I stared at my computer for a long time. After reading about the Ashley Madison scandal that is currently sending shockwaves through our culture (anyone
else feeling like it’s a train wreck? It’s hard to look away!), I learned that you could search the hacked database to find out if your spouse was on the
I followed the link but paused for a long time before finally deciding not to enter my husband’s information in the search bar.
The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us.
I’ve been at this crossroads before, fighting a deep and nagging fear that news of my husband’s infidelity is right around the corner. I haven’t always
chosen to kick my fear to the curb. More often, I’ve invited the fear to sit in the driver’s seat.
The Ashley Madison headlines are recent, but men who cheat aren’t new news. For many years, I’ve struggled with an intense fear that my husband would
cheat. That fear was reinforced by a dad who cheated and tales of infidelity even among my Christian brothers and sisters.
Fear left unchecked can wreak all kinds of havoc on our hearts and lives. In my case, the fear that my man was destined to stray led me to be clingy,
accusatory, anxious, and worried. None of those behaviors could have kept him from cheating. That’s a job for the Holy Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law
Do All Men Cheat?
During the most intense seasons of fear, I kept stumbling across verses like Romans 8:15, which states, “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to
fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,” and 2 Timothy 1:7, which says, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power
and love and self-control.” These verses made me want to deal with the fear that was gripping my heart (and my marriage), but I didn’t know how. The fear
that my husband would cheat wasn’t something that I could just talk myself out of. It’s a fear that didn’t unravel until God started exposing the lies
rooted to my fear.
Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of self-control.
I realized that my fear was based, in part, in the lie that all men cheat. The media portrays men as unable to control their sexual appetite. I just
assumed that if given the opportunity, my man would cheat out of an inability to control himself. This lie has dangerous ramifications far beyond a fearful
The truth is that men are no more carnal than we are.
Titus 2:11–13 says,
The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to
live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior
We don’t have the market cornered on self-control. The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us.
Men aren’t the animals we see them portrayed as. They aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean that the entire gender is destined to ditch their marriage
No Spiritually Superior Gender
Ladies, I think that sometimes we see ourselves as more spiritual than our male counterparts. The truth is the Holy Spirit lives in men who know Jesus as
vibrantly as He lives in our own hearts. Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of
All of us are prone to run away from God’s best for our lives. It’s why we need a Savior so much.
All of us are prone to run away from God’s best for our lives. It’s why we need a Savior so much. My deep fear of marital unfaithfulness has forced me to
search my own sinful heart. Over and over again, I’ve had to make the choice to praise God for His grace in my own life instead of going on a witch hunt
for sin in the life of my husband.
I love how Alvin Reid said it recently, “I am experiencing personal revival because I stopped confessing everyone else’s sin.”
I closed my laptop and reminded myself that though imperfect, I have a wonderful husband. I gave him a hug instead of an accusation. I chose to lay my
fear, again, in God’s capable hands.
Is your man doing his best to live out his faith in Jesus? Has his love for you and commitment to your marriage kept him faithful? Don’t wait in
anticipation for the moment he will fail. Thank him for serving God by faithfully loving you.
Note: To those wives whose husbands have cheated, please check out these posts for a hopeful dose of God’s truth.
The Whole Truth: To the Christian Woman Who Just Discovered Her Husband’s Affair