s lives. Someone has said, ‘God’s will is exactly what we would choose, if we knew what God knows.’ When we stand in eternity looking back on this earthly existence, we will know by sight what we can only see now by faith: He has done all things well” (Lies Women Believe).

2. I will talk about grace often this year (2 Cor. 12:9).

The Bible says that God’s grace is sufficient for us.

When you come to a bend in the road in 2014, God’s grace will already be there waiting. He has ample grace for all that you are facing. He has copious amounts of grace for whatever is ahead. When you’re out of options, He has grace galore.

“Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. When I am weak, He is strong. When I am empty, He is full. When I have no resources of my own left, His resources have not begun to be depleted. . . . We need to speak the Truth to ourselves; we need to speak it to each other. In every season, in every circumstance, His grace is sufficient. It is sufficient for me; it is sufficient for you” (Lies Women Believe).

All of us need to be reminded that God’s grace is enough to carry us through. Why not name this the year of grace! Take every opportunity to talk about God’s grace to yourself and to others.

3. I will reject sin because of the cross (1 John 1:7, Rom. 6:6–7).

Are there sins in your life that have become habitual? Are there areas where you are operating under the false belief that you will never have victory over your sin? Do you secretly doubt that Christ’s blood is enough to cover a secret or addictive sin?

There is no sin you have committed and no sin you will commit that cannot be forgiven and covered by Jesus’ sacrifice.

Jesus offers forgiveness of sins willingly. The realization of this should motivate us to be intolerant toward sin in our own lives.

“This [Christ’s sacrifice] should not cause us to take sin more lightly; to the contrary, the realization that our sin required the lifeblood of the Lord Jesus should leave us broken and humble in spirit, and determined to choose the pathway of obedience, by the power of His indwelling Holy Spirit” (Lies Women Believe).

Make this your mantra: “The Truth is, I don’t have to sin (Rom. 6:14).

4. I will see my past as redeemable (1 Cor. 6:9–11).

There is nothing in your past that God cannot use.

There is nothing you’ve experienced that makes you damaged goods.

Your past does not have to plague you.

“The Truth is that our past—our upbringing, the ways we have been wronged, and the ways we have wronged others—these things do not have to be hindrances. In fact, by God’s grace, they can actually become stepping-stones to greater victory and fruitfulness” (Lies Women Believe).

What burdens have you brought into this New Year? You are free to drop them at God’s feet, trusting that He will work them for your good (Rom. 8:28).

5. I will run to God’s Word as a first resort and point others toward it instead of offering my advice (Ps. 19:7, 107:20, 119:105).

“The Truth is, the Word of God is alive and powerful; it is medicine for troubled hearts and peace for plagued minds. It is a lamp for our feet and a light for our path. Whatever our need, whatever our circumstances, the Word of God is sufficient to meet that need. And it is sufficient to meet the needs of those we love.

People around us who are hurting and needy don’t need to hear our opinions and suggestions. They need to know what God says. They need to know His commands, His promises, and His ways. If we really want to help people, we must point them to the Truth and prayerfully and lovingly show them how to apply the Truth in their situation” (Lies Women Believe).

Which of these action steps do you most need to take in the new year? Select one of the “I will” statements from above and tweet it to be entered to win a copy of Lies Women Believe. We’ll choose three winners. And don’t forget to leave me a comment below, because I’d love to hear from you.

Ready? Set. Choose Truth!

Enter our rafflecopter giveaway to win a free copy of Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

(This giveaway is continued from yesterday.)

P.S. Check out the Lies Young Women Believe Blog for more Truths to set you free!

What is it about a new year that makes us all want to call for a massive “do over”? We collectively vow to shed a few pounds, save a few pennies, and ditch the nasty habits that plagued us the year before.

Resolve to put God’s Truth into action.

But year after year most of us fail to hit the marks we set for ourselves. According to one university study, only 8% of people are actually successful at achieving their resolution.

Despite our best intentions, why do we so often fail at reshaping who we are?

Maybe it’s because we’re so focused on self-improvement that we miss the transformation that only comes from God’s Word.

In John 8:31–33 Jesus wrote about it this way, “So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'”

The root of most of our resolutions is the desire for freedom. We want freedom from the things that stress us out, freak us out, or make us feel less than. Jesus says that the key that unlocks the door to freedom is the Truth, not another fifteen minutes on the treadmill or another trip to the container store.

So this year let me encourage you to resolve to put God’s Truth into action. I’ll even get you started. In Lies Women Believe Nancy wrote about twenty-two life-changing Truths rooted in God’s Word. I’ll turn those Truths into action steps over the next few days. Before we dig in, let me pass along some advice Nancy gave in the book,

“Rather than skimming through [these posts], let me encourage you to take time to savor these liberating, life-changing Truths. Say each Truth aloud—again and again and again—until your thinking becomes aligned with God’s way of thinking. You may even want to memorize the list, along with the key Scriptures that correspond to each Truth.”

Now that’s a plan we can stick to! Ready? Let’s choose Truth together.

1. I will believe that God is good (Ps. 119:68, 136:1).

The Bible promises that God is good. Whether or not it feels like it in the moment, God is good. He has good things in store for those who love Him.

“The Truth is, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what we feel, regardless of what we think, God is good, and everything He does is good” (Lies Women Believe).

How would it change things for you if you resolved to hold on to the Truth that God is good in 2014?

2. I will be confident because of God’s love (Rom. 8:32, 38-39).

Most of our typical New Year’s resolutions can be traced back to insecurity. We want to be set free from the things that make us feel less than. We-want to be thinner, more organized, or have more money in the bank in order to feed our ever-craving egos. But we do not have to seek love and acceptance from others. God declares His deep, enduring, and everlasting love for each of us in His Word.

The reality of God’s love can free us from the need to look for love and acceptance elsewhere.

“Because God is good and loves us perfectly, we can be confident that He longs for us to experience all the joy in life He designed us to know. He knows we will only find this true and lasting joy and fulfillment in Him. He loves us so much, He insists that we come to Him, where alone we can be fully satisfied” (Lies Women Believe).

3. I will stop trying to earn God’s acceptance (Eph. 1:4–6).

God does not accept you because you have quiet times every morning, volunteer often in your church, or avoid certain types of sins. This year, you can worship and serve God out of an overflow of gratitude for His acceptance in Christ instead of as an attempt to earn His favor.

“We don’t have to jump through all kinds of spiritual ‘hoops.’ In fact, there is not one thing we can do to make ourselves acceptable to a holy God. Yet we—fallen, condemned, unworthy sinners—can stand before God clean and unashamed, accepted in His sight. How? Because Jesus—the pure, sinless Son of God—is acceptable to Him, and we stand in Him” (Lies Women Believe).

Make a list of the things you do as a part of your Christian walk. Ask the Lord to reveal if there is anything on that list you are doing as an attempt to earn His favor and acceptance. Then ask Him to help you recalibrate with the knowledge that you are already accepted.

4. I will stop looking to _________________ to satisfy my needs (Ps. 23:1).
   • Money
   • Relationships
   • Marriage
   • Children
   • iStuff
   • Work
   • Friendships
   • Volunteering

These are just a few of the things that I tend to look to to meet my deepest needs to feel safe, valued, and worthy. But only God can truly meet those needs. When I look to anything else to satisfy, I find my longings unfulfilled.

“The Truth is, if we have Him, we have everything we need for our present peace and happiness” (Lies Women Believe).

What did you look to for satisfaction in 2013? Resolve to shift your eyes to Christ to meet those needs in the year ahead.

5. I will learn and believe God’s promises (Isa. 28:16).

God can be trusted.

That’s a statement that most of us know we should agree with, but the way we live our lives indicates that we’re not sure He will keep His promises to us.

Make it a point to study all that God promises you in His Word. Find ways to memorize His promises (notecards, write them on your bathroom mirror, download a Scripture memorization app so that you can move from head knowledge about His Word to believing what He says with all of your heart.

“God keeps His promises. He has promised never to leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He has promised that those who trust in Him will ultimately be satisfied. From time to time, I have to remind myself: ‘God has never once let me down—and He’s not going to start now!'” (Lies Women Believe).

We’ll focus on five more action steps rooted in God’s Truth tomorrow. Until then, I’d love to hear from you. Which of the action steps from the list above do you most need to put into practice? Where do you need freedom in the year ahead?

Select one of the “I will” statements from above and tweet it to be entered to win a copy of Lies Women Believe. We’ll choose three winners. And don’t forget to comment below, because I’d love to hear from you.

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When I was only twelve weeks along with my first-born son, the doctor called us with some devastating news. The baby’s tiny bladder was blocked, meaning he couldn’t process amniotic fluid and wasn’t expected to survive the pregnancy. My husband and I immediately decided that I would carry the baby to term despite the diagnosis. That decision launched us into a season of prayer unlike anything we had ever experienced before.

I quickly realized that I didn’t have the words to ask God to respond the way I wanted Him too. All I could pray was, “Don’t let him die!” but that didn’t really capture the mighty work I was asking God to do.

So I started praying Scriptures for my son.

During that season of intense prayer, when I didn’t know what words to say, I learned the power of praying the Scriptures for my children.

I often prayed “Lord, every good and perfect gift is from you (James 1:17). Please let this gift be born perfect, and without defects.”  Many, many days I prayed Psalm 139 which promises that God was forming my son in the depths of my womb and had His hand on even my baby’s inmost parts. I asked God to make the “inmost parts” of my baby’s bladder and kidneys whole and healthy. I quoted James 5:15 often to God. That verse says, “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.” I also prayed Romans 8:28 and asked God to work the entire situation for my good.

During that season of intense prayer, when I didn’t know what words to say, I learned the power of praying the Scriptures for my children.

When my baby was born, Nancy mailed me a book titled Praying the Scriptures for Your Children. It has been an invaluable resource in teaching me how to pray for my kids. It outlines specific passages of Scripture to pray for your child in areas like your child’s salvation, spiritual protection, your child’s marriage and purpose in life.

In the forward for that book, Fern Nichols writes:

“I believe the greatest influence a mom can have in the life of her child is through prayer. As she stands in the gap for her beloved child, the Sovereign Lord of heaven and earth hears and answers her prayers . . . One of the most powerful [prayer] principles is Scripture praying. When we pray the promises of God for our children, our faith increases because we are praying back the very words of God.”

I now pray God’s Word for my kids as often as possible.

When they are struggling in an area of behavior I don’t just say, “God, make them behave!” instead I pray “Lord, I know that lacking self-control makes my kids vulnerable to the Enemy (Pro. 25:28). Self-control comes from your Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:23); please teach them self-control through your Spirit.”

Instead of just asking God to change my kids, I find Scriptures that apply to my children’s needs and then turn my heart toward those specific truths.

Instead of saying, “keep them pure,” I pray, “Lord, hide your word in their hearts so that they don’t want to sin against you” (Ps. 119:11).

Do you see how that works? Instead of just asking God to change my kids, I find Scriptures that apply to my children’s needs and then turn my heart toward those specific truths.

Does it work? You betcha. In fact, allow me introduce you to some proof. Meet Elisha. My strong, happy three-year-old with a healthy bladder. He’s a good and perfect gift alright, formed by the hand of an exceedingly loving God.

We’re celebrating God’s faithfulness here on the True Woman blog with some of our favorite posts from 2013. We trust these posts will help you start your year off with a God-centered focus.

I pen these words a few days after a bomber took out an eight-year-old as he waited for his dad to cross the finish line of the Boston marathon. There’s not a single day I drop my son off at preschool that I don’t think about Sandy Hook and have to fight the urge to do a U-turn in the school parking lot, bring him home, and lock all the doors. Then there are super viruses, bacterial infections, and childhood cancers. It’s enough to make me want to say this desperate prayer all day, every day, “Jesus, keep my kids safe. Jesus, keep my kids safe. JESUS, PLEASE KEEP MY KIDS SAFE!”

Is it possible that God wants to call our children to something dangerous?

But our kids aren’t growing up in a safe world. In fact, no child ever has.

It’s natural to want our children to be protected from harm, but lately I’ve been thinking that when we spend all our energy praying for our children to be safe, we are missing something big. We are asking God to be our children’s safety net. Is it possible that instead He wants to call them to something dangerous?

This is how Jesus taught us to pray:

“And [Jesus] said to them,
‘When you pray, say: ‘Father, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.’” (Luke 11:2–4)

Jesus doesn’t teach us to avoid asking for needs to be met. “Daily bread” represents the essentials of life. Health and safety certainly qualify. But asking for those things wasn’t the essence of His prayer. His focus was on the Father’s will.

The Christian life is not a safe life. It is

a call to live counter-culturally and to willingly engage in battles that are big and costly.

The words “your kingdom come” slay me when I think about praying for my children. I spend so much of my time praying for my kingdom. I am supposed to be praying for His.

With God’s kingdom in mind, is safe the most important thing for my kids to be? When I look hard at the life God calls us to as Christians, the answer is clearly no. The Christian life is not a safe life. It is a call to live counter-culturally and to willingly engage in battles that are big and costly.

Ephesians 6:12 offers this perspective:

“We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

We want our children to follow Christ, but that likely won’t lead to an easy, safe life. It means they will need to pick up their cross. It means they will need to lay down their lives. It means they will become warriors in battles against the “spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” It means they won’t always be “safe.”  

I have a friend who has often prayed this prayer for me:

“Jesus, make Erin and her family dangerous to the Enemy.”

Dangerous? It’s the opposite of safe. But the truth is no matter how much we wish it wasn’t so, there is no guarantee of safety in this world. And while it may temporarily soothe our anxiety to beg the Lord to hide our kids from all threats of harm, there is a better prayer we can be praying:

“Lord, make my child dangerous to the Enemy.”

It’s a prayer that may not wrap us up in comfort like begging the Lord to keep our kids safe has a tendency to do. It is a bigger prayer with bigger implications than a safety net can ever offer. But decades from now, after I am long gone and my kids come to the end of their own lives, if I’m honest, I hope they won’t have played it safe. I hope they will have given everything they have to further God’s kingdom. I hope others will see they were a serious threat to those spiritual forces of evil. As their momma, prayer is a huge part of my job, so I’m resolved to pray for more than safety. Yes, I want them to be protected, but even more than that, I want them to be dangerous.

Will you join me in praying for God to make our kids a generation that is especially dangerous to the Enemy?

The book of 1 Samuel records a great battle between the people of God, the Israelites, and one of their fiercest enemies, the Philistines. Israel lost 4,000 men on the battlefield in a single day. In the face of such crushing defeat, the elders of Israel called for the Ark of the Covenant to be brought into the camp to rally the troops and boost morale.

First Samuel 4:5–7 reports, “As soon as the ark of the covenant of the LORD came into the camp, all Israel gave a mighty shout, so that the earth resounded. And when the Philistines heard the noise of the shouting they said, ‘What does this great shouting in the camp of the Hebrews mean?’ And when they learned that the ark of the LORD had come to the camp, the Philistines were afraid, for they said, ‘A god has come into the camp.’ And they said, ‘Woe to us! For nothing like this has happened before.'”

God is alive and well and involved in the lives of His people.

The Ark of the Covenant was a visible sign of the holy presence of God. God didn’t live in that box, of course, but it was a reminder God was alive and well and involved in the lives of His people.

Because of this, when the Ark came into the camp, the Bible tells us the people of God celebrated so loudly the earth shook.

Talk about a celebration!

But what caused much rejoicing among the people of God caused much fear among their enemies.

The Philistines said three things we need to pay attention to:

1. A god has come into the camp.
2. Woe to us!
3. Nothing like this has happened before.

Hold that thought. We’ll come back to it.

Fast-forward to the Christmas story recorded in the first few chapters of Matthew and Luke.

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us) (Matt. 1:23).

Of course, this passage is talking about the birth of Jesus, but don’t miss one of the other names for Jesus—Immanuel. The prophets had foretold that people would refer to Him in this way all the way back in Isaiah 7:14:

“Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.”

God wanted His people to know and to wait with expectation for the day He would dwell among them. Pause for a moment. Let your mind be blown.

• God among us.
• The God who created all things, among us.
• The God who knows all things, among us.
• The God who reigns. The God who rules. The God whose power knows no limits, among us.

Immanuel is a very big deal.

God left heaven and came to earth to be with us. To rescue us. But when He ascended into heaven, He did not leave us alone.

As we celebrate Christmas this year, we need to take a minute to hone in on Immanuel. God left heaven and came to earth to be with us. To rescue us. But when He ascended into heaven, He did not leave us alone.

In Matthew 28:20, Jesus said, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

No matter what, He remains “God with us.”

And if we’re telling the whole story, we see this radical reality still has the same effect on God’s enemies.

Remember what the Philistines said?

1. A god has come into the camp.
2. Woe to us!
3. Nothing like this has happened before.

You better believe God’s enemy, Satan, is still singing that tune this Christmas.

1. God is with them!
2. Woe to me! Translation: I’m ruined.
3. Nothing like this has ever happened before.

He came to be with us to save us from sin and death. He came to be with us because we so desperately need to be rescued.

You see, Christmas is about so much more than the Babe in the manger. He didn’t come to be with us so that we could look over the edge of His crib and ooh and ah. He came to be with us, to die for our sins . . . to rise from the grave . . . to deal a fatal blow to our shared enemy. He came to be with us to save us from sin and death. He came to be with us because we so desperately need to be rescued.

So celebrate that this Christmas. Celebrate so loudly that others notice. Take a cue from the people of Israel, and dance until the earth shakes. Because Immanuel changes everything.

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us) (Matt. 1:23).

To examine other characters from the Christmas story, visits these posts by Erin Davis on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.

Sinking Your Teeth into the Promises of God

The Original Grinch

What Should We Do for Jesus?

A Closer Look at Mary’s Dream Guy

The Bravest Sentence in the Bible

‘Tis the season to be hospitable.

One thing I love about the Christmas season is we tend to look over the fences that so often separate us from those near by and say, “Come on in.” We host Christmas parties and dinners. We blow up the airbeds and set out the guest towels and invite family members from out of town to stay awhile. We bake. We clean. We decorate. We host.

All this is a very good thing! We tend to think of hospitality as a character trait reserved for those with natural Martha Stewart-like capabilities. But did you know the Bible urges all of us to demonstrate hospitality?

It’s true!

Romans 12:13 says, “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

1 Peter 4:9 says, “Show hospitality to one another . . .” (But there’s a catch. We’ll get to that in a minute.)

When I make my home an inhospitable environment for the people I love most in order to make it welcoming for others, I’m missing God’s heart for hospitality.

What is hospitality exactly? I like to think of it as providing a soft place to land in a world that is often hard to take. There are lots of verses throughout the entire Bible that encourage us to practice hospitality; especially toward those who belong to what Galatians 6:10 calls “the household of faith” (i.e. other Christians).

But let’s get real. Those cookies don’t bake themselves. Guests make messes. They upset routines. They give us the overwhelming urge to dust the baseboards. Christmas parties and dinners take a lot of time, money, and effort on our parts. The Food Network makes it all look so easy, but often it isn’t.

I don’t know about you, but as I seek to be hospitable toward others, I tend to be inhospitable toward the members of my own family. I bark out orders to my husband and children. I sigh heavily under the false sense that no one but me is doing any of the work. I grumble about the money spent, the time invested, the floors that need swept (again!).

Remember 1 Peter 4:9? I told you there was a catch. The entire verse reads,

“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

When I make my home an inhospitable environment (as in hostile, cold, and unwelcoming) for the people I love most in order to make it welcoming for others, I’m missing God’s heart for hospitality.

Yes! Invite people over to your home. Yes! Seek to provide warm meals and warm fuzzies. Yes! Create a soft spot for others to land. But do it without grumbling. Because a peaceful home flows out of a peaceful heart.

Colossians 3:23–24 is a great mantra for each of us to adopt this holiday season:

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

The goal of hospitality is not to win a prize for cleanest house, best meal, or coziest bed. The goal is to demonstrate Christ’s love in practical and tangible ways. Since He is the One we are ultimately serving, in order to demonstrate true hospitality, His priorities (people), must become our priorities.

Don’t work to earn gold stars and oohs and aahs this year. Work to put Christ on display.

So . . . seek to bless others during this busy season. Look for ways to show hospitality. But start with those closest to you. How can you demonstrate hospitality to your husband? Your children? Your co-workers?

And remember to give with a happy heart. A store-bought pie served with a smile is of much greater value than a homemade one made through gritted teeth. Don’t work to earn gold stars and oohs and aahs this year. Work to put Christ on display. What could be better than that?

I’d love to hear all about your holiday plans. Tell me how you’ll be showing hospitality toward others this year, and we’ll choose five of you on Thursday, December 12, to win Nancy’s message, “The Heart Of Hospitality” on CD.

These days my thoughts have drifted to the Pilgrims.

We tend to romanticize that first Thanksgiving. We imagine happy Pilgrims sitting over steaming plates of food and kindly asking their Indian guests to “please pass the potatoes.” It’s all so quaint—but our retellings of history have a way of puffing up the happy stuff and glossing over grim realities.

The first Thanksgiving wasn’t necessarily about celebrating abundance. It was more about celebrating God’s presence in the midst of great trial.

The first Thanksgiving feast occurred in 1621. True, there were Indians there. History records that ninety members of the Wampanoag tribe were present.

Of the 100 pilgrims who boarded the Mayflower in search of a new life, only fifty-three remained alive to eat the first Thanksgiving feast.

Which brings me to my point. (You just thought I was a history nerd, didn’t you?) The first Thanksgiving wasn’t necessarily about celebrating abundance. It was more about celebrating God’s presence in the midst of great trial.

The Pilgrims landed in New England after a treacherous journey. They spent their first winter on the boat because conditions didn’t allow them to build the new life they dreamed of on shore. Half the pilgrims died from exposure, malnutrition, and illness.

The real story doesn’t paint a pretty picture. It doesn’t hold up well to our Norman Rockwell and Martha Stewart visions of brined turkey and fall centerpieces. Sure there was food and fellowship, but that wasn’t the spirit of why they gathered.

They gathered because they chose to be thankful when bitterness, discouragement, doubt, and despair seemed like more logical options.

The Bible calls Thanksgiving a sacrifice (Ps. 107:22, 116:17; Jonah 2:9).

Giving thanks may not feel much like a sacrifice when the turkey is fat and the children’s cheeks are ruddy. Yet even in our current state of abundance, many of us find it difficult to take the time to thank God for all He’s done.

When life is hard and the days are dark and cold, thanking God is the response I can choose.

But when our plans go terribly wrong, our finances fail, our expectations are thwarted, or the smell of death is close by . . . then Thanksgiving becomes truly a sacrifice.

The truth is: life can be really, really hard. And yet,

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thess. 5:18).

How can this be?

Sorry for skipping around on the holiday calendar a bit, but when we are struggling with giving thanks, we need to remember what happened on Easter. Jesus died on the cross to save each of us from our sins. He paid a penalty we could never pay, freeing us from the bondage of sin and death. That alone should set our hearts into perpetual thankful mode. But three days after His sacrificial death, Jesus rose from the grave. He is alive!

Even when life is really, really hard we can be thankful for the great hope we have in a living God. Nothing can stop Him. Nothing can hold Him. The lengths He went to to demonstrate His love for us should cause gratitude to perpetually bubble up in our hearts.

I am thankful for that first Thanksgiving and all the turkey dinners it has afforded me. But this year, I am thankful for the deeper lesson that when life is hard and the days are dark and cold, thanking God is the response I can choose.

It’s a lesson I’m sure God will need to remind me of next year and the year after that. But God seems willing to keep teaching about thanksgiving, even to slow learners like me. For that, I am thankful.

Even if your circumstances are difficult, what can you thank the living God for this year? Leave us a comment with your answer by Monday, December 2, and I will choose five of you to win a copy of Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

I’ve always been a “good girl.”

Straight A student. Rarely in trouble. Picked the right college, the right fella, the right outfit. You get the idea.

Turning my life over to Jesus ripped my story into two halves: life before Him and life after Him. Still, there isn’t a lot of drama in the “before” part. No skeletons in the closet. No criminal record. No massive public failures.

The achievements, accomplishments, and attitudes we polish up squeaky clean are destined to end up looking like filthy rags next to God’s holiness.

I know this is why the gospel has always gone down smooth for me. Yes, God forgave me of my sins. Yes, that is good news. But honestly, there wasn’t that much to forgive. I’m a good girl, remember?

But I’ve been walking with the Lord for almost two decades now. And the strangest thing has happened. The longer I know Him, the more familiar I become with His Word, the uglier my heart looks. It’s like one of those optical illusion pictures that just looks like a bunch of squiggles at first. But the longer you stare, the more the edges of a hidden image start to emerge.

Unfortunately, the image of my heart is not a pretty picture.

Sure, my behavior screams “good girl.”

But my deceitful heart whispers . . .

• Jealousy
  
• Pride
  
• Envy
  
• Hate
  
• Anger
  
• Bitterness
  
• Greed

So a wrestling match has begun in me. Suddenly, I am painfully aware of my desperate need for grace.

Here’s the truth: there are no good girls.

The Bible tells us no one is good except God (Rom. 3:10). The achievements, accomplishments, and attitudes we polish up squeaky clean are destined to end up looking like filthy rags next to God’s holiness (Isa. 64:6).

I keep on sinning. My sin nature seems to be super glued to me. Being a good girl doesn’t dissolve its adhesive effect. Following the rules doesn’t make me righteous. Acting like Pollyanna isn’t the same as having a pure heart.

I am thankful the dam of my goodness has broken, because God’s huge grace is what has come pouring through.

So week after week, as the communion cup is passed, I wrestle and I weep. It has taken my entire life, but my good girl façade has cracked.

On my very best days I am still a sinner. But while the bad news has been pinning me to the mat lately, the good news keeps picking me up and dusting me off:

“The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom. 6:23)

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1)

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Cor. 5:21)

I am thankful the dam of my goodness has broken, because God’s huge grace is what has come pouring through. The gospel doesn’t always feel good. Facing up to the reality of our sin hurts. But when I wrestle with the gospel, the gospel always wins.

No, being a good girl is not enough. But the grace of a good God is.

Not-so-good girls like me find that to be very Good News.